Rationalizing "Killing a child"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008
Rationalizing "Killing a child"
16
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 12:02pm

I should probably be shot for even bringing this up for debate......but I've known most of you guys for a while and I feel safe here for the most part..oddly safer then on any other board here even the so called *support* boards.


Those of


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 3:00pm

I think you've hit on a big reason for the existence of the PL side - people have losses in pregnancy which they desperately grieve for, and they cannot fathom why another woman would welcome that exact occurrence. Or they are infertile and would give anything to have the chance that (it seems to them) others throw away.

But as you say, at the end of the day everyone must do as they see fit. I personally didn't consider my pregnancy a child until he was born. I would have been heartbroken if I'd lost him, but I would have grieved for my hopes and dreams rather than for the person I now know and love. Each to her own, in this above all.

BTW, I'm very very sorry for your losses.

baby siggy
baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 3:54pm

That's what makes me PC. I couldn't and wouldn't abort but I feel it needs to be kept legal for those that do. My friend recently had an abortion and while it really upset me inside I supported her and her right to decide what was best for her situation. I did ask her if she was absolutely sure and when she said she was I helped her weigh her options. I was very sad the day she had the abortion but she was relieved it was all over. I kept my mouth shut because it wasn't my place to say.

I'm really sorry you're hurting right now. :-(

funny pictures of cats with captions
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 10:30am

didn't consider my pregnancy a child until he was born. I would have been heartbroken if I'd lost him, but I would have grieved for my hopes and dreams rather than for the person I now know and love.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 11:29am

Let me put it this way - my mother had a stillbirth (I think 7 mos gestation). When somebody asks her how many children she has, she says 5 (the number that were born alive), not 6.

I can say with confidence that losing him now (at 2mos old) would be very much more painful than losing him before birth. Everyone is entitled to feel differently of course, but this is my take on it based on my feelings towards my zygote, embryo, fetus and baby.

baby siggy
baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 3:34pm

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Kay. I'll bite. I have been pregnant 6 times. I miscarried my 1st and 4th pregnancies. I never considered those pregnancies to be children since they were never born. I wasn't a mother until my second pregnancy resulted in the birth of my son in the second pregnancy. And I have had 4 children, not six. My children became "children" when they were pulled form my uterus and the umbilical cord was cut. Prior to that they were zygotes, embryos and fetuses. Albeit each was definitely wanted, deliberately conceived and excitedly awaited.
And I think I know loss pretty well since our eldest died in my arms when he was six years old.
Everyone sees loss differently. Don't knock her perceptions because you perceive them differently. I'm right on board with Lianne, and since loss is the qualifier, I daresay I am in a better position to gauge than you- unless you too, have buried or cremated one of yours?.
.
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Edited 1/18/2009 3:37 pm ET by erosia_raunch
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 3:54pm

I just wanted to welcome you to the board.

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 4:00pm

Understood.

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2006
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 2:36pm

>>I can say with confidence that losing him now (at 2mos old) would be very much more painful than losing him before birth. Everyone is entitled to feel differently of course, but this is my take on it based on my feelings towards my zygote, embryo, fetus and baby. <<

I agree. In my experience the easiest loss for me was at 5 weeks because I hadn't had time to get used to the idea of the pregnancy. my second trimester loss felt like part of my soul was ripped out because by that point I had invested so much of myself in the pregnancy there was no way it would not change me on a fundamental level. Even that didn't prepare me though for when I lost DS2 at 10 weeks. It was a whole nother ball game then and part of me died that day that will never come back.

I am not saying any of my losses were easy but the degree of loss experience for me was worlds apart. It is like comparing a papercut to an amputation.

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 4:49pm

Exactly. There is a massive difference between loving the idea of someone and loving the actual person once they're really there.

baby siggy
baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 01-19-2009 - 4:50pm

((((Misa))))

What happened to your DS, if it's ok to ask? I think we may have talked about this before but I have no brain...




Edited 1/19/2009 5:45 pm ET by lianne_67
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