Commitment, or lack thereof...
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Commitment, or lack thereof...
| Tue, 01-08-2008 - 1:56pm |
So I just saw something somewhere else (won't specify where, but I bet a few of you will figure it out!) where a woman indicated that she WAS planning on breastfeeding, but now because of a heated debate about it, she doesn't want to anymore.
Ummmmm, are you kidding me?


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DD is for the most part :)
(Do you think this is due to her own personality, or do you attribute this to the Babywise schedule?)
<< quiet>>
hardly ever! always talking and trying to get attention!>>>
GOOD!!! This is an EXCELLENT sign of normal development! Unfortunately, Ezzo does not see this as a good thing... in his opinion, children are supposed to be learning the "preciousness of others" by never interrupting or making themselves the center of attention. The "quietness" many Ezzo'ed babies exhibit is actually them withdrawing from interaction, they are often noted for having blank expressions, lack of normal curiosity and being abnormally inactive. (not exploring in a new environment) It doesn't sound like you agree with this part of his materials.
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usually, although she will talk to herself for a while sometimes instead of crying and screaming b/f she falls asleep >>>
Not sure what you meant here? Are you saying that she usually cries before she falls asleep, or only sometimes? Is there some benefit for the CHILD from going to bed on command? Ezzo seems to believe there is.
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who's child DOESN'T make messes??!!>>>
A child who is constantly "disciplined" for making messes will eventually learn not to explore. This is one of the dangers of Ezzo's program. If you squeeze their hand or put them in a time-out every time they throw a toy or touch their food you CAN teach them not to touch things... or more accurately, to be afraid to touch things. This can cause severe developmental delays if parents are as "consistent" with this as Ezzo exhorts them to be. Again, this is in the materials for older children, but the foundations are already being set in the first book. Don't let your child tell you what to do. Don't let them make their own schedule, don't let their cries "manipulate" you into giving them what they want. Making messes can be seen as "rebellion" in his context. (Ezzo goes so far as to tell parents to make kids play with the toys they want them to play with for a specific amount of time by putting them in a playpen with just that toy for a set time, claiming this teaches them to "focus" and "prevents ADD". Can you see the hyper-controlling mindset? The first book is designed to lead you this direction, whether you see it or not.) It doesn't sound like you agree with this part, either.
<< sleeps all night>>
Yep, since 7 wks ;)>>>
How do you define "sleeps all night"? Is it 5-6 hours, 8-10 hours, or more? (sorry if you have already posted this answer, I don't remember if you have) Sleeping through the night at an early age is not actually desirable. Many mothers cannot make sufficient milk if they go more than 6 hours without nursing in the early weeks. Most breastfed babies need to eat more often than that, a more common average is every 4-5 hours at night until they are around 3-4 months old or older. Around half of all babies are still waking to eat at least once a night at 1 year old. If you have a baby who sleeps through at a younger age *without any training from the parents*, then you can consider yourself blessed, but Ezzo tells parents that ALL babies SHOULD be sleeping through the night by 8 weeks, which is a flat out lie. MOST babies are not ready before 8 weeks and to get them to sleep through the night at that age would involve a LOT of unattended crying, which IS what Ezzo advocates. Sleeping through the night should NOT be a parenting GOAL, because it carries no health benefits to the child, it is strictly a convenience-issue for the parents. There is mounting evidence that allowing babies to "cry it out" from a young age can cause physical and psychological damage due to a release of stress hormones in the brain that damages brain tissue. If you didn't have to let your baby cry to get her to sleep through the night, that's great... but that's not Babywise.
<< doesn't bother mom & dad when they are having their "special time" together (couch time)>>
She's always trying to be the "center of attention" LOL>>>
This is a HUGE no-no in Ezzo's book, because he feels it threatens the marriage relationship. Children are to be ignored for the first 15-30 minutes after dad gets home from work while mom and dad "reconnect"... he calls it "couch time". I don't know if it was in the edition you had, but the idea is prominent in all his writings. It doesn't sound like this is part of what you agreed with in his book, either?
<< and in general are as convenient as a well trained poodle... to the point that Ezzo claims total strangers will notice and ask you how you came to have such well-behaved children! >>
While I typically don't like to refer to Naomi as a dog, strangers DO ask me quite often why she's so "happy" (not well-behaved, but happy). If this were so bad for her, she would not be happy ;)>>>
Actually, that is a very, very typical comment by Babywisers... my child is happy, if this were so bad for her, she wouldn't be. That's just not an accurate gauge of what is appropriate. I worked in our church nursery for over a year and I saw parents who did Ezzo's materials to a very unhealthy extreme where they would put their baby in a crib in the nursery and simply walk out the door and let them scream themselves to sleep because it was "nap time" and they didn't want to disrupt their schedules, even for church. The odd thing is, the babies would wake up "happy", even if they had screamed for 30 minutes or more before finally falling asleep in their crib. They would want to get up and play and act like normal children, so their parents were convinced that what they were doing was GOOD... "see, he's not unhappy, he wakes up smiling and laughing... he just needs to learn to go to sleep when it's time. The crying is just him being 'uncooperative' and expressing his 'displeasure', it's his own fault for 'fighting sleep'." I am NOT saying this is what you do, but it IS what many Babywise-parents do, and they STILL have "happy kids"! All that proves is that some children are incredibly resilient and can tolerate a lot of poor treatment. (I actually left that church for this very reason, I could not handle the screaming Ezzo'ed babies week after week!!!)
A personal anecdote. :-) My youngest daughter was born with congenital hip dysplasia and was in harnesses, braces and even a full body cast for the first 14 months of her life. This meant she had to be held almost constantly, because the braces, etc. kept us from being able to put her down. According to Ezzo, a child who gets that level of almost constant attention is going to be a whiny tyrant by the time they're 2. Well, my daughter turns 2 next week, and of my six children she is the MOST compliant, quietest, most well behaved of the lot! LOL We are talking about a child who always says "Thank you" and "you're welcome" without being prompted, doesn't throw tantrums, etc. I know without a doubt that this is completely due to her personality, she is just a relaxed, laid-back kid. (especially compared to her 2 ADHD brothers!!!) Also, even while going through all the medical interventions and surgeries, she was a HAPPY child, in spite of everything that was done to her. Again, this speaks more to the resiliency of children than to the whether something you do to them is "good" or not.
I'm really not seeing which parts of Babywise you agree with? This really isn't surprising, most "Babywise" parents I talk to give all the credit for their success to the book, but when you question them closer, they have "modified" the methods in the book to the point that they aren't even close to what is actually written. In that case, you are not actually following Babywise, you are doing your own thing based on a few ideas you picked up from the book. If you are not ignoring your baby's cries, then you aren't doing Babywise.
There is a good book about sleeping for those babies who obviously aren't getting enough, and for whose parents it is wearing them down. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly has been well praised and is very pro-bfing. She provides ways to make sure kids get enough sleep without making them cry for hours on end. And she does this with "schedules" though some of it is following baby's schedule.
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Some babies and some families work better with schedules than others. I *hate* schedules. I don't do well with them myself. If I am tired at 9 pm I like going to bed at 9 pm. If I'm *not* and am up until midnight, great.
I don't look at the clock to see if it is noon if I am hungry. I listen to my tummy growl and eat. If it is 11 am, so be it. Some days it is 2 pm instead.
The only drawback to this is that it is rare that everyone has the same degree of hunger or tiredness in a 4 or more person family at any one time. But as they age and can get their own snacks and know to go lie down when tired, it becomes less of an issue. ;-)
Anyhow, I never EVER looked at a clock except in the first few weeks and it was ONLY to make sure my babies didn,t go *longer* than 3 hours without nursing b/c I didn't want them getting so sleepy, and missing their sleepy hunger cues, and have them get dehydrated. Once they were more alert and nursing well (around 3 weeks for DD1 and by 10 days for DD2) I let them be and they nursed when they wanted. Frequently or not. My MIL used to drive me crazy by saying "but she nursed an hour ago she can't be hungry yet?!" and I'd say "you just had supper an hour ago, why are you wanting dessert now?". ;-) Nursing was her salad, her soup, her main course, her drink, and her dessert all in one. Why shouldn't she nurse as often as once an hour if we are generally eating things 3-5 times a day and we are *adults*... (NB DD2 didn't nurse as often as once an hour through the night, though DD1 did nurse a lot at night as well as during the day).
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" I treat my baby the way I would like to be treated."
You know, this really sums it all up for me.
"usually, although she will talk to herself for a while sometimes instead of crying and screaming b/f she falls asleep
Does she cry and scream
Absolutely the eventual goal is to get them to sleep on their own, it's just not an 8 week goal or a 3 month goal.
>I don't want you to feel singled out at all here Keri, but cytotec (misoprostal) is a NASTY horrible drug to give to pg women. It has been singled out as the cause of uterine rupture in numerous cases, and yet is still used by ob/gyn's b/c it is *cheap*...bottom line=money.<<
Don't worry, I don't feel bad. I know the risks of cytotec and how horrible it is. At the time it seemed like the best option to speed up labor as the pit was making Gianna decel even more. So it was either that or a section (or at least that is how it was presented to me). My doctor warned me going in to it that at the slightest sign of trouble he was going to section me. Luckily Gianna decided to fly out so we avoided the section. In a normal case there is no way that stuff would have been accepted by me.
It is a long story so I will condense it a bit.
It all started with rhogam. I am Rh- and needed Rhogam. I didn't know much about pregnancy or anything because I never wanted kids. I read up a bit and told him I needed the shot. He said that my titers had tested + so I would have to go to a specialist. I went to the specialist and he didn't send in the blood work. They refused to see me. Come to find out that my titers were -. I never got the shot at 28 weeks (I did get it prior in my pg because I had bleeding). So that was strike one, but not really a huge deal.
Then there came the group B strep test....never happened. He told me I was worrying for nothing. I read up a bit and when I went to the hospital to be induced (because he was going on vacation and it was a convenience for him) I asked for the test. They called the doctor and he said he had done the test and that I was -. I told them that I was sure I would remember if he had done it and so they did it and I was +.
So that night I had the antibiotics and they started the induction with Cervadil (not much better than cytotec, but I was ignorant and stupid for still being trusting). It threw me into the worst pain of false labor. I asked for something for the pain and the idiot prescribed demerol. But not only demerol but twice the normal dose. The nurse didn't really check the order and just dispensed it telling me this is something for the pain. Within about 30 seconds Aria's heart rate started dropping within seconds I was hooked up to oxygen and being prepped for a c-section. At the lowest her heart rate was a 20. Luckily it picked back up as they were rolling me out. The nurse figured out what the problem was and started a drip of something else. I don't remember much of this as I was really out of it. As soon as I came out of the fog, I declared that I was going home. Dr. idiot came in to check on me and it took all the strength that I had not to kill him, he wanted to check for dilation before I could leave the hospital and said I wasn't dilated at all. I fired him on the spot and he had a temper tantrum complete with cursing and the nurse had to threaten calling security before he would leave. I was planning to go home but they asked me to consult with the staff doctor first. When the staff doctor checked me (about 3 minutes later) he said I was at a 3 and urged me not to go home. Aria was born 7 hours and 47 minutes later not breathing. She was still slugish from the demerol and had also swallowed fluid on the way out. The nicu team was there in a few seconds and suctioned the crap(literally and figuratively) out of her and she started breathing. They kept an eye on her for a few hours and she was fine. Oh and on a side note....the epi didn't work so on top of everything it was pretty painful...but no screaming...I could do that whole scientologist thing. I am very quiet when in pain.
Oh my God, what a horrible experience. I dont' know if you've mentioned it before, but did you ever report Dr. Idiot? What a terrible excuse for a physician. Thank God Aria turned out OK.
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