Is this a debate board or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Is this a debate board or what?
34
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 10:47pm
I'm sorry. I know I'm "new" here and some of you have been around for years and have developed friendships and deep bonds. But I get the distinct feeling that my opinions and comments are not welcomed here because I'm not "in the click". Someone made a comment to someone else about my post to the effect of "I disagree with her but I'm not going to bother responding....not worth my time...no offense to the other ladies on this board, you're all great..." WTF? I thought the whole purpose of this board was to DEBATE not hang out and play nicey nice! Why bother posting here AT ALL if you don't want to debate? Not everybody has been this way and a few of you did welcome me warmly--thank you for that.

I noticed that someone (same person I quoted above)also said something in a post that I made reference to in a reply to her. She then went and EDITED her post, deleted the comment that I quoted, and didn't mention it to me. If she deleted it, she must've realized it was not exactly what she meant, the least I would expect is a reply to me saying "Sorry, you're right, that was a cheap shot, I'm taking it out of the post". But nothing, she just deletes it and doesn't address me.

To have an honest debate, going back and deleting little snipets that you realized made you look like an ass AFTER someone had commented on it is a cheap shot. And not fair in my book. If this is how it's going to be here I suppose I should blow out of here and leave you ladies with your happy little clicks to yourselves. I'm sorry for actually thinking that this was a debate board, where people wished to grow and develop their opinions, not get insulted when someone comes along with a strong opinion different from their own.

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Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 11:22pm

What you have experienced is what we affectionately refer to as, "the bulldozer effect."


~christine~

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 11:54pm

One more thing......


I agree with you regarding the editing.


~christine~

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 11:57am

The beauty of a debate board is not all will agree with you. This debate board happens to be about a very touchy subject to many. On either side of the fence it is touchy. Judgements fly on both sides and when you came in saying just maybe formula is better then beatnik you ticked a lot off. Why would you say that if you didn't think it was? From your other posts I get the impression that to you formula is better then bm. That is fine but when you come on a debate board saying that you should expect to have it "ripped " apart by those who do not agree. For me who is 100% pro breastfeeding it is hard to even imagine that one day studies may come out saying formula is better. Like another poster said if it better why do formula makers keep working to make formula more like breast milk? And say breast is best? I personally do not care how many studies come out saying formula is best (if that were to ever happen) there is no way


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Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 12:22pm
Don't leave! We ff'ing moms have to stick together,lol!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 12:36pm
Sorry, I don't know much about editing protocol. Now that you have posted it, I will be more careful.

Basically, I wasn't getting across what I wanted to say, and edited it to more reflect what I really meant. I guess I should take my time in responding, maybe type it up in Word, revise it multiple times, then cut and paste and post it.

Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 12:51pm
Well, I'll try and answer you to your satisfaction.

{{"I disagree with her but I'm not going to bother responding....not worth my time...no offense to the other ladies on this board, you're all great..." WTF? I thought the whole purpose of this board was to DEBATE not hang out and play nicey nice! Why bother posting here AT ALL if you don't want to debate? Not everybody has been this way and a few of you did welcome me warmly--thank you for that.}}

Sorry, I should have posted that to you and not in my response to Debbie. You stated that you have a certain debtating style. I do not do well with that style, quite frankly I don't like it. I believe that part of the rules of a debate board includes the freedom to respond or to not respond. I posted that I agreed with a couple of posters and did not expound. That is perfectly acceptable in a debate board. You can agree with a poster and show support, but you don't have to debate it if you don't want to. I didn't add anything because they had addressed all the points I wished to make. I didn't think I could do it any better. The one time I did elaborate with one sentence, you did not respond to the poster but to me, and your post was an attack.

{{I noticed that someone (same person I quoted above)also said something in a post that I made reference to in a reply to her. She then went and EDITED her post, deleted the comment that I quoted, and didn't mention it to me. If she deleted it, she must've realized it was not exactly what she meant, the least I would expect is a reply to me saying "Sorry, you're right, that was a cheap shot, I'm taking it out of the post". But nothing, she just deletes it and doesn't address me.}}

Sorry, I don't quite understand all the rules of editing. I did think that it was too harsh, so I took it out. I wasn't getting across what I wanted to say and so I kept changing it. I now realize that I will have to wait awhile before I respond and think about what I want to say and try and post it completely without editing.

{{To have an honest debate, going back and deleting little snipets that you realized made you look like an ass AFTER someone had commented on it is a cheap shot. And not fair in my book. If this is how it's going to be here I suppose I should blow out of here and leave you ladies with your happy little clicks to yourselves. I'm sorry for actually thinking that this was a debate board, where people wished to grow and develop their opinions, not get insulted when someone comes along with a strong opinion different from their own.}}

To be quite frank, I did not read your response to me. It is sometimes hard for me to leave the board and not think about it IRL. If there is a thread that is bothering me too much, I back off. I am too sensitive at times for this debate board, so instead of torturing myself, I back off. I figure there's enough grief IRL without adding to it by arguing with a perfect stranger. However, I do lurk and post occassionally because there are aspects of it I do enjoy. That is why I didn't debate your posts and only said ITA to the two posters. Your style of posting bothers me too much and so I decided to back off. You are often illogical and don't make sense. You accuse others of posting things that you yourself have posted. From my POV, any response to you would go nowhere.

If you have felt any unwelcome, it is not due to any clique. I don't feel that I am part of a clique on this board. Any negativity you have encountered is because you have been insulting in your posts.

Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 1:39pm
Thank you for addressing this Sherry. I understand, I also get frustrated sometimes when I feel that people are misinterpreting my words and type things to hastily. In fact I wrote something to someone else this morning that I realize now was too harsh but at the time I was aggrevated. Like you I sometimes take this stuff too personally.

I sometimes feel that "if only they could feel what I feel in my heart, if only they could understand the point I'm trying to make, we'd all be in agreement." Not that I"m saying my idea's are the RIGHT ideas and everyone else's are wrong. I never thought that for a minute. In fact I keep saying that there is no right or wrong answer here. The one thing I hope to "win" in this debate is the respect of those BF who feel that women who don't even try BF are selfish. I would love to cross the miles of misunderstanding between us and bridge it with mutal respect and understanding. I've heard alot of BF here say that while you may not UNDERSTAND a woman's choice to never try BF, you are still respectful of it IRL and would never say anything to her face. Well, in my eyes, unless you feel that respect in your heart, unless you truly UNDERSTAND it and it doesn't bother you inside, then it's not truly being non-judgemental. It's not true respect. It's an act. Sure, what goes on inside someone's head is nobody's business. But still, I believe we can get to that point were we each understand and truly respect each other's choices. Inside and outside.

It's definitely a touchy subject...I guess whenever our choices are questioned it touches some nerves. In the end, all of us here want what is best for our children. Let's not lose sight of that!

Anne

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 2:56pm

Life would be rather dull if we all agreed. I think you can respect someone's choice and not agree or understand it. I respect the women on this board. All have had to make


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Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 3:11pm

Sherry, please know that I have no idea what post she was referring to....or that it was your post.


~christine~

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 3:33pm
I do that sometimes, lol. Bu more then not I dont and I am fixing a typo. Now after reading how soem felt about editing I did edit a post I was completly wrong about but left the orginal post and fixed it, lol




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