If someone offered you free breastmilk..

Avatar for happilyloved
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
If someone offered you free breastmilk..
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Wed, 05-21-2003 - 9:09pm
Obviously this question is for ff moms. If someone close to you with a baby the same age as yours offered to give you expressed breastmilk, what would your reaction be? Would you be offended? appreciative? For the sake of argument, assume that you know them well enough to trust that they are drug/disease free.

I'm truly curious. My cousin and I have dds less that two weeks apart. I have chosen bf and she has chosen ff. I have a VERY abundant supply - for a while I had to pump and bottlefeed (2 1/2 weeks). During this period I was pumping 12 oz for every 3 she ate. I considered offering the surplus to my cousin for her daughter. I don't know her reasons for choosing to ff so I didn't. I'm just curious how you would have reacted - assuming that the offer did not come with any judgement - she is an awesome mom, no doubt about that.

Ann and dd 2/10/03

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Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 9:29pm
ABSOLUTELY!!

Infact, my very best friend is like 16weeks pg. Hopefully, I will be soon too. She has already offered to pump for me if need be and freeze and ship it. How cool is that??

In a heartbeat.....in a heartbeat.


christine


~christine~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 9:53pm
I BF and have no supply problems, so this is a bit of a moot point, but if I were FF'ing out of necessity, I would welcome any and all human milk I could get from trusted sources.

I happen to have nursed one friend's DS twice, and donated privately to another for her son who needed supplementing b/c of production issues.

Fio.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 10:43pm
Polite no thank you with a smile and as gracious as I could be while declining. If they insisted (as in brought it to my front door situation) I could pour it down the drain, I still would not use it.

Offended? No. Unless they started downing formula when I've made an informed decision and they assume or know it either one. That would annoy me. Appreciative? Sure, that they were kind enough to offer. Like when people bring me green beans (or offer) from their garden when we don't eat them (well, my dh does if his mother cooks them because I can't get them cooked good in the past13 yrs lol).

In your situation, I would not offer, as I put myself in the other's shoes. She would be put in an awkward position whether it meant for it to be that way or not, it would be uncomfortable for her to decline (supposing she would since she is ffing). I wouldn't want to be put in that position or place another in that position.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 9:26am
I dunno... I'd be a little "skeeved." Donor milk wouldn't make me uncomfortable this way (I believe Fio calls it the "squick factor" LOL) but I've got other issues with that. The skeeve-factor here is because I *know* the person. Plus I would have some innate objection to someone I know providing nourishment for my child in a way that only his or her mother should be able to. Guess I wouldn't have done well in the wet nurse culture, huh?

This one's all emotional - no facts. I just wouldn't like it. Some little part of me would react as if this other person were trying to "mother" my child in a way that bothered me. I don't think that was your intent, but that would be my reaction anyway.

-Deb


Edited 5/22/2003 9:27:58 AM ET by debbielys

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:56am
I think it depends on if she can't bf or won't bf. If she can't bf, then she might appreciate it. If she could bf, but won't, then it doesn't make sense that she would want your bm. But you could always ask in a really nice way. Maybe she might say yes!

Sherry (currently nursing my 28 month dd)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:24am
I dunno... I agree to some degree. If it's "won't" then I say she probably wouldn't want it - I agree there. But "can't" doesn't make it a given either. I "couldn't" BF and still would be annoyed (not the right word) if someone offered their BM. Not quite "offended," but not happy either. I think if you are offering someone BM, you probably know them pretty well and know how they are likely to react. If you are hesitating to ask a particular person, that should tell you something.

-Deb


Edited 5/22/2003 11:25:49 AM ET by debbielys

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:45am
Yeah. I don't even drink/eat after anyone and can't stand someone to say "take a drink of this" "take a bite of this" eeewwww!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:06pm
I would have loved it. I used to joke with a former neighbor, that if we had been in sync, she could have supplied me with her over abundance. It all depends on what your cousin has been exposed to and her reasons for formula feeding. I would think that someone who wanted to breast feed but couldn't (for whatever reason) would be more likely to accept your proposal. It also depends on how close you are with her. It is a very delicate subject. Maybe you could make an offside comment that you have so much supply you wish there was a place you to which you could donate it. That way, if she is at all receptive, she may say -"how about me?"

It seems we have/had the opposite problems. My ds's wanted 4-6 ounces (each feeding) after the first week and my body produced 1-3 ounces:)

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 5:59pm
I'm not sure- my first reaction was "yeah!", but then I thought about the "other person's bodily fluids" thing. It's a little gross! I think probably yes, but in my situation, I would have rather had someone else *nurse* my baby, so I could see if it worked better with someone else- of if an experienced mom could have gotten her to nurse!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 7:13pm
I think it would work both ways. If a new mother and baby are having trouble breastfeeding, I think that swapping the baby with another more experienced mother and baby- for one feeding, maybe two- could be beneficial for both the Mom and the baby. The new mother would be able to feel what its like for a successful latch (and maybe get things going better) and the experienced mom maybe be able to determine a problem with the new baby's latch or suck. Hey, it's worth a try.

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