Death of a baby...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Death of a baby...
74
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 9:24pm
OK, imagine this scenario:

someone who has previously said they would donate their milk for a mom who can't produce enough gives birth at 38 weeks to a stillborn baby. It it out of line to *gently* ask if she would still care to provide milk, even if it's only the milk she pumps to relieve herself while she dries up?

Fio.

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Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 10:37pm
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~christine~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 10:54pm
Care to add to that? :-)

Fio.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 11:31pm
I would NEVER ask her for it! If she intended on still giving the milk she would take action and do so... otherwise it's an unfortunate situation for the milk-less mother, but a more horrible situation for the mother of the still born babe and it would be totally out of line to push that! Just my opinion.

Kimberley

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-02-2003 - 11:35pm
As if it needs elaborating on, Fio. My goodness. If the mother who had the still-born baby *wants* to donate her milk....believe me, she will let the other mother know. I would NEVER EVER consider asking someone who just lost their baby. No way.


christine


~christine~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 12:24am
I don't think it's necessarily out of line assuming she had planned on donating. It would need to be handled very carefully though. Some mums would find donating milk to be terribly painful while others might find it healing. I see it as a similar situation to organ donation (at least in terms of 'ettiqette' for want of a better word)- something which grieving families are often asked about.

Isabel





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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 7:15am
I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to ask her. I agree that it ranks up there with organ donation. For some donating is healing but for others the thought just causes more pain. It's a tough call and a very sad situation.~Lisa
Avatar for trekkiegirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 9:29am
I definitely agree that it's similar to asking about organ donation--it's done at a very unfortunate time, but that's the only time to do it. If organ donation is being discussed, the same person who's talking to them about that can ask about the milk donation. They're trained to gently and tactfully discuss these issues. It would have to be handled very carefully, though.

Anne

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 9:45am
How can you compare this to organ donation?? Organ donation happens ONCE. While donating her milk would continue for months. Also, organ donation is a LIFE and DEATH sitauation. A baby won't die without mother's milk....they can give formula. What you would be asking her to do is relive her pain several times a day.

The donation would have to come from her, and her alone. Noone should ask her.


christine

EDITED: Also, the donation would go to a mother "Who can't produce enough." Nowhere did it say she can't produce any. Why can't the mother supplement with formula?? This is a no-brainer.




Edited 9/3/2003 9:47:03 AM ET by cl-sunny.side.up


~christine~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 9:54am
I haven't read the other replies yet, but I would most definitely say no. I have a friend who just delivered a still-born baby 3 weeks ago and I would be APPALLED if anyone asked her to do such a thing. The mother's feeling and well-being are much more important than someone else's child receiving BM. When it's your baby some sacrifice might be in order (those first weeks are tough, but toughing it out for your own child is one thing), but not for someone who is GRIEVING their baby's death. This friend BFed her first until 22 months and her milk coming in was one of the most difficult things for her to deal with in the aftermath.

Why would you even ask such a thing? Would you seriously consider being so cold-hearted or is this just to generate conversation? Have you ever been close to someone who lost a baby? I think if you had you wouldn't post such a question.

- Ingrid


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 9:58am
Not to mention you are asking her to make her body CONTINUE to produce milk by pumping. How could you even think of prolonging her physical healing process like that? I think if she felt she wanted to donate it would be one thing - but completely heartless and the hight of insensitivity to ask her to do so.

- Ingrid


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