Extreme?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Extreme?
9
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 3:57pm

"You don't have to go to the attachment-parenting extreme where your baby is glued to you and never

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 5:16pm

I think that as I parented longer, I got closer and closer to attachment parenting - because in the long run, it made the babies happier and therefore it was much easier to parent. I carried or used a pack on my back - didn't know about front ones - my third child a lot more, because he just did not like the stroller much at all. But I see that as he liked to be close, because that is what I gave him the rest of the time, rather than that he was spoilt.

Extreme?

To people who want to get on with life without too much interference from thebaby, it may seem extreme. But I tend to wonder why these people have babies, if your main aim is to have thebaby not bothering you.

Responding with love, security and cuddles, if done consistently, certainly will lead a parent to something fairly close at least to attachment parenting.

Breastfeeding will help the parent who want s to do that, because it is necessary to be cuddling and giving security every single time the baby needs to be fed. Also, the hormones are working in your favour if you breastfeed, in most cases.

Teresa

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
In reply to: nisupulla
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 6:26pm

Anything that puts the baby first, consideres the baby's needs as important, seems to be considered extreme by many people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
In reply to: nisupulla
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 8:39pm
I like "love, security, and cuddles." It's a good description of what we do as parents. I haven't really embraced the term attachment parenting as what I do, maybe bc it is seen as extreme.

We bed share, I bf and follow natural weaning. I do spend a lot of time with my kids and can't really imagine a significant separation at a young age ( eg vacation wo the kids). But I do work outside the home, and I use a stroller frequently, though I also babywear. I do what feels right and works for us, and there is a lot of love, closeness, cuddles and kisses, andthat does engender security.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 12:13am
Attachment parenting isn't extreme by definition. Though certainly within every group there are extremes at either end. Attachment parenting is a philosophy and a proscribed set of suggested behaviors, but everyone practices it in their own unique way. I think a lot of people are AP'ers without even realizing it. Some who could be considered "extreme APers" aren't really following AP.

For sure some people view AP as extreme, though they often do so without knowing anything about it. I heard a PhD in the psychology field describe it as extreme, it was pretty clear it was not based on really understanding what AP is actually about. Overall the issue seems to be a lot of confusion and misunderstanding when it comes to AP.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 6:36am

You sound right on it with that assessment. There are likely to be people around who hear of a few practices, and then label the entire package extreme, because one thing seemed extreme to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: nisupulla
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 10:48pm
I think it depends a lot on how AP is presented. I remember watching some serial reality TV show when I was pg with E or shortly before. One episode had a woman who was feeling like she'd lost herself because she practiced AP. The way they showed it, she was not allowed to set her 18-month-old down. They showed her carrying her daughter around all day, doing everything (not in a sling, wrap, or carrier). The narrator said that AP means keeping your child physically close to you at all times. I remember thinking I'd shoot myself if I was never able to set my baby down, not even to take a shower.

Nowadays, of course I know that's a horrible misrepresentation of what AP really means. But I think that too many people present it that way. My guess is that making AP sound absolutely crazy (as the idea that you wouldn't be allowed to set your child down for three or four years would be) makes it easier to discredit the AP fundamentals. After all, if those who practice AP are nuts, then XBF, co-sleeping, delayed solids, babywearing, etc, are all suspect.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 2:33am
If by "attachment-parenting extreme" they mean AP in general then no, I disagree with their characterizations of AP. AP to me is a parenting philosophy not a strict set of rules. Unfortunately many people, including many in the media, portray the practice of minority of AP parents who follow a strict set of rules that they feel is required part of AP as if it's represents AP in general. AP is to not a strict set of rules to me and I believe their are many different valid ways to interpret the AP philosophy and apply it in practice. It perfectly acceptable and beneficial to modify your parenting practice to the needs of your family. That may mean not BF'ing until your child completely self-weans on their own or not holding/carrying your baby/child 24/7, for example. Of course if you choose not to BF at all solely by choice, choose to never hold your baby at all, and have your child sleep in a crib in another room from day one then at your so far away from AP that not really applying the AP philosophy at all. At some point if your so divergent from the list of AP practices then your simply a "mainstream" parent but defining exactly where the line between "mainstream" parenting rends and AP begins is a difficult one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 11:35am

defining exactly where the line between "mainstream" parenting rends and AP begins is a difficult one.

Yes! So for me labeling AP "extreme" makes about as much sense as labeling mainstream parenting "extreme". By that I mean not very much sense.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 9:55pm
I think it depends on the parent. There are some people who do AP who are VERY extreme but there are those crazies who expect their two week old to be on a strict schedule.
If a person is doing AP and mainly going with what their child likes/dislikes and what works for their family then it's not extreme. But the idea that if you ever put your child in a stroller or let them cry for five minutes then you will scar them for life is extreme to me.
bigbro