what conditions are "ok" to terminate 4?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
what conditions are "ok" to terminate 4?
140
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 11:50am

Hi, all. Former poster, longtime lurker. Passionately, adamantly, almost abnoxiously pro-choice.


You see alot of opinion on what conditions make it acceptable to abort - namely life threatening conditions to the fetus or mother. But what about other diseases? Where they might live a long time but have a very hard life? There are many I'm thinking of, but specifically I'm thinking about autism.


I know there is no way to screen or

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006

My thoughts are that the only person who knows what is "permissible" to terminate is the pregnant woman herself.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009

What condtion would be ok?


That would be up to the mom. It would never be an easy decision to make in any case.

Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009

I'm so sorry. Your screen name is now understandable - I didn't get it at first.



I would terminate for Downs. If there were a test, I would terminate for severe autism or anything that would mean my child would not be able to live an independent life eventually. That might be selfish, but I couldn't deal with the worry of what happened to my dependent child after my death.


I'm PC, but would not have an abortion except for rape, my health/life, or severe fetal defect as per the above.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008

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So basically you'd terminate for any and all sepcial needs...because there are some ppl with Downs who can live independently....just like autism...and a pyriad of other disorders. Granted they may need someone who can check in on them, but there are several *assisted living* apartments in my area. It's just something you don't know until the child grows up.


Personally, I couldn't abort if my baby had a decent chance of a normal life....but I guess that comes from my background...my parents were blatently TOLD (not just encouraged or given the option)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003

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Not Lianne, but I would abort for any chromosomal anomaly or fetal defect that would affect intelligence.

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And an amniocentesis cannot determine which ones will and which ones can never be left alone for fear of hurting themselves.

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And perhaps I cannot afford the $10-20K deductible (depending on whether the service in in-network or out-of-network)being exercised each and every year to provide care for a special needs child. Perhaps I am unwilling to plunge my entire family into poverty in order to qualify said child for Medicaid. Perhaps I've given at *that office* and would never willingly choose to do so again, nor impose those burdens upon my other children, my husband and myself.

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And being mentally retarded doesn't fall into *normal life* in my world- and womb.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006

<<<<<>>>>


You make a very important point here that I think alot of people don't get. My dh is self employed and makes decent money, however, he doesn't get health insurance. In a "normal" existence, I would also be working full time, providing that for my family.


However, when you have a child whose meds alone cost around $600 per month...who has endless and countless doctor's and therapy appointments...what sort of full time job are you going to be able to get, let alone keep?


So, yes. I stay home so my family can receive Medicaid. I make no apologies for it - I didn't invent the system, but I do have to live within it. When we were planning our family we had every intention of me staying home for "a few years" and then returning to work full time. But although she does attend school, I refuse to put my non-verbal child in any sort of daycare setting. Do you know any sitters who would take an un-potty trained six year old, anyway?


So there is the financial aspect. Thank God for Medicaid and her SSI. We use part of that money towards things like groceries, mortgage, and things I'd be contributing my income to if I were working.


If people want to judge me, I don't really care. But until you know firsthand the physical, emotional, and financial toll a child like this takes on your marriage and family....all I can do is shrug, and suggest you walk in my shoes awhile.


Angie (forgot to sign my original post!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009


LOL! I said I'd terminate for anything that would prevent my child living an independent life - there are THOUSANDS of special needs issues that do not result in that, as you yourself can testify.


I was also specific that I would only abort for severe autism, meaning that I would not abort for high-functioning.



Completely independently? Requiring no outside assistance whatsoever? My understanding was that even the highest functioning Downs person requires some help, but I may be in error.



You and I are saying the same thing. We wouldn't want our children to be permanently dependent and would abort if that would be the case.


I suspect the only place we differ is how far into the grey area we would go before taking that option.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003

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However, when you have a child whose meds alone cost around $600 per month...who has endless and countless doctor's and therapy appointments...what sort of full time job are you going to be able to get, let alone keep?>>

Oh gosh- how well I know it ( I kinda gave a quick synopsis of my story in the other thread ( http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psabortdeb/?msg=4951.4 )

That is SO true. You can't hold down a job with a child who has so many needs!

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Same with us. And don't feel guilty- I know how hard the road is that you have been given to take! ((hugs))

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Yup- and how could they even tell you if they weren't be treated well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006

Wow....I don't even have the words. Your story gave me chills beyond belief. I am so sorry for what your son went through. You are one person who can truly understand my point of view...hell, what I've been/am going through is NOTHING compared to what you've described.


I'm not lessening my own situation, which has indeed been painful. I lost my only sibling, my older brother, to suicide five weeks before my daughter was diagnosed. Three and a half years later, I am still struggling with both but am trying very hard to finally find acceptance and peace.


I've always believed that we're here, and have *been* here countless times - and that we shouldn't get so caught up in our daily lives and troubles. After all, I'm sure our souls have been through much worse, kwim? But your story really rang true for me in that regard. Thank

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008

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