Take a deep breath!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
Take a deep breath!
329
Sat, 02-16-2008 - 12:34pm
As you sit reading online I take it you cannot possibly dead. So I guess the question is how can someone who is alive be

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 2:43pm

"It does involve his body. That child is half his."

So, I'm 29 weeks pregnant. That's about six-and-a-half months. So far, my husband's immediate and required physical involvement in this pregnancy lasted just about 10 seconds about 27 weeks ago. My immediate and required physical involvement in this pregnancy has lasted, oh, about 27 weeks now.

Sure, he helps me out a lot by cooking dinner sometimes, cleaning more than he used to, or getting me things during the night when I'm not feeling well. Those are physical things, but he doesn't have to do them in order for the fetus to gestate inside my body. In fact, he could be a total jerk and short of forcing me to starve or injuring me, the fetus would be unaffected by his actions. I'm glad he CHOOSES not to be a jerk, because there are a lot of men out there who are.

My physical involvement in this pregnancy is 24 hours a day, seven days a week, until the fetus feels like coming out. I'm glad to be doing it, and glad that my husband and I were on the same page about the choice to become pregnant (we were married for eight years first). But there is no way on earth I would force anyone into this situation unwillingly.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 2:54pm

" I am preggo, and I guess my brain isn't functioning to it's full capacity..." And it never will again.

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"You're cute. I like you."

"What you se

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 3:01pm

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Nope. Once born, a child is entitled to the support from both parents.

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Cool. Wanna cookie? ;-)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 3:04pm
Not losing any sleep ;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 3:09pm

<< It does involve his body. That child is half his. >>

No child until it's born. Potential child? Yes. But not unless a woman is willing to continue lending her body for its support at risk to her own body, health and sometimes life.

When it's tucked inside one of his testicles, it's his. When it's tucked inside her uterus, it's her choice to gestate or abort. No one but the woman herself can assume and undergo the short and long term risks inherent and unique to either continued gstatoon and childbirth or abortion. Therefore the ONLY person whose voice counts in this choice is the woman who lives with those DIRECT, PHYSICAL consequences the rest of her life.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 4:36pm

"Does it bother anyone else that anyone can go in and get fertility treatments without being asked "are you sure?", but it's like pulling teeth for a woman to get sterilized?? Both end results are pretty permanent, don't you think??"

Oh yes! I asked my Gyno once why I could not get my tubes tied and he responded because there is so many other good methods of BC out there. I said so if I want my tubes tied is that not MY decision since I am the one who is paying for it? He then said "well, you are so young.." to which I responded "Yes, I am but if I came in here and said I was pregnant would you tell me I was to young?" He said no..but still will not tie my tubes....sigh...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 4:41pm

"Nope. Once born, a child is entitled to the support from both parents."

So what if the father does not want the child but the mother does? How is it fair that she could have an abortion if she wanted to but he should have to pay even if he doesn't want to? That doesn't sound fair to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 6:10pm
Abortion is a gestational choice due to the direct and irrefutable nature of the risks. Once a child is born both parents are held equally responsible for its welfare. The one point of inequity is Safe Haven laws, which I oppose on those grounds. It does not safeguard paternal rights and relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 6:23pm

"How is it fair that she could have an abortion if she wanted to but he should have to pay even if he doesn't want to? That doesn't sound fair to me."

You're absolutely right; it's not fair. Yet, it is also not fair that:

1. As a woman, I am expected by society to shoulder the responsibility of preventing pregnancy, and it is usually considered to be my fault if I end up with an unwanted pregnancy. In fact, I am expected to be a "sexual gatekeeper," keeping those irresponsible men at bay (even if they don't become irresponsible until after I get pregnant).
2. Between my husband and I, only one of us can biologically carry a pregnancy. So if we're going to have a biological child (or more, after this one), I am the only one who can shoulder the immense physical burden of pregnancy.
3. As a woman, I have two choices about pregnancy: either have all my children before I have a career already established (and I am barely out of childhood myself), or wait for awhile and then try to balance career with childbearing. Even if you ignore the responsibilities inherent in raising children (which IMO should fall to both parents), I still have a lot more tough decisions to make than any man ever will. If I chose the former, I might never get a career established from too much time out of the workforce. The latter choice is just as complicated. My husband did not have to take a year off of school while I have been pregnant, but I did. It is I who will have to figure out how to balance having a second child after grad school and not make it seem like I was taking time off to have a child. And then, after all that, if I do make a career really important to me, I'm considered a bad mother by society.

Society has made great strides in improving the problems that exist in #3, but there is still a long way to go. #1, however, is unlikely to change, and #2 is a practical impossibility at this point.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 7:48pm

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Explain why it isn't workable.

 

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