Responsibility....

Avatar for hydromommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Responsibility....
41
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 2:33pm

Ok I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this.....but I'm throwing it out anyway.


Say you have a couple......the woman wants a baby, but the man isn't sure.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 2:42pm
Regardless of gender - if one isn't SURE they want a baby, they should take precautions.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 3:56pm
Both should be using BC control until both can agree it's time to have a baby.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 4:26pm

Even better response than mine.

If a couple isn't in agreement on the issue, they shouldn't take any chances!


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 4:43pm

I'd also throw in that if one is *very* insistent on having a baby and the other truly isn't ready they might want to seriously reconsider the relationship.

No sense holding someone back or finding yourself trapped in a negative situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 5:27pm

If I were a man (which I'm not) in that situation, I would surely be finding my own way to be a part of implementing contraception. Even if I trusted the woman - I would be concerned about unconscious actions or forgetfulness.

Ideally, between the two they would have agreed that since both aren't ready, that means the pair isn't ready and contraception should continue. And they would have found the most effective, easy method for them - IUD's are awesome for monogamous couples that want to delay childbearing at least one year.

But in the real world, I would put contraception in the hands of the more paranoid person. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 7:07pm

IUDs are ruled out for many women, one being me, but if it is an option for some, I think it's a good method that doesn't involve day-to-day maintenance.

Unless the relationship was a casual one (never had one) I wouldn't be sleeping with someone who didn't have the same ideas about a future together, or ideas about a future with me in general.

I'd think it was a waste of my time.

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Avatar for hydromommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:13pm
<<

I'd also throw in that if one is *very* insistent on having a baby and the other truly isn't ready they might want to seriously reconsider the relationship.


No sense holding someone back or finding yourself trapped in a negative situation.





>>


What is said couple was already married, and both had gone into marriage undecided about children? Would you recommend divorce simply because the woman had decided she

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:16pm

I think that both parties should be using thier own methods of BC. Each individual
needs to take individual responsibility for thier own fertility. I believe that any woman should have the right to refuse the use of contraceptives if it is something that she isin't comfterable with. IMo I don't think it is fair for a man to force a woman to put an unwanted object in her body (hormonal BC condoms exc) agianst her will - simply because he is not ready to parent. The woman has veto power *always* over her body and reproductive choices.

That being said - The man obviousley has the option of opting out of a sexual relationship - or taking on sole responsibility for contraceptives - if the woman decides that she is not willing to assume the risks or responsibilities of BC. He also has the power to make his own choices.

I believe that if both parties are activley trying to prevent pregnancy - then both parties need to take an equal responsibility in BC for themselves. If one partner wants to end BC usage - then it is up to the other partner - and the couple - to make a decision about how to procede with the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 9:22pm

ME: I'd also throw in that if one is *very* insistent on having a baby and the other truly isn't ready they might want to seriously reconsider the relationship.

No sense holding someone back or finding yourself trapped in a negative situation.

>>

YOU: What is said couple was already married, and both had gone into marriage undecided about children? Would you recommend divorce simply because the woman had decided she was ready and the man still wasn't sure?

>>

Yes, under the conditions I stated. If one party is VERY insistent and the other isn't ready, then absolutely they might want to reconsider the relationship. I'd first suggest counseling but if that doesn't work and neither is willing to compromise then they should consider a divorce.

Why should the man conform 'simply' because she decided she's ready now? If they both went into the marriage undecided then she had to know that he may at some point decide he didn't want any. As well, at some point in the marriage he may have decided he DID want children. So in that case is she under obligation to conform and try to conceive even if she herself is unsure?

Avatar for hydromommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 12:42am

That seems fair....I guess maybe if

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