but, there are the daddies too...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
but, there are the daddies too...
9
Sat, 05-02-2009 - 8:54am

First off I am just a lurker.. and have popped into a few of the debates offered here.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 05-02-2009 - 2:05pm
I'm sorry that your husbnd is troubled by his ex-girlfriend's abortion. However, the choice of whether or not to abort will always have to remain with the woman. If she wants to consider what the potential father thinks or feels, that's her choice. But, ultimately, she's the one who has to gestate the pregnancy and assume all the risks that go along with it. So, while I am sorry that your husband had a bad experience, once the sperm leaves the man, it is out of his hands.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Sat, 05-02-2009 - 3:31pm

Welcome to the board :)


I agree with the previous response to your post, and don't have much to add re: that issue in general.

Kate

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2008
Sat, 05-02-2009 - 7:45pm

I'm sorry your husband is so upset by the abortion his girlfriend had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Wed, 05-06-2009 - 2:49pm

I'm sorry that you DH is having a hard time dealing with something from his past.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Wed, 05-06-2009 - 11:06pm

Men do feel the effects of abortion or gestation as much as a woman does. She is the ultimate decider because she is the one carrying the risks. However, I will plan on telling my children (sons) when they are older that if they don't want there to be an abortion they should a) protect themselves and b) choose intercourse with a woman whose values are similar.


B is very important because whomever you have sex with has the potential, even with birth control, to be the parent of your child. Choose wisely.


Perhaps therapy for you husband wouldn't be a bad idea, and perhaps he could also choose to use his experience for good by talking to high schoolers about their choices. i.e. about choosing to protect themselves and choosing an appropriate partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Fri, 05-08-2009 - 5:18pm

"Men do feel the effects of abortion or gestation as much as a woman does."

I'm sorry, but this is totally inaccurate IMO. Men do feel emotional effects of abortion or gestation, but they do not feel anything about pregnancy "as much" as a woman does. My husband might have been terrified on my behalf when I was in labor, but he was not feeling the painful contractions. He was not begging for relief from the horrible epigastric pain. Magnesium sulfate was not coursing through his veins.

I know what you're getting at, but you're quite a ways off the mark. It helps no one to make the argument that men and women have the same effects wrt pregnancy, childbirth and abortion. It insults the women to imply that their physical experiences are not important because men can suffer "as much" without having any physical problems at all, and it is misleading to men to imply that their experience is the same when it so obviously isn't.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 05-09-2009 - 1:51am

"Men do feel the effects of abortion or gestation as much as a woman does."


Did you accidently leave out the word "not" from that sentence or did you honestly mean to say that men feel the effects of pregnancy the same way a woman does? I'm hoping it's the former ...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Sat, 05-09-2009 - 8:59am
PL guys usually tell PC to just "keep their legs shut". Maybe he should take that advice. Its sad that it affected him that way, but seriously, wear a condom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sat, 05-09-2009 - 6:51pm

I am sorry for your DH. I think he needs to get some serious help if this is still bothering him 20+ years later, that is not a good way to go through life. I have had bad things happen in my life, major injury death of family members and I am not still pining away. He needs to find a way to move so he can have a healthy relationship with you.

As for there are daddies too. Yes there are but they should not be having sex with girls/women that do not have the same values as they do. When I started having sex at 15 I knew my boyfriend was ok with abortion if I ever got pregnant. Now I am 25 we are married and still have never gotten pregnant. Until the daddy carries the fetus he does not get the final say.