Worth the loving

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Worth the loving
50
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 10:37pm

So many use disease and complications for their reasoning for terminating a pregrancy - but what about the love that they loose out on in that choice?


http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=c975d005cd2c4d261f7f

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 11:45pm

Truly heartbreaking story. And yet, according to the stats, this couple was lucky for the time they did have. If their experience was more like the average, the fetus would have died in utero and they'd have had no movie to make at all. I did some research on Trisomy 13 and 18 when a woman on my EC had an u/s with soft markers for one or the other (turned out to be Trisomy 13). According to one site I found, only 5% of Trisomy 18 fetuses survive to birth. Of those who do survive, 50% of them die within the first week. The survival rates are fairly similar with Trisomy 13.

I agree that a few months of wonderful memories could very well be enough to keep a parent going. But could you really make that decision for someone else or imply that they made the wrong decision? The woman on my EC who had the Trisomy 13 baby (I've mentioned this before) decided to "electively terminate" by inducing labor early, at about 24 weeks. The baby lived for seven hours. The vast majority of Trisomy 13 fetuses die in utero, which meant that, by inducing early, she was hoping to be able to see her baby alive, instead of waiting for her to die in utero. She certainly could have taken her chances that the fetus would survive, but the likelihood wasn't on her side. At least she got the seven hours.

Besides, for complications like this, we're hardly talking about elective termination as convenience (like avoiding stretch marks, as you were so fond of citing). Considering these conditions are usually not identified or diagnosed until the second trimester, and knowing that the vast majority of abortions are performed prior to 12 weeks gestation, the vast majority of "elective abortions" for these reasons were for wanted pregnancies. Does it do any good to make these families feel worse about the horrible decision they had to make?

God forbid I should ever have to make a decision like this. I'm sure there will be more examples to come on my EC, and I hope that I will not become a statistic. But should I ever have to make a decision like this, I hope that all those around me will support me in my decision, and not try to make me feel worse for it.




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Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 7:35am

I believe in medically necessisary abortion - that would include cases such as this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 9:44am

At the end of the day, nobody can make that choice except the woman and her partner.

baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 10:49am

EXACTLY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 10:52am
Unless it's a self-pay situation, I'm not sure it is a moral choice to continue gestating a terminal fetus or one that has an anomaly inconsistent with life, or one that will result in an infant in critical condition that is dying. Who's going to pay to keep that child alive for that short time? The government? The insurance company? Thus, those costs being borne out by ALL of the policy-holders, and the group to which that policy-holder belongs in particular?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 11:25am

I sometimes scare myself by reading stories of pregnancies gone wrong. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. IIRC, your wee man is ok?


baby siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 11:32am

Oh yes, he's fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 2:07pm
I guess that would all depend on who you ask. I for one am willing to sacrifice feeling that love to not have my baby suffer and die. Getting to hug my child would not make up for the fact that I forced them to live in pain and die a less than comforting death. I would not want to carry around on my conscience the fact that I made my child suffer out of my own selfishness and groundless hope.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 2:14pm

"I guess that would all depend on who you ask. I for one am willing to sacrifice feeling that love to not have my baby suffer and die. Getting to hug my child would not make up for the fact that I forced them to live in pain and die a less than comforting death. I would not want to carry around on my conscience the fact that I made my child suffer out of my own selfishness and groundless hope."


I agree 100%.

"It is right to be contented with what we have, but never with what we are."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 3:21pm

~I just think that the choice, although I believe should be permitted, needs to be weighed out to include even simple and short situations such as these.

 

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