What do you say when

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
What do you say when
155
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 2:59pm

a GUY keeps using the "Don't have sex if you're not going to be willing to go full term with a pregnancy from it " argument. I am ready to jump through the screen and strangle this guy because no matter what I say he says this back (this is from my local community forum message boards).


I thought I would come to the experts.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:51am

< I believe we should leave the choice of life to the giver of

baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:55am

<Well, when it's God's uterus that is responsible for sustaining that life, then he can have a say.>


Brilliant!


baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 10:01am

I'm going to get roasted for this, but if we were going to adopt we would want a white child. I don't think age would be that important (preferably under 5), but ethnicity is. I would want it to look like part of our natural

baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 12:59pm

"I am anti-abortion myself and the strategy for decreasing unwanted pregnancy is teaching abstinence and respect for your body."

Gee, then why has such an approach been so hugely unsuccessful? Teaching abstinence has *never* been effective at getting large groups of people (e.g. teenagers, unmarried people, etc) to not have sex. Never.

"If an unplanned pregnancy occurs then maybe that women should think about the baby she created during her night of fun and place that child for adoption, if she doesn't want a lifetime of responsibility."

There's nothing like some in the PL set who seem to want to make pregnancy a punishment. I'd rather the woman be okay with being pregnant (even if she plans to put her offspring up for adoption) than forced to be pregnant and deciding to take all kinds of drastic actions because of it.

"In the case of rape, I have been raped and if I would have become pregnant I would have carried that child to term knowing that he/she did nothing wrong and shouldn't have to pay with his/her life for something that was neither the women's fault or the child's."

Isn't it wonderful that *you* get to make that choice? How would you feel if you were forced to have an abortion in that case?

"You can't imagine the number of married couples out there that just want a chance to raise a child but can't have a biological child."

Mandatory surrogacy now, huh? This is a really lame argument in favor of continuing an unwanted pregnancy- kind of like when parents try to guilt-trip a child into eating their brussels sprouts by talking about starving children in Africa or something. It doesn't work with them, either.

"Is it too much to ask for someone to carry a living human for nine months instead of killing it."

For some women, it is. I had a really boring, normal pregnancy followed by a horribly complicated labor and delivery that could have ended in tragedy for us both. While I would go through it again in a heartbeat for another child, I cannot tell another woman to do the same.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 1:02pm
I'm not gonna roast you for that. I can certainly understand where you're coming from. My comment was more tongue-in-cheek regarding those who think it is the responsibility of others to breed for them. It's just that the majority of these people who want to blow the horn of "There's so many childless couples that would LOVE to adopt!" ignore the fact that- in the United States, at any rate- there are so many children that are overflooding the foster care system, that it just seems selfish and irresponsible to not give them preference for finding permanent, loving homes first. It really does smack of caring more for the fetus than for those who are already born. KWIM?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 1:09pm
""Is it too much to ask for someone to carry a living human for nine months instead of killing it."

For some women, it is. I had a really boring, normal pregnancy followed by a horribly complicated labor and delivery that could have ended in tragedy for us both. While I would go through it again in a heartbeat for another child, I cannot tell another woman to do the same."


Here, here!!! I know with the first kiddo, my L&D was quite traumatic. Is it too much to ask for someone to be able to decide for themselves what risks they are and are not willing to take in their reproductive decisions, instead of forcing gestation and possible risks of morbidity and mortality on the person for the sake of a fetus? *crosses her eyes*


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 1:37pm

<

And that should apply only TO yourself- not me, not your neighbor and not every woman out there.

<>

i respect my body mightily- including it's sexual aspect. It deserves to be worshiped and fully realized as well. Abstinence is NOT on my short- or long- list.

<>

How bout you think about those things YOU want to consider and let me weight the inherent short and long term risks inherent to each and every gestation and childbirth and make my on choices accordingly and unfettered by anyone elses' opinions and government intrusion?
Yeah- that sounds MUCH better.

<< In the case of rape, I have been raped and if I would have become pregnant I would have carried that child to term knowing that he/she did nothing wrong and shouldn't have to pay with his/her life for something that was neither the women's fault or the child's. >>

That's lovely. However, if I were raped I would NEVER permit the fetal by-=product of a violent act to be nourished in my body one minute longer than it takes to hook up a suction vaccuum to my womb. Choice is a wonderful thing.

<>

I can do better- I can find statistics that give me a fairly accurate number. But how is that relevant to my right (or any woman's right) to choose to abort? A woman is not an incubator.

<>

ADOPTION is a PARENTING choice. ABORTION is a HEALTHCARE and GESTATIONAL choice. Two different issues.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 1:44pm

<>

At 44, after 6 pregnancies, 2 miscarriages, 4 c sections and 27 years of successful contraception and conception, I think I have a fairly good grasp on the issue. That doesn't negate my right to choose which set of risks my body will undergo when faced with a pregnancy.

<< If you are old enough to do it you are also old enough and responsible enough and should be caring enough to think of the rights of that unborn child that you didn't plan for. >>

An unborn child only has those rights I CHOOSE to grant it. They do not have rights that exist independently of my choosing, nor do they have any that supersede my own.

<>

My soul would have CHOSEN that path- to have been an embryo or fetus that was aborted and then it would choose its next incarnation. I would have been complicit in the whole transaction.

<>

Se, those are YOUR beliefs, YOUR religion. And YOUR religion should not form laws that contradict those of my own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 3:45pm

You say that when it's God's uterus, then he can have a say in it. He feels the same way. That's why you have free will. But at least you will be able to say that you were loved, even before youwere born. He knew you before conception, and you were wanted, even before you had a name. One day you'll have to answer to the reasons why you couldn't find it in yourself to give one other life the same courtesy.


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Edited 6/6/2008 1:54 am ET by mamaemmot
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 3:49pm

"My belief is that there is no God, and that I am solely responsible for the contents of my own body. Can you respect my right to live by my belief?"


Contents?


ft. lewis Photobucket This is my wonderful family that was started when our hearts joined on February 18th, 2006. Dana Elizabeth chimed in November 20, 2007. We look forward to investing in a whole peanut gallery. army army wife Photobucket scrapbooking



Edited 6/6/2008 1:55 am ET by mamaemmot
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