Commitment, or lack thereof...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Commitment, or lack thereof...
1085
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 1:56pm

So I just saw something somewhere else (won't specify where, but I bet a few of you will figure it out!) where a woman indicated that she WAS planning on breastfeeding, but now because of a heated debate about it, she doesn't want to anymore.


Ummmmm, are you kidding me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 5:57pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 5:59pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 6:03pm

"You don't have to 'control the bad out of them' from day one."


Exactly!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 6:09pm

Honestly THAT kind of crying wouldn't bother me!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 6:59pm

"So what happens if for some reason you are occupied, she cries, and you come running to her. She knows that if she cries, you will come. It's simple cause and effect."

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I had the same thought! At almost 5, my DD can understand "mommy will attend to your needs in a minute" if I'm in the middle of something and she needs me for a non-emergency. She can fuss if she's unhappy with that arrangement. At 5 months, a baby does not have the capacity to understand why her needs are not being met. In her mind, the person that can make her feel better isn't doing anything to help. That's just sad. :(

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Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 7:29pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 8:24pm

<<>>

Why is SLEEP more important than comforting the baby? What makes this approach preferable to other methods of putting a child to sleep?

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I've raised six children through infancy and toddlerhood. I did not have to "teach" any of them to crawl or walk or talk, I didn't have to demonstrate or encourage. I could not possibly have STOPPED them from learning it, with or without me! My oldest sons were determined to walk and would pull up on anything, but wouldn't LET me hold their hands to "help" them. My youngest had hip dysplasia and was in harnesses, braces and casts for the first year of her life. She figured out how to "crawl" IN THE CAST... ON HER OWN. (we didn't even know that was possible!) And she figured out how to walk very quickly once she got out of the cast (around 15 months), even though she had never walked before, much earlier than we thought she would. We didn't have to "teach" her any of this, she would not be stopped, not even by a full body cast! :-) And believe it or not, babies CAN learn to sleep from watching you. When my babies woke up and started to fuss in the night, many times all I had to do was sigh deeply a few times(like a loud yawn) and they would imitate me and fall back to sleep. :-)

Letting a child cry themselves to sleep is not "helping" them.... leaving someone alone is the OPPOSITE of "helping". It is forcing them to figure something out on their own, whether they are ready to or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 8:56pm

"At almost 5, my DD can understand "mommy will attend to your needs in a minute" if I'm in the middle of something and she needs me for a non-emergency. She can fuss if she's unhappy with that arrangement. At 5 months, a baby does not have the capacity to understand why her needs are not being met. In her mind, the person that can make her feel better isn't doing anything to help."


Exactly.

Cathie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 9:03pm

<<>>

I guess that's the main difference between our personal philosophies. I WANT my child to know from experience that if she cries for me, I WILL come help her. I WANT to build that trust in her so that she will become confident that I am NEVER going to just leave her alone to cry, and that I WILL come, EVERY time. IMO, our primary job as parents is to be a living representation of the character of God to our children. There is NEVER a time that God ignores my cries, so what gives me the right to ignore my childs? (I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you, Jn. 14:18) Did you know that Ezzo bases his "ignore their cries" theory on his own religious beliefs, not science? He says in his religious materials (GKGW) that the reason we should not respond to our children when they cry at the "wrong" time is that God did not respond to Christ when he cried out on the cross. Not only is this bad theology, but it's a pretty poor basis for a parenting method, don't you think???

You keep saying that you ONLY read the Babywise book, so the rest of his books are irrelevant, but unless you understand the basis of his schedule and philosophy, how can you really decide if they are good or not? ALL of his methods are based on his religious beliefs, the original series was "Growing Kids God's Way"... Babywise is nothing more than the "secularized" version of these materials. (and that alone should make you stop and think.... if God is such a huge part of his philosophy, why does he leave any mention of God out of Babywise?) There is NO MEDICAL BASIS for his feeding schedule, his "sleep training" or anything else in his book. He actually MADE UP studies to support his positions. (and was subsequently dropped by his publisher, Multnomah) Why would you trust someone who has a history of intentionally misleading people? He has had to leave two churches due to discipline issues, he is estranged from his adult children, what about this man's character makes him someone you would trust for good, reliable parenting advice???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 9:11pm

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