What?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2008
What?!
275
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 9:44pm

Abortion is ok??!! I cant even believe this! Horrible! Yes I am a teen momma because I didnt have an abortion omg imagine if i would of had one, my baby wouldnt be here and I would b a mess. I AM PRO-LIFE:) Be responsible and step up. You had sex, got pregnant, now your a mom.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 3:58pm

"But we're not talking about what they have going for them or against them, only the general blanket statement that they are unfit. Whether they can drive or not has nothing to do with what type of parent they are."


Here is where I disagree.

melissajune21.jpg picture by ambersspace


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 4:29pm

It does EFFECT what they can provide, NOT whether they are unfit. Age can play a role, absolutely. So does a million other things. My friend was once told she should not have kids because she was abused as a child and couldn't possibly be able to be stable enough to

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 4:54pm

Can you please show me (post #) where I ever said that age (or any other factors for that matter) make a woman an unfit mother?

melissajune21.jpg picture by ambersspace


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:19pm

I was originally posting to this comment by another poster:


"I don't think a 15 year old should keep a baby to raise. They are a child themselves. To me, they are unfit to raise a child. No, an abortion shouldn't be mandatory, nor should giving up the child for adoption, but IMO, a child deserves a woman as a mother, not a child. "


I've tried to stay on that topic because that was my concern in this matter. I have not argued with you about being fifteen negatively effecting parenthood, nor would I. I can't ignore something I'm not even trying to argue against. As a matter of fact I believe I said it absolutely effects it and that I don't think anyone would argue that. Again, just trying to stick to what originally got me to post, and trying to stay on the topic I cared to discuss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:28pm

Nope, I said there can be rare exceptions. Rare though.


That is why most people's eyes don't light up with joy when their 14 or 15 year old comes home pregnant. There is a long road ahead with huge difficulties that the baby will have to live through as well. Poverty and having no father, or since the mom is young a multitude of men in and out of their lives, etc.


There just isn't the maturity there most of the time, which is why

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:55pm

"That is why most people's eyes don't light up with joy when their 14 or 15 year old comes home pregnant."


They don't light up for joy because it is a hard road, and probably something they would not want for their kids.


"There is a long road ahead with huge difficulties that the baby will have to live through as well. Poverty and having no father, or since the mom is young a multitude of men in and out of their lives, etc."


So we're also assuming the father won't be around AND the mother will be

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 6:05pm

"So we're also assuming the father won't be around AND the mother will be

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 7:43pm

First of all, I think you mean anecdotal. Second, it's not anecdotal OR a story, it's my life.


And if you had thrown ANY statistics other than the word "rare" around we might be talking about actual fact. I dont think you have put forth ONE statistic but your ballpark figure.


And it was your words "a multitude of men" that i was talking about. Not whether the love of their life would be found at16.




Edited 9/4/2008 7:46 pm ET by ksu_jazabelle2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 8:36pm

Eh, you can find them.


A personal story, anecdotal evidence, I would have disliked having my mom as a teenager, I liked her perspective and life experiences so I suppose I am biased. Plus I wrote a sociology paper on the impact of teen pregnancy, most notably the poverty connection which is in turn linked to crime.


Why not give a baby up for adoption if it would be irresponsible to abort? Why be "punished with a baby"? Why not give your baby to a home that doesn't have to hold two jobs in a shady neighborhood because daycare and afterschool care costs so much? I am curious.


I knew two people who did so and they have open adoptions and their kids are so happy and

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: mommy_nycha
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 1:38am

"It does EFFECT what they can provide, NOT whether they are unfit."

Would you call a mother who by definition cannot provide for her children someone who should be allowed to keep them (or continue to have them)? Who's going to provide the daycare for the 15-year-old while she is in school or at work? How is she going to afford it? How is she going to afford to live on her own? Who's going to pay for all this?

You make a pretty hefty assumption about the support system a 15-year-old would have if she got pregnant and chose to keep the baby. As someone who has been a part of the compulsory support system for a teenage couple who got pregnant and decided to keep the baby, I can say that things get a whole lot more complicated when you're forcing someone else to pay your bills or provide free day care. I wouldn't necessarily call the couple in my situation unfit, but they like most people in their situation took the rest of us for granted in a very noticeable way. It's my choice, so open up your wallet and pay for it.

I personally think 15-year-olds should be able to keep their babies if they choose. But I would caution very strongly against choosing that road, particularly if there isn't a very willing and able support system ready to pick up the slack.

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