Something I'm thinking about.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Something I'm thinking about.....
112
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:14pm
I was 20 years old and in college when I got pregnant with my daughter. Her father was a senior in college and about to graduate and we were broke (like most college students). Why did it never occur to me to have an abortion? I could have graduated college at 21, started my career, be driving a bmw right now, own a great big house and have all of that material satisfaction.

But what did I do? I got married when I was four months pregnant to the man who empregnated me by a justice of the peace. No formal ceremony, no white dress, no family, just a few friends. We had no honeymoon, couldn't drink champagne. We went back to our tiny apartment with no sofa in the living room.

How did I feel about it then? It never occured to me that it was my body, my right. That went out the window as soon as the stick turned pink. It was no longer just my body. I had the right to take more precautions. Was I scared? Sure! Was it hard? You bet! Would I have done it differently? NO WAY!

My DH and I have been happily married for nearly nine years now. Has it all been up hill? Hell NO! Life is all about ups and downs. But as soon as we decide to take responsibility for ourselves, the happier and more complete we'll be. It was no one else's fault that I got "knocked up" but me and DH. Our little girl didn't have a voice, but fortunately she had two parents, although practically kids themselves who had the sense God gave a rock.

I don't regret one moment that I didn't finish college at 21 or that we're not as financially set as we could have been. I don't regret all of the difficult times we had, it built character that I'll be able to pass on to my children (we had a son two years later).

I'm not saying every girls life would turn out like mine. But it's all in the mindset. The new generation of women out there are all about equal rights and hear me roar crap, yet they don't even have the desency to protect their unborn.

Another thing I've noticed is alot of the women I know have had abortions. And not one of them wasn't traumatized by it. One says she isn't, but she's a raving alcholholic and cocaine addict (not that that necessarily had anything to do with her condition now). These are not stable, healthy women with high self esteems. Many of them want children now but feel they aren't worthy. Their mistake was listening to a society that says you don't have to get burned if you play with fire. Go to a doctor and he'll remove that pesky tissue from your womb.

What's next? Will we legalize dead babies in dumpsters? Why keeps our attention on the young? How about those silly elderly people who don't do anything but lay in their beds all day? Why not just pull a Kavorkian on them? Boy, wouldn't america be so much better off with those unwanted people (and tissue that "could" be a human life) out of the way!

Seriously people, what have happened to our morals? We have become such a self-centered, materialistic society. No longer do we see that true joy comes from within and from the love we are able to give to others. It's not about that bmw or that big house, its about the people inside them.

Turn off your TV's and listen to your hearts! And while your at it go buy some friggin' birth control and stop the senseless murder of the innocent!

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Avatar for tykwondosha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:37pm
Slow down, mama! You gon give yourself a stroke or somethin. You did hit on a good point, abortion and euthanasia are very closely linked, followed by that nasty little eugenics thing that Margaret Sanger, or St. Margaret as she is known to some, was a fan of.

By the way, you are very blessed to have had a partner who loved you enough to do the right thing. That's a big piece that is missing from a lot of unplanned pregnancies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:38pm
Thank you for your story, and I totally agree with your post. Can't think of anything to add to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:40pm
Welcome to the board. There will be plenty who will refute what you said, but I hope you'll stick around. I also feel that true joy and peace lies in family, love, and serving one another. My husband and I just finished the long haul of juggling school(though I graduated long before he did), work, little income, and starting a family in spite of it all. And I have to say that even though it took us longer to get our well paying job(well enough that I no longer have to work anyway) and our dream home in the greenbelt subdivision, it was sure nice to fill one bedroom with little guys (2 boys) and hopefully(if I get pregnant soon) make another into a nursery.

Take care,

Danelle

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:43pm
Wow, you sure had a lot to say! And I appriciate and respect your entire journey and resulting pov. I completely support the ideas of empowered, strong and capable women - these are those that birth their children IMHO. Confussed, weakened, lost women abort. (not that that is the way the woman is her whole life, but at the moment of her choice, surely no one is going to say that she is strong, thinking straight or confident of her abilities, are they?)

Your post was wonderful and your message was clear. Strength is not in the options we have, but the options we choose. Your daughter is a lucky little girl (as well your son), but she is here due to your strength, resposiblity and empowerement.

Thanks elemkaye for sharing. I give you TWO thumbs up!

A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:53pm
Welcome to the board. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm very glad that everything worked out well for you.

"I could have graduated college at 21, started my career, be driving a bmw right now, own a great big house and have all of that material satisfaction." Sure, possibly. That is not why every woman chooses to abort, though. Are you making the argument that it is? If so, I have to say that I doubt you could know what goes through the mind of every woman who chooses abortion.

"But as soon as we decide to take responsibility for ourselves, the happier and more complete we'll be. " True and for some women, they do that by having an abortion.

" The new generation of women out there are all about equal rights and hear me roar crap, yet they don't even have the desency to protect their unborn." Really? All of them? I think half the "new generation" of women don't even know where 'hear me roar' came from and why is equal rights "crap?"

"Another thing I've noticed is alot of the women I know have had abortions. And not one of them wasn't traumatized by it. One says she isn't, but she's a raving alcholholic and cocaine addict (not that that necessarily had anything to do with her condition now). " If it may not have anything to do with her condition now, why try to link it? I know woman who have had abortions and while they didn't like having to make that decision, they are NOT traumatized by it.

"What's next? Will we legalize dead babies in dumpsters? Why keeps our attention on the young? How about those silly elderly people who don't do anything but lay in their beds all day? Why not just pull a Kavorkian on them? Boy, wouldn't america be so much better off with those unwanted people (and tissue that "could" be a human life) out of the way!"

Um, none of those things are a default next step after the legalization of abortion. If you feel they are, it's a good thing you made the correct choice for yourself.

"No longer do we see that true joy comes from within and from the love we are able to give to others." Maybe some people do not, but many do.

"It's not about that bmw or that big house, its about the people inside them. " I agree.

"Turn off your TV's and listen to your hearts!" ????

"And while your at it go buy some friggin' birth control" Absolutely! And hope it works because that's how I ended up a Mom! Psst: Birth control fails.

"stop the senseless murder of the innocent!" I would hope so. However, that does not correlate to abortion.

Again, very glad you have a happy, healthy family and that you made the best decision for YOU.

KJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 5:39pm
Hey Abbyyoyo,

You brought up some good points. I'll clarify.

I do not believe every woman aborts because they want financial success. I've heard a wide range of excuses including wanting to be able to wear a bikini that summer or they wouldn't be able to drink. I have never heard a noble reason for having an abortion. The only excuse close to it is out and out ignorance. I feel sorry for those of my friends that cry when one of my children runs up to me and gives me a hug.

As for taking responsibility for ourselves, I should have written "responsibility for our actions". This debate is an old one, and I should have figured that the pro-choicers would take everything ultra literally. What I was stating is that we need to take responsibility for having sex, period. You play with fire, eventually you're going to get burned, even with birth control, but that has to be a risk we're willing to take.

What's wrong with equal right? Nothing! Hence the point of my whole post, equal rights for the innocent unborn. Again, crap was refering to the mantra of the millions of "enlightened" murderers.

As for my pointing out my friend's addiction problems, I was making a point about her mental state. Trying to draw a picture of how many of the women I know are and how they handle lifes punches (not very well).

My comments about infanticide and euthanasia were not to infer that that is the next step of abortion. In my oh so humble opinion, abortion is just as evil. If those things are ever legalized, abortion paved the way.

As far as the birth control thing, that's how I got pregnant too, failed birth control. However, if more women used it, statistically, abortions would drop by half!

And of course, by my previous post and this one, you know for me abortion = murder, period.

Oh, and I didn't make the decision for me, I made it for my daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 6:13pm
Clap, clap, clap!!!

I'm glad to see that you aren't afraid to stand up for yourself. It is a trait you will definately need here.

A.

Avatar for placidreverie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 6:46pm
"It never occured to me that it was my body, my right. That went out the window as soon as the stick turned pink. It was no longer just my body. I had the right to take more precautions. Was I scared? Sure! Was it hard? You bet! Would I have done it differently? NO WAY!"

Well, I'm really sorry that you never realized that it was your body. Being pregnant does not mean it's no longer your body. But I'm happy that you have no regrets. Unfortunately no one should have control over other women's bodies. Yes, you made the right choice, but you have no right to make that choice for other women with different life experiences. Use some empathy and imagination; step into their shoes.

"I'm not saying every girls life would turn out like mine. But it's all in the mindset. The new generation of women out there are all about equal rights and hear me roar crap, yet they don't even have the desency to protect their unborn."

I'd say the new generation of women are moving forward. Getting pregnant and immediately getting married and becoming "mom" instead of "doctor" or "accountant" is no longer the only thing that's accepted for us. We no longer have to stay at home with the kids while the men go live out their dream careers or even abandon us. Now us women are taking a stand and protecting eachother in our lives that are already in progress.

"Another thing I've noticed is alot of the women I know have had abortions. And not one of them wasn't traumatized by it. One says she isn't, but she's a raving alcholholic and cocaine addict (not that that necessarily had anything to do with her condition now). These are not stable, healthy women with high self esteems. Many of them want children now but feel they aren't worthy. Their mistake was listening to a society that says you don't have to get burned if you play with fire. Go to a doctor and he'll remove that pesky tissue from your womb."

Your personal experience is just that: a personal experience. Women who have had abortions are not all unstable, frail women. It takes strength AND self esteem to be able to take control of their body and do what's right for them. And actually, our society is now in control by conservative republicans, so the majority unfortunately is trying to take reproductive rights away.

"What's next? Will we legalize dead babies in dumpsters? Why keeps our attention on the young? How about those silly elderly people who don't do anything but lay in their beds all day? Why not just pull a Kavorkian on them? Boy, wouldn't america be so much better off with those unwanted people (and tissue that "could" be a human life) out of the way!"

Comparing elderly people and unborn fetuses is not a great analogy. Elderly people have already been contributing to society and fighting wars for us for decades. And yes, a "tissue" could be a human life, but it's not. Dead babies in dumpsters are mostly a result of teenagers who have a baby in secret and become scared and traumatized by their birth.

"Seriously people, what have happened to our morals? We have become such a self-centered, materialistic society. No longer do we see that true joy comes from within and from the love we are able to give to others. It's not about that bmw or that big house, its about the people inside them."

Abortion is not self-centered. Many women think long and hard about how having a baby would affect those around them. And they certainly aren't thinking, "oh, if i have this baby what's going to happen to my bmw?" They are thinking about the quality of life for the baby they might have, and if they can't give that quality of life why should they subject them to that?

"Turn off your TV's and listen to your hearts! And while your at it go buy some friggin' birth control and stop the senseless murder of the innocent!"

Amen to not murdering the innocent. But the problem with that is that you assume that abortion is murder. I respect your personal experience, but condemning others for theirs I have a problem with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 7:07pm
What she said...n/t
Silver                                  
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 7:51pm
First off, I'd like to thank all of you who responded with encouragement. I also want to thank those who have written in who do not agree with me, yet have been mature and concise.

Now, for my response to placidreverie.....

"Well, I'm really sorry that you never realized that it was your body."

Please read that statement carefully. I wasn't saying it was no longer my body. I was saying it was not my right. As a human being, built for reproduction it is not my right to terminate what nature deems necessary. If it was not meant to be, nature would have stepped right on in with a miscarriage.

"Use some empathy and imagination; step into their shoes." I have plenty of empathy. I was one of those scared, confused women. I didn't know how we were going to pay to have the baby, how we were going to feed her or clothe her. I know what it feels like, but I learned we all have choices in this life, and when life throws a curve ball, sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and step up to the task, not run away.

I also have sympathy, sympathy for those friends of mine who have made statements such as, "I often wonder what my baby would look like now." Or, "The baby would have been a year (5, 10) old today according to my due date." These women are broken on the inside, all because they believed people who said..."I'd say the new generation of women are moving forward. Getting pregnant and immediately getting married and becoming "mom" instead of "doctor" or "accountant" is no longer the only thing that's accepted for us. We no longer have to stay at home with the kids while the men go live out their dream careers or even abandon us. Now us women are taking a stand and protecting eachother in our lives that are already in progress."

I'm all about equality and women being able to persue careers in their chosen field. However, I do not believe that women or men should be able to shirk their life choices just because it might hinder them. Why can't we be mom AND doctor AND accountant all at the same time? What sort of reason is "We no longer have to stay at home with the kids while the men go live out their dream careers or even abandon us." How weak and self-centered is that? I wouldn't have changed a thing if my husband had beat me, left me and I had to collect cans off the side of the highway to feed my child.

"Women who have had abortions are not all unstable, frail women. It takes strength AND self esteem to be able to take control of their body and do what's right for them."

Show me one, just one. And I'm not talking about the materially successful, I'm talking about women who are genuinely comforotable in their skin, who love themselves and above all who respect themselves.

"And actually, our society is now in control by conservative republicans, so the majority unfortunately is trying to take reproductive rights away."

WOOHOO!!!! It's about time! After killing more innocent unborn than all of the American war casualties since the Revolution, it's time to stop.

"Comparing elderly people and unborn fetuses is not a great analogy. Elderly people have already been contributing to society and fighting wars for us for decades."

They're alive, great analogy imo.


"They are thinking about the quality of life for the baby they might have, and if they can't give that quality of life why should they subject them to that?"

When did we become such a society of pansies? My love isn't good enough because I'm not good enough.....soooo, I'll just kill ya? Terminate a pregnancy because the child wouldn't have worldly possesions? If I had to make that choice, I'd choose my life, always!

This is an issue that is very close to my heart. I only know one person in my area (who hasn't had an abortion herself) who is pro-life. I've had these feelings bottled up for years and I've finally found a place where I can voice them.

I appreciate your feeback, placidreverie. But it isn't anything I haven't heard before. It's all about word twisting and half truths and taking things out of context. Thats how the pro-abortionists have been doing it from the beginning.

I'm not looking to change minds, but I do hope that at least one person can come to this board and read something like what I've written and avoid making a decision to have an abortion that will slowly kill them on the inside.

I know, I know, that's just my personal experience. Well, I have a whole heck of a lot of personal experience and I've never met a happy, well adjusted person who's had an abortion.






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