What do you say when

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
What do you say when
155
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 2:59pm

a GUY keeps using the "Don't have sex if you're not going to be willing to go full term with a pregnancy from it " argument. I am ready to jump through the screen and strangle this guy because no matter what I say he says this back (this is from my local community forum message boards).


I thought I would come to the experts.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 5:27pm

"So, if you were pregnant and were in a car accident and lost that child then you would not mourn that child because you were not a


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 5:40pm

What are some of the other milestones of fetal development?

In addition to the unborn child's heartbeat, brainwaves, fingerprints and capacity to feel pain, other important milestones include:



  • At 4 weeks from conception, a baby's eye, ear, and respiratory systems begin to form.
  • Thumbsucking has been documented at 7 weeks from conception.
  • At 8 weeks from conception, a baby's heartbeat can be detected by ultrasonic stethoscope.
  • By 9 weeks from conception, a baby is able to bend her fingers around an object in her hand.
  • By 11 to 12 weeks from conception, the baby is breathing fluid steadily and continues to do so until birth.
  • By 11 weeks from conception, a baby can swallow.
  • Between 13 and 15 weeks from conception, a baby's taste buds are present and functioning.
  • At 20 weeks, and perhaps as early as 16 weeks from conception, a baby is capable of hearing his mother's heartbeat and external noises like music.
  • At 23 weeks from conception, babies have been shown to demonstrate rapid eye movements (REM), which are characteristic of active dream states.
  • At six months from conception, a baby's oil and sweat glands are functioning.
  • At seven months from conception, a baby frequently "exercises" in preparation for birth by stretching and kicking.
  • At eight months from conception, a baby's skin begins to thicken, and swallows a gallon of amniotic fluid each day and often hiccups.
  • During the ninth month from conception, a baby gains half a pound per week. Of the 45 generations of cell divisions before adulthood, 41 have already taken place.

How can I learn more about fetal development?

Many resources are available in print and online for learning more about fetal development. Some of the best books and websites include:


Books on Fetal Development
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 5:46pm

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I was NOT a parent until my second pregnancy resulted in te birth of my first child, Nicholas. I miscarried my first pregnancy at 11wks. I was not a mother- and that was not a child- it resembled a blob of tissue more akin to a shrimp cocktail than a newborn baby. I mourned the loss. The loss of the DREAM, the HOPES and the PLANS I had for a child I wished had been born at the successful conclusion of that pregnancy. But it wasn't a child, there was nothing TO love yet. Does that answer your question?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 5:59pm

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No further than the patronizing remark to which I responded. Doesn't feel too good when someone infers you don't know about love as much as the does it?

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I didn't though, did I?

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Lessons to learn. Paths to tread. Each of us will find those answers for ourselves if we are open to them.

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Why? It was a rhetorical question that said "Maybe I could"- but I didn't. I can say this- losing a child made so much deeper my appreciation of those things- since I never saw Nicholas walk, never heard him say "I love you" (he was severely brain-damaged form his infant vaccines). And holding him when he took his last breath- well when we had Alexandra some 9 yrs later and Zack 11- there were many lessons I took with me I would never had learned without that loss.

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Ok- let's deal- don't make patronizing comments about others not knowing true love via this comment from you, OK? << I thank God for all the blessings He has bestowed on us and I pray that one day He will soften your heart enough to truly discover LOVE in its true form and meaning.>>

<< My heart attaches to each baby the second I even suspect that I might be pregnant. Sure you want to awarded the right to choose not to have children at any given time yet your not so quick to award me the right to speak for those who can't.>>

Er- you DON'T get to speak for ANYTHING inside of my body. Period. Not welcome, very intrusive, very presumptuous.

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You don't know me. But on a health care issue, I argue facts m'am. Save my lovin' for my kis and hbster ;-)

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Well that was quite respectful. @@
Why don't you witness the complications of gestation and pregnancy and bear those burdens for all the women who you'd deny a choice?

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Bull excrement. As a woman whose never HAD an abortion and never CONTEMPLATED one, you don't even KNOW me enough to be close to the truth. So quit getting personal about the debate.

<< it's really deep done a question of utter-selfishness...!!!>>

Maybe your reasons for HAVING children are selfish when there are so many in our foster care system that need a home. When planet earth is begging for reprieve. Can you give me ONE SINGLE unselfish reason for having your children? I had mine for selfish reasons, LOL. At least that's honest.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 6:01pm
And none support fetal pain at 9 wks and none prove a fetus can love or feel love.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 6:04pm

"hey that went a lot too far."


No further than your comment that I'm incapable of understanding love... Don't dish it out if you don't want to eat it, honey...


"I am a mother who has suffered the many broken hearts of losing not one but 7 children to stillbirth and miscarriages."


And, I'm a mother of two, who has also had many a broken hearts myself losing 3 pregnancies (2 singletons, and 1 twin-set) before the birth of my first son, and then another pregnancy in between my oldest son and my youngest son, and then lost yet ANOTHER pregnancy about 5 months ago. What does that have to do with anything? Is this a one-up contest?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:05pm

"Who are you to decide what rights as a HUMAN being should be allotted to whom?"

Right back at you.

"You might feel that it's ok to treat a human life as though it were a disease or a piece of garbage,"

I don't. I just don't believe that it's okay to force other women to do things with their bodies for my personal beliefs.

"but is it really so hard to simply carry a child for 40 weeks and then allow someone else to take over from there?"

I don't know. Is it really too hard to have blood pressure so high it could cause convulsions except for the medication that they give you to keep you from having said convulsions and dying (which makes you violently ill, confused, and very, very hot)? If this child were not a wanted one (and you can be sure that she is), I imagine that would be too much to force me to do just because you want me to. Who are you to force me or any other woman to do such a thing?

"One day you'll have to answer to the reasons why you couldn't find it in yourself to give one other life the same courtesy."

And here comes the assumption that we all have had elective abortions. You might try finding out what we all have/have not done before you make assumptions about what we would/would not do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:13pm

"Considering I have a beautiful 6-month daughter I will never let anyone or anything tell me or dictate to me when not to or why not to keep the pregnancy."

Who told you that you should not keep a pregnancy? Most of us on this board have kept pregnancies- some of us have kept several pregnancies, all the way to term. We pro-choicers are all about choice. That's why we're called pro-choice, KWIM?

"i would personally rather die myself should a complication arise than choose to kill my child to 'prevent' something that most likely would not even happen."

As would I. Isn't it great that we get to make that choice for ourselves?

"I thank God for all the blessings He has bestowed on us and I pray that one day He will soften your heart enough to truly discover LOVE in its true form and meaning."

Are you really saying that Colleen does not love her children every bit as much as you do? Are you saying that I do not love my baby as much as you love yours? What qualifies you to say such a thing?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:17pm

"You can not tell me that you feel and know more love in your heart than i do."

"So you can believe, my heart is broken into many pieces over that one comment you wrote directed at me."

Cuts both ways, doesn't it? It's ironic that you can accuse her of being cruel for what she said, when you apparently felt perfectly comfortable saying the same to someone else.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 12:48am

Hi :)

 

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