Inappropriate places to BFIP??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Inappropriate places to BFIP??
1096
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 10:48am

Is there anywhere you feel it is completely inappropriate to nurse in public?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:22pm
I have to admit, it is hard to imagine not nursing. Especially since my dd is 3 and still nursing, LOL!

I have conflicting feelings on the bonding issue. I do believe that the mechanics of bf'ing do encourage more skin to skin contact and more holding. And it does encourage more holding by mom. And the "bonding" hormones of bf'ing are another physical aspect of bf'ing that would be hard to duplicate. Although, I believe someone posted an article saying that the act of holding your baby does produce hormones in the mother. I don't believe it is at the same level as nursing though.

But there was a very real chance that I might not have succeeded at bf'ing (I have implants and nerve damage). I would hate to think that if I had failed at bf'ing, after really trying, that it would lessen my bond with my dd. I do believe that bf'ing made it easier for me (speaking for myself only) to bond with dd as I was "forced" to hold her. I am the type that likes to get things done (some of my friends think I'm compulsively neat, LOL!) and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have held her as much with bottlefeeding. However, since bonding with my dd is important to me, and if I hadn't successfully bf'ed her, I do believe I would have learned other ways to bond with her. I just think bf'ing made it easier, as I didn't have to think about it.

I have read on these boards that many ff'ers hold their baby for most feedings, some post that they hold them for all feedings. I find this very encouraging. From what I see IRL, bottlefed babies are not held as much as bf'ed babies. Of course, this is only in public. I'm not sure what they do at home. But when you see it IRL so often, it does get discouraging.

I have read posts from mothers who have ff'ed one baby and then bf'ed the next. Some say there is no difference in bonding, some say there is. And bonding is so subjective. I may be more bonded with dd because of bf'ing, but there may be a ff'er who is more open emotionally than I am that is bonded better with her child because of her emotional makeup, where I am more reserved.

As I said before I'm conflicted on the whole subject. I truly believe that it has enhanced my bonding with my dd. But on the other hand, I'd hate to think that a mother who couldn't bf'ed is doomed to a lesser bond with her child. I think bf'ing is one of nature's ways of helping the bonding along, but it isn't an absolute.

Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:28pm
Oh, and I can see you have plenty of time on your hands! 500 + posts!

From what I can see on this view of going to another room to nurse, it's because nursing is thought of as being indecent. The poster in this thread said all her friends went to another room because it was something private. However, if the act of bf'ing is no more special than the act of bottlefeeding, then why should it be private? You would only want it to be private if you thought it was indecent. She denied that she thought there was anything wrong with bf'ing, but it just doesn't make sense.

Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:48pm
<<>>

Oooh, a statistic...What's your source? I've known many moms who bottle feed, and I see their babies fed in all sorts of positions, not just the cradle position. I see them fed while sitting on laps or in carseats, etc. And I have NEVER seen any friend of mine feed a baby from a bottle with any significant skin-to-skin contact. Compared to breastfeeding, it seems very sterile to me. JMO.

<<>>

Great, name-calling. What I said had nothing to do with being egotistical. My point was simply that a nursing mom is the only one who can feed baby, and that often amounts to more 1:1 time spent together. More time spent together can increase bonding.

<<>>

IMO, your defensiveness speaks volumes.

When I chose to nurse my son, I did consider which feeding choice would be superior not just nutritionally, but for bonding as well and came to the conclusion that nursing provides mom and baby with far more intimate, skin-to-skin, 1:1 bonding time.

It's intimate, because the act of nursing requires very close contact with baby against you. It cannot be done from arms-length away. It cannot (easily) be done with baby in a carseat, or high-chair.

Breastfeeding always provides warm, tactile, skin-to-skin contact, which creates a closeness I can't imagine bottle-feeding coming close to.

Breastfeeding is 1:1, mom and baby time. Unlike bottle-feeding, nobody else can provide baby's nurishment. That's not being egotistical, that's being honest. You also can't give baby a breast to hold themself once they have the ability to hold and grip objects well, as you can (and many mothers do) with a bottle. I've seen many babies feeding themselves bottles. I haven't ever seen a baby breastfeed while in another person's arms, in a room or building seperate from mom, etc.

It is sort of silly to me that some people think that the amount of time a child spends 1:1 with mom, skin-to-skin close doesn't have an impact on bonding.

I don't think recognizing the intimate nature of nursing that brings mom and baby together cuddling close, skin-to-skin for hours each day compared to bottle-feeding that can be done arms-length away, or with various proping devices, even farther than that...and can be done by any person (not just mom), even the baby his/herself when they reach an age where they can hold a bottle themselves means I'm "egotistical", that I have a need to "validate" my "importance and self-worth as a mother", or that I have problems with "self-esteem".

<<>>

I wasn't attacking anyone, and you certainly shouldn't be taking my post so personally. You've been very defensive, called me names, and suggested I have "issues" because I believe that generally, breastfeeding provides superior bonding between babies and moms. If being so venomous toward me makes *you* feel better about yourself and your feeding choice, have at it. But IMO your defensiveness speaks volumes.



-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:54pm
Hmm...have you ever tried to nurse a child without having them against you, with their skin touching your own? Certainly it's not the "ONLY" time a nursing mother can snuggle close to baby, and it's possible for FF moms to snuggle with their babies without breastfeeding.

But, be honest with me: As a bottle-feeder, during the day, how many hours do you and your baby spend skin-to-skin, cuddled against eachother? How many hours each day does your baby spend stroking your skin while you hold him/her?

I would say that my almost-5-mo-old baby and I spend at least 6 full hours out of every 24 hour period skin-to-skin in a nursing position.

-Jen

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:03am
So I did not bond with my oldest 2 like I did my last 2? My first 2 were bottlefed mainly. I am just as bonded with them as my last 2 who I have nursed past 2 yrs. Bonding does not equal food. There are many other ways to bond.

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Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:04am
You do not need to be skin to skin with a baby to bond with them!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:08am
As I said in one of my other posts, it's hard to imagine the closeness required for breastfeeding not having a significant impact on bonding. Yes, there are the hormones and those hormones may be, in some amount, released when you hold your baby. But, I don't believe it's the same or to the same degree as what happens when baby suckles. My son is still BF exclusively, with no solids introduced yet...He'll be 5 months old early this next month, and I'd estimate we spend at least 1/4 (6 hours) of every day cuddled skin-to-skin in a nursing position. How could time spent that intimately with baby not impact bonding? And do FFers spend even close to that amount of time *that* close to their baby, generally? I very seriously doubt it. One of my friend's son's just turned one. She loves her child dearly, and they've bonded well. But her son's been holding his own bottle for months, and I haven't seen her bottle-feed him in the cradle hold since he was very small. I've also seen her prop bottles many times, especially in the carseat, using a rolled-up blanket. He also uses a pacifier. It's not that I don't think FF moms bond with their babies, but I do think the bond is *different* when a baby is breastfeed. Recently, I've seen quite a few different types of bottle-proping devices on the market, so a baby can be bottle-fed from a distance, or perhaps even in a different room than mom. The Podee is just one of many examples. Ever try to breastfeed from a distance? Ouch. :-)

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:10am
ITA, and I think you make an excellent point. -Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:28am
I have never, anywhere, in any post stated that bottle-feeding moms don't bond with their children. However, I do believe that BF is more conducive to bonding, and that the bond between a nursing mother and child is *different*.

I cannot imagine being nearly as close to my son if we didn't spend 1/4 of everyday snuggled skin-to-skin in a nursing position for these precious months. When my son nurses, it's for nurisment but it's also for comfort. I know a lot of women complain about feeling like a "human pacifier", but I'm glad I'm able to provide him with that through my own body.

You said that bonding isn't just about food. I agree. But nursing isn't just about food, either.

-Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:32am
LOL, of course not...but it provides a closeness that nothing compares to. Bottle-feeding moms can spend time with their children skin-to-skin too, and I think they should. :-)

Again, I've never said that if you feed your baby with a bottle you "will not bond". What I'm saying is that BF is more conducive to bonding between mothers and babies, and that the bond it creates is *different*.

-Jen

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