Well THAT came out of nowhere.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Well THAT came out of nowhere.....
26
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 6:29pm

Those of you who know me know that my fiancee and I have been TTC ..............we got pregnant...with a PLANNED baby...and now he takes off says he wants nothing to do with me, I should get an abortion.....blah.......


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 7:19pm

(((HUGS)))Sara. That's a really hard spot to be in. Just do what is right for you...only you know what that is.

You're in my thoughts.

melissajune21.jpg picture by ambersspace


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 7:56pm
Consider adoption. There are many women who cannot have children that would love to take the responsibility off your hands. It would be a wonderful gift to someone and a good way to get out of an overwhelming situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 7:58pm

Hey Sara...

Wow, yeah. Not a good place for you right now. I can't say what's best for you, but I can say that I TOTALLY know where you are at right now. I have three kids...two fathers. It is extremely hard when you can't qualify for aid. Recently I had an episode where I was pg with my current bf & I was FREAKING out. That pg ended in a miscarraige, but I was seriously considering terminating the pg. But, that was my plan of action all along.

And, contrary to popular belief... there are men out there that understand the ins and outs of life & are open to dating women in "our" situation. You just have to be more selective because there are a lot of creeps, too. The kids actually work as a "bad guy" detector for me ...anybody who sticks through my crazy home life is in it for the long haul...lol.

When you initially thought you would be a happy family, you provbably developed the warm fuzzy feelings that go with a planned pg. Ending it now would be extremely difficult, but in your situation it could be for the best, or not. Just take your time with your decision and be ok with it. Being a single mom is scary...terrifying even, but if you want this child it is doable & could even be a blessing.

Hugs to you.

~Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 8:15pm

"There are many women who cannot have children that would love to take the responsibility off your hands."

Then why are there so many children waiting to be adopted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 8:24pm

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I would not do anything yet. Have you tried talking to your fiancee about why he is freaking out and so scared? Maybe he will come back and realize he does want this baby and you.

Also, if you do want this baby, he will have to pay child support. It will be court ordered and he will have no choice.

I hope everything works out for you, and I hope you can find peace in any decision you make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 8:25pm
because it is insanely expensive, and many of them are riddled with emotional and physical problems.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 8:30pm

"because it is insanely expensive, and many of them are riddled with emotional and physical problems."

If it is so insanely expensive why are you suggesting to someone to put another child in the system to not get adopted? Also, can you be sure this child will have no mental or physical issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 8:30pm

Oh, Sara!

Since this is such a weird unexpected twist on a planned pregnancy, is it possible that he's just in some kind of snit or having difficulty adjusting to the reality? That plus sign is a scary thing to see, even when you've been trying hard for it.

I don't mean to imply that you can't be strong enough to go this alone, or make your own decisions, but just from hearing the way you were writing about this just a few weeks ago, I have to hold out some hope! Pregnancy has definitely washed some scary waves of harsh reality over my husband and me in these past few weeks, and I've said things I didn't mean, and had to explain myself later.

Beyond that, I send hugs... it's really tough when you have carefully sorted everything out with one plan in mind and then someone else changes the rules on you, and unfortunately other people do have the ability to affect us. Financially, emotionally... and with your specific health conditions making things more complicated you have been so smart to plan ahead as you have.

You know that no one here can fully understand your life and the pressures you have, but there are tons of shoulders here for you to lean on and vent as you figure it out. You are still very early on, you have time to breathe and think it out. Prayers and strong thoughts to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 8:36pm
Usually babies are incredibly easy to adopt out at birth since many adoptive parents want a newborn. Also they often pay for all healthcare and birth costs. I don't want to hijack this girl's thread though. Good luck to her and her pregnancy, whatever she decides.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 9:38pm

Fist off can I have the dill holes address so I can kick him in the balls. Men like that drive me CRAZY. They are not worth the oxygen they breath. OK enough of ranting about him

As far as I am concerned no DECENT man would refuse to give you chance just because of your reproductive past. Decent men would listen to your reasons and understand that you didn't bring this upon yourself.

I wish I could say something that would make your situation easier but the only person who can ease your situation is the sperm donor. In the end I am sure you will make the best choice for you and your children. I would say that this may not be the best board to pour your heart out on though unless you have a REALLY thick skin.

(((((hugs))))))) melisa






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