Dissapointed my best friend wont BF (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Dissapointed my best friend wont BF (m)
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Thu, 05-08-2003 - 2:38pm
& i may get flamed here, but its tough NOT to judge. Sort of.

We grew up together (since age 5), we were each each others Maid of Honors & even though we live 4 hours away, we have stayed best friends. She is pg w/ her first baby. I just ASSUMED she would BF. Why? well, b/c she is a well educated person w/ no emotional or physical issues that i know of that may preclude her from breast feeding - yet, she wont even TRY it, it seems.

I didnt get crazy about it. I am still nursing (albeit only maybe once a day, if that, my 3 yr 3 month old dd - & she thinks THAT is nutz .... as do many others, lol)- so i WANT to get crazt about it, lol. I just nonchalantly asked her, via email, if she was going to nurse, b/c i wanted to do a nice basket for her shower, & would have included Lanosh, the book "SO That's What They're For", etc. Her answer was "We havent decided yet, but are leaning towards no". So i wrote back "Not that you even have to answer or discuss it, but can i ask why? Some women i work with (I am an L&D RN) dont think they want to either, but when they are given information that maybe they hadnt known, they end up breastfeeding & loving it. I have some info & articles if you are interested". She wrote back, quite curtly "Brian & i have all the research we need & we will make the best decision for US, when the time comes". I wrote back "OK, not another word about it". lol

What i WISH i had done was NOT ask, & just give her the book. Maybe then she would have read it & then she may have at least tried it. I just dont GET why someone WOULDNT at least attempt to give their baby what is the absolute best, healthwise. So we went to her shower & i overheard people asking her & she said she was bottle feeding.

Of course i wouldnt let it affect our relationship or my feelings for her, but i just dont get it! R~

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Avatar for kfira71
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 2:49pm
Have to respond quickly here cause my little man is up from his nap, but what I find really odd here is that she won't tell you why she's not going to BF. I mean, I know it's a personal decision, and really no one's business. But, you've said this is your best friend, so I assume you're close. I can't imagine why someone wouldn't be comfortable sharing their reasons with someone they're that close to (unless she feels you would judge her, which I guess would be a personal thing in your relationship with her). Just seems like something close friends could discuss, regardless of their stance. But again, I'm just posting this quickly, so maybe I'll have another thought later.

~Kim

"Becoming a parent means agreeing to allow your heart to go walking around outside of your body."

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 3:00pm
Well.....I guess I wouldn't be much of a friend because I'd give her the darn book and Lansinoh anyway. Despite her leaning towards ff. But that's me.


christine


~christine~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 3:09pm
You make me laugh! Good for you! I SHOULD! But she's not really the type that would appeciate the humor in it, at all! Not after she blatantly told me in no uncertain terms she was DONE w/ the conversation. lol R~
Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 3:21pm
Let me tell you. My best friend was all for spanking children. I am not. Anyway, some of her methods were terrible and it always bothered me to know what she was doing. I would say things to her on the phone, email her links and articles.....just anything I could to give her info and the help "I" thought she needed...lol. I know that it bothered her about what I was doing but she never made an issue of it. she knows my passion regarding hitting children. I found out later that one of the articles I had sent to her hit home with her. She ended up crying over it. From then on she was on her way to not spanking. She was looking for info, help, and support. She did tell me that normally she just deleted my emails......but this one time she opened it and read it.


Anyway......I'm relentless. When something is as important to me as spanking a child.....well, I don't easily give up;)


christine


~christine~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 3:45pm
I think it was fine that you asked her reasons providing you are willing to accept her answers (at least to her if not in your own mind). If she is uneducated about the choice you may could be of a great resource if she is willing to learn. But if I was given a book since I am educated & have made the choice to ff I'd either re-gift it, exchange it, or it would collect dust sitting on a shelf because I've made an educated decision, I don't need extra material (don't want extra material).

Respect for the parent's choice even when it is not one you make on your own is of the most utmost importance. All you can do is hope they made an educated choice.

While you don'tget why someone wouldn't at least attempt to bf'd, it is not your place to question them aloud, only to yourself.

I'm one of those people you wouldn't understand but I have made the decision to bottle feed again for the 2nd time and it is an educated decision.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 3:50pm
About spanking .... did you ever read the story about - i cant QUITE remember it, but it was SO SO SO sad. It goes soemthing like a little boy always got hit, i think w/ something. & at some point he goes outside & gets a big branch to wgive his mother to hit him with? I cant remember it, & wish i had saved it somewhere. Any idea what i am talking about? I knwo that whatver the kid did in the end, hsi parent realized the pain & humiliation he was inflicting on his child. R~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 4:27pm
De-lurking to give you the link you're looking for. I agree - it's a sad and touching story....

http://www.atlc.org/Resources/never_violence.php

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 4:46pm
I agree with you. I don't understand why any woman who has the physically capacity (ie. not taking any meds that could harm the baby, etc.) would not at least TRY! It's one of the best things you can do for your baby and it's too bad her baby isn't even going to get a LITTLE breastmilk. Makes me sad, too. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 5:25pm
I don't get it either, FWIW, but you've done all you can. It's really her decision and her decision - it's *her* child. If you want to be a good friend, I think you should just let it go at this point and accept your difference of opinion.

-Deb

 

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 7:19pm
Yes, I have. It is about this little boy who is told to go and get a branch in which to hit him with. He can't find a branch so brings a rock instead.

Sad.....

christine


~christine~

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