Inappropriate places to BFIP??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Inappropriate places to BFIP??
1096
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 10:48am

Is there anywhere you feel it is completely inappropriate to nurse in public?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 3:42pm
Why don't you share with all of us what makes you "uncomfortable" about breastfeeding? Is it a sexual act because there's a (gasp) BREAST involved? If not, what is it that would make being in the presense of a nursing mother an "uncomfortable position"?

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 3:49pm
Don't you think your attitude about nursing may be *contributing* to negative/shameful attitudes about breastfeeding? IMO, it's people like you who have the expectation/demand that a nursing mother leave your presence (and the presence of your guests) to avoid becoming a social outcast that continues to propell the act of nurishing a child in the way nature/god intended to a level of something unacceptable and in need of being hidden.

IMO, it's one thing if a nursing mother CHOOSES to leave the room for the best interests of her child, because he/she does better in a quiet, dark room. It's an entirely different situation when she feels pressured to leave so as not to offend you and your "guests".

Again, what is it about nursing that makes you feel "uncomfortable", even if a blanket is descretely tossed over mom's shoulder?



I just don't get it.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 3:51pm
Smoking ENDANGERS the lives of those around the smokers. Second-hand smoke isn't healthy. Some people are allergic. Minimally, it can cause nasal, throat, and eye irritation in non-smokers. There is NO comparison to breastfeeding. None. -Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 3:56pm
ITA! I recall the comments of one website author who had the experience of someone offering her a blanket to cover up, and responded by suggesting the blanket would be put to better use if the offended person put it over their head...LOL. I do use a blanket most of the time outside my home, but it's tough because my son is constantly trying to pull it off. He doesn't want a stuffy blanket in his face/eyes...he wants to look at Momma! -Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:03pm
I think you underestimate the ability of people to read the emotions/attitudes of others. I don't doubt that the women in your circle of friends who nurse sense your (and perhap's others) aversion/discomfort/disgust, and continue to excuse themselves to seclusion and exclusion because they feel obligated to do so.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:25pm
I just wanted to mention that no distinction is being made here between discrete BFIP or brazen BFIP...but the poster is just really uncomfortable with a mother nursing in her presence, seemingly whether she has a blanket over her shoulder or not. As a nursing mother myself, I've been amazed at how little skin is visable even without the use of a blanket. I always lift my shirt rather than buttoning down, and between the fabric and my baby, very little skin is visable at all, and what little you might catch a glimpse of (again, even without a blanket), you're most likely to see my side exposed, right above my waist...except for maybe a second or two while I'm actually latching him on. So, we're not really talking about seeing "private parts"...I don't think anyone's suggesting that a woman strip off her top in public to nurse her child, leaving one breast entirely exposed while baby nurses on the other, LOL. And, with the use of a blanket virtually all skin is covered.

As far as looking at mom or baby, and feelings of akwardness, I can only speak for myself but I have no problem with people continuing to talk to me, making eye contact, etc. I don't personally have a problem with people admiring my baby while I'm nursing either, although I know that it can sometimes catch a person off-guard when they go to take a peak at baby, and don't realize he's nursing, LOL. See, it really can be done THAT descretely.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:39pm
Call me an extremist, but if there's a situation where you have person A. Who's got a hang-up with breastfeeding and is "uncomfortable" or offended by seeing a mother nursing her child and you have person B. Who has a hungry, fussy child in her arms and needs to feed him/her, but isn't comfortable being secluded from friends/family and left out of the visiting/socialization/discussion...I think person A. needs to just not look her way, or leave the room.

I also think the only way we can change attitudes toward nursing and desensitize and help people get more comfortable with seeing a woman feed her baby the way nature intended, comfort zones need to be challenged. I look forward to the day when a woman can feed her baby anytime, anyplace without feeling embarassed/uncomfortable/shameful, without anyone blushing, batting an eyelash, or banishing her to a public restroom or secluded bedroom.

JMO,

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:45pm
Applause! Great post, ITA completely. (nt)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 4:58pm
Now I think you are misinterpreting. I too, as a nursing mommy, believe that when people are so uncomfortable with/offended by with nursing as to banish a breastfeeding mother to another room or to abandon her and the discussion/conversation/visiting at the kitchen table...those comfort zones NEED to be challenged, because IMO those attitudes toward the most natural and healthy way of nurishing an infant are negative, hurtful, discouraging, and simply unacceptable. The definition of spite is, "petty ill will or hatred with the disposition to irritate, annoy, or thwart", and I certainly don't think BFIP activism is spiteful.

I was nursing my son at an all-women's Christian "mission", where my mother was staying while recovering from alcoholism a few weeks ago. I was in her room, and the door was open a crack. The woman in charge stopped by to talk to my mom, and looked me right in the eyes and asked if I needed a blanket. The feelings that rushed through me at that moment were irritation and discomfort. And this is a woman who breastfed ALL of HER children! It was rediculous. She wasn't just being "nice", her tone and attitude implied that I was doing something wrong/shameful, and yes, it shocked and offended me.

And yes, I do think it had a lot to do with the "repressed, midwestern attitudes". I come from the Northwest, and I can sit in a Starbucks and nurse my son with or without a blanket and not get any grief or stares from anyone about it. Perhaps I'm spoiled by the easy-going, laid-back attitudes in this part of the country...but I truly hope that someday women will be able to nurse comfortably anytime, anyplace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 5:07pm
No, but you have stated that you would banish a woman from your HOME by not inviting her back if she dared to challenge your comfort zone by nursing in your presence, knowing that one or more of you/your guests weren't comfortable with it. I bet that your breastfeeding "guests" can sense your discomfort/embarassment about seeing a woman nurse, and don't rock the boat because they fear just the reaction you've described. Nobody wants to be rejected. Nobody want's to be an outcast. Nobody wants to feel ashamed.

I'd challenge you to open up a dialogue with these women, and next time one of them gets up to leave the room to feed her child, you kindly and genuinely invite her to stay. Tell her that you're not bothered by her nursing in your presence, and that you don't want her to feel obligated to leave unless *she's* uncomfortable or thinks her baby will do better in a quieter environment. Reassure her that you view nursing as positive, healthy, and nothing to be embarassed about. See what happens.

-Jen

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