Commitment, or lack thereof...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Commitment, or lack thereof...
1085
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 1:56pm

So I just saw something somewhere else (won't specify where, but I bet a few of you will figure it out!) where a woman indicated that she WAS planning on breastfeeding, but now because of a heated debate about it, she doesn't want to anymore.


Ummmmm, are you kidding me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:07pm

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adriennesiggy.jpg picture by ansevey

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:09pm

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I hope that they can recognize that these methods suggested in the other books are not the greatest.

adriennesiggy.jpg picture by ansevey

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:14pm

<<>>

Sorry, but that's a Hobson's choice. (A Hobson's choice is a free choice in which only one option is offered, and one may refuse to take that option. The choice is therefore between taking the option or not taking it. It is essentially a "false choice".) She isn't "choosing to cry", YOU are "choosing not to respond". Her only real "choices" are to go to sleep or be ignored. How is that teaching her to trust you? Apparently you only come when YOU want to, and NOT when she cries for you. You cannot explain the difference to her at this age, so how is your child supposed to understand WHY you respond sometimes and not at others? That's like a 6yo saying "well I told my brother to stop humming or I would hit him and he wouldn't stop, so he CHOSE to get hit!" Not a real choice.

<<<<>

Well, I'm very glad I've chosen not to follow any of his other books, then!

I don't understand your question, but in regards to the other books, I started reading the next one up from Babywise, and did not agree w/ alot of the stuff in it. So I decided not to pursue.

This is quite contradictory. I didn't gather any religionized thoughts from Babywise at all.>>>

LOL Hon, you ARE following this exact advice. Babywise IS "Growing Kids God's Way", just sanitized and cleaned up for a secular audience. All "religious" references were carefully edited out so it would appeal to non-religious readers, a very clever marketing strategy that significantly increased his profit margin. (people who would not buy an obviously "religious" parenting book would be more likely to buy a secular "make your baby sleep through the night" book. You did, didn't you?) Everything you read in Babywise IS based on this same twisted theology. Selectively ignoring cries? That IS from the "God ignored Christ" idea. "Parent Directed Feeding"? That's directly from his religious beliefs, too. "God is a God of order". EVERYTHING in Babywise is based on his personal religious philosophies. NONE of it is based on any kind of medical or scientific fact. In fact, he specifically instructs his followers NOT to tell their doctor that they are following his materials because they won't agree with it! The AAP sent out an official warning about his SCHEDULE causing "Failure to Thrive" in some infants. Just because you were not aware of the basis of his materials does not change where they came from.

In fact, I was thinking about you today and I reserved a copy of Babywise from my library so I can make direct comparisons with GKGW (I own a copy) if you are interested in the actual roots of the advice in YOUR book. :-)

Stephanie
mom to six sensational kids
with another blessing on the way!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:16pm

<<"I do not see anything bad about getting baby on a routine."


Neither do the rest of us, if it's either the one the baby *naturally* falls into OR is one that *fits* the baby.>>


As I said b/f, I don't think that Babywise is for every child.

adriennesiggy.jpg picture by ansevey

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:21pm

<<<<>

Oh no, I don't either. I meant for older ones (I don't even do this w/ DD yet)>>>

As a mom of 4 extremely high energy (and 2 ADHD) boys, time-outs were just never an option. There is NO WAY to keep a kid like that in one spot for more than a few seconds without duct taping them to the spot. LOL Now that I've learned about other parenting methods, time-outs just don't seem like a very effective method so I don't use them. I have too many other options that work better (IME).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:25pm

*****While I see ignoring the cries/pleas of a tantruming four yo as teaching him that what mom says goes and that he can't always have his way*****

Even with a tantrumming kid i don't ignore his cries. I'll give him a hug and empathise with his disappointment/anger/frustration, I'll help him name his feelings and find appropriate ways of expressing them, I'll make sure he knows why I'm enforcing the rule and that he is still loved AND i still won't give in.






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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:25pm

<>


When she cries at bedtime or naptime, it is b/c she wants me to take her out of the crib.

adriennesiggy.jpg picture by ansevey

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:38pm

<<

But I like to think that I have a good enough head on my shoulders to think for myself, rather than searching out comments from angry parents who feel that Babywise failed them. These parents maybe should have been more attentive to the fact that Babywise was not working for their babies. I've read the actual book, so I know exactly what Ezzo suggests (although the term infant managment is not used in the book, only by critics). And it's just him, not his wife also as the author of Babywise.>>>

The problem is, many parents will not figure out that their child is not a "right fit" until they have already been harmed. They will try the schedule.... and everything will SEEM to be going JUST FINE.... until around 4 months when they end up losing their milk supply and not be able to get it back. Why? Because the schedule does not allow for enough feedings to keep up every woman's supply. Ezzo even admits this:

"In the 2001 edition of Babywise, Ezzo has inserted a disclaimer that Babywise may not be compatible with a given woman's desire to breastfeed "long-term". He does leave that term undefined. Elsewhere in Babywise Ezzo notes that an inhouse study he says he conducted revealed that mothers on his program nursed their babies for an average of 33.2 weeks (just over 8 months.)

Page 63:

We wish everything in this book worked perfectly for each mom/baby combination when it comes to lactation. But we know there will always be statistical variances. We understand that different moms have different reasons for choosing to breastfeed, and different goals with regard to breastfeeding and length of time they intend to breastfeed.

The Babywise philosophy is not a single category philosophy. By that we mean we do not believe the single categories of breastfeeding and breast-milk production are the only categories of developmental concern when it comes to infants, nor is it the highest ranking concern for all new parents. We respect those who do believe this. Ultimately, we believe what really matters is what matters to you. Where you, the parent places breastfeeding and/or the establishment of healthy day and nighttime sleep as a priority will direct you to the feeding philosophy that can best accomplish your goals.

We advise moms and dads to be sure that they know before the baby is born what their priorities are because in parenting there will always be trade-offs. For example, are you willing to trade the establishment of your baby's nighttime sleep patterns for long term nighttime breastfeeding? Or, are you willing to risk a challenge to long term breastfeeding for the benefits gained with the order and structure derived from routine feedings? While most moms can satisfy both with Babywise, we recognize that not all moms can because in parenting no philosophy comes without trade-offs. Therefore it is okay to deviate from either your routine or breastfeeding philosophy to accomplish whichever priority is most important to you. >>>

In other words, using his schedule will put you AT RISK of not being able to breastfeed. Notice how he talks about "priorities".... implying that you have to choose between SLEEP and breastfeeding. This is ONLY true if you are following his schedule.

Other parents have babies who sleep for long periods of time, only to find out that they are not getting enough to eat and not gaining weight appropriately (FTT). Why? Because they do what you do... if it's not "time" to eat, they give the baby a pacifier to hold them off. Unless the baby is insistent and continues to cry, they will not be fed (a la Ezzo's advice... feed a HUNGRY baby... but it's better if you can hold them off so you don't compromise the schedule)

For parents who end up with a hospitalized child, or who are FORCED to use formula because they lose their milk, the program IS HORRIBLE. Just because you dodged that particular bullet does not mean the program is safe. The AAP says it is DANGEROUS and warns against it. I'm curious why this doesn't seem to mean anything to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:39pm

To stick with the topic at hand and from a completely unemotional view, scheduling is

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:42pm
/timeouts are a DISASTER for my sensitive 6 year old. He feels so hurt and rejected that he cannot think about anything else (like what he is being punished for) or calm himself down. Generally the less punitive and control-freakish I can be the better he behaves - something I have had to learn the hard way to both of our cost.





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