Inappropriate places to BFIP??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Inappropriate places to BFIP??
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Tue, 02-17-2004 - 10:48am

Is there anywhere you feel it is completely inappropriate to nurse in public?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 5:23pm
I don't normally attend church, but when I was visiting relatives in Illinois about a couple of weeks ago, I breastfed during the service, sitting in the pew next to my mother and my aunt and uncle. I used a blanket to cover us, but would never in a million years nurse my baby in a bathroom to avoid BFIP, at church or not. I certainly wouldn't eat MY lunch around toilets, listening to (not to mention smelling) peeing, farting, flushing, etc...Why should my baby? I'm not trying to be judgemental, it just makes me sad to think that your don't feel comfortable nursing around other church-members, and that your church doesn't offer/provide a cleaner, more appropriate place to nurse for those mothers who aren't comfortable doing so in public. I know shortly before the service ended at the church I visited a few weeks ago, I left to change my son's diaper, and discovered the women's bathroom didn't have a changing station! I was very surprised, because it's a huge church---can hold up to 3.000 people. I walked out, and ended up changing him on the floor of the coat-room. Later, I discovered they had a beautiful "Mother's Room" around the corner from the information booth/desk. It was nicely decorated and carpeted, with two full-size couches, a rocking chair, a changing table, and a TV to watch/listen to the service. It was awesome! I would still have nursed my baby during the service, in the sanctuary, even if I had known about this room...but it was a really nice feature for changing babies, and for women with fussy babies/young children, or even just those that were most comfortable nursing in a quieter, less public place.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 5:40pm
If I were visiting with family/friends, and someone (male or female) said, "I'd really appreciate if you could feed the baby in the other room..." I would personally find the request rude/selfish. If you don't want to see me nursing (likely very discretely) for heaven's sake don't look...but don't be so selfish as to banish a nursing mother and her baby to another room just because it makes you a little bit uncomfortable. I'd probably respond assertively by saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but my baby needs to eat and I don't like to be excluded because my baby nurses, and being secluded in a back bedroom while everyone else carries on talking and visiting makes me feel left out." If someone's bold enough to ask me to leave the room because of how they feel, I don't see anything wrong with letting them know how their (IMO selfish and unreasonable) "request" makes me feel. If they really wanted to push the issue, I'd probably opt to leave rather than banished to another room, feeling embarassed/ashamed of breastfeeding.

Of course, that's just me. And, I've become a lot bolder about BFIP as my son gets older and I've become more comfortable and skilled at BFIP proudly and discretely.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 5:53pm
But doesn't it work both ways? I agree, intentionally making a person uncomfortable isn't nice.

However, a woman who BFIP/nurses in the presence of others and doesn't excuse herself to nurse privately is motivated first and foremost by meeting her child's needs for nurishment, and secondly by not missing out on visiting with friends/family.

A person who requests she leaves the room to nurse her child is motivated soley by their own discomfort (in complete disregard for her feelings of being singled out, embarassed, and sent away from the group), which IMO is a lot more rude/selfish.

Common courtesy IMO would be to put your own temporary discomfort aside and keep your mouth shut, and let her nurse without interferrence or incident.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 6:01pm
If being asked or expected to leave the room makes the BFer feel left out, exclused, embarassed, ashamed, singled out, etc...and being in her presence while nursing makes someone else feel "uncomfortable"...Why is it the BFer that needs to leave? The person who's uncomfortable is fully able to look away. And, as many have stated, BFing can be done very discretely, showing very little flesh at all, especially when a blanket is used, but even when it's not. It seems to me that asking a woman to leave just creates one more uncomfortable situation and one more potentially upset/hurt/offended person. Why is that acceptable?

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 6:08pm
If the woman felt that nursing was something that required privacy, she probably wouldn't begin nursing her child in the presence of you or anyone else, would she? So, there's really no need for you to leave out of "respect". If I started nursing in front of a friend, and they got up and said, "I'll just leave you two alone."...my feelings would be hurt. I don't see that as respectful at all. I think it shows obvious discomfort on the part of the person leaving, and may even imply disapproval or that the person is doing something too intimate in the presence of others...like masturbating in public or something. It would make me feel like I'd offended my friend, and I'd feel badly sitting there, nursing alone, instead of continuing with our visit.

Anyway, that's just me.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 6:16pm
I agree that these are special moments, but just like you have plenty of opportunities to bond with your child through your feeding choice in private, alone together cuddling in a dark room...so do breastfeeding moms. And, just like giving your baby a bottle in public or around friends/family is acceptable and not something too private/intimate to be seen by others...neither is BFing, unless the mother wants it to be that way.

I guess I just don't get it. If you admit that you bond with your baby through bottlefeeding in a similar way that a breastfeeding mother does and that you can and do bottlefeed around others in public/social situations...but that you would leave the room if a woman breastfed in your presence out of "respect". If she doesn't feel the need to leave the room to nurse privately, why should you leave the room supposedly for her benefit?

*confused*

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 6:22pm
Applause! Awesome post, and I'm in 100% agreement. nt
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 6:29pm
"It has everything to do with the fact that people ARE uncomfortable with what is considered something very personal & private btw mother & baby to be done in front of them."

If a breastfeeding mother felt that way, she wouldn't nurse in front of you or anyone else...would she? So, if she begins nursing in front of you or your "guests", it's probably safe to assume that SHE doesn't feel that way, or she would have taken the initiative to nurse more privately, right?

So...if YOU are asking her to leave, or leaving her to nurse alone, it's because of how YOU feel and what YOU think. And, you'd be doing so in disregard for her beliefs and feelings. And, that's where the "self-absorbed" description enters the equation.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 6:40pm
I can totally understand why FF would be far more "convenient" if you were completely opposed to nursing in public. But, for a mommy like me who sees it as the healthiest option for her baby and isn't the least bit ashamed of nursing (in public or private), I think it's far more convenient than bottlefeeding. I don't have to buy formula, I don't have to measure, mix, warm, clean, sterilize, etc bottles or nipples. It's one less thing to pack into the diaper-bag. All I need is a light blanket to toss over my shoulder, which I'd have with me anyway. Simple, natural, easy.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 6:44pm
]

You and me both, LOL!

She mimics bf'ing (i.e. holding close, bonding, etc.), so that bottlefeeding is as special as bf'ing. But yet bf'ing is so special it should be done in private. But you don't have to bottlefeed in private. Yet bottlefeeding is as special a bond as bf'ing, except not so special you have to do it in private. And round and round we go!

Sherry

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