Is it just bfers who

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Is it just bfers who
378
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 12:40am

Try and convince mothers on how to feed their child? Or do some ffers also use guilt to try and get a mother to not nurse? I will fully admit that some bfers (especially the LLL) will try and use guilt to get a mother to nurse. But has anyone here run across a ffer that tried the same thing? I was talking to my mother and asked her if she remembered why she choose to ff my sister. She said she wasn't sure and she said something like she took the easy way. I do not think ffing is easy and told her that. Now what shocked me is my mother had thought about nursing me and was going to but someone in my fathers family scared her about it so I was ff. I think that is sad that she wanted to nurse and was scared off of doing so.


All I have read the last few days is how staunch bfers will do anything to get their point across and guilt someone into nursing and the bad info that is given out about nursing. So I thought I would ask a few questions about ffers. Like have you run across ffers that try and get you to stop nursing for bfers.? Or try and talk you out of it when your pregnant? And for both sides what kind of bad advice have you received about bottle feeding?


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For me I was told it was ok to give a bottle shortly after birth before my babies even had a chance to nurse. I was told it wouldn't hurt them. I was also told bottle feeding is easy. But you have to wash and sterilize bottles (unless you have a dishwasher) all day long. I know you do with nursing if your baby will take a bottle but with bottle feeding all the time you have a lot more bottles to wash. Even using disposable bottles you have the nipples and rings to clean. Then there is preparing formula. When you go out anywhere there is worrying about making sure you have formula made up or the stuff to make up bottles. To me nursing once it is started is a lot easier. I was told by the health department I should carry a bottle with me when out instead of nursing my baby, now maybe that is just because I asked for a semi private spot to nurse since I wasn't 100% comfortable with nip, but I still think it was the wrong thing to tell me.


But I have heard things like how do you know s/he is getting enough? With formula you always know how much goes in. But she just nursed 2 hours ago if you were using formula she would go longer between feedings. Nursing is gross I could never do that. You nursed for how long? With formal feeding you can leave her with someone and get away for a few hours (they didn't meet my DS who was ff, lol).


I have no problem with either feeding method. What I have a problem with is the label staunch bfer. I am 100% for bfing but do understand it isn't always the right choice and do not consider myself a staunch bfer. But I haven't seen staunch ffer mentioned on this board and they do exit too. Maybe they are rare but they are out there and are just as annoying as a staunch bfer is. I have also seen how bad bfing advice is handed out but there is bad ffing advice too.


I just feel like breastfeeding is being attacked and I want to even it out if I can some. I'll be the first to admit I may be caught up to much in the debates here right now so it may only be me seeing bfing being attacked so humor me please


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Avatar for yogamom4
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 12:50am
i have never came across a *staunch* i don't know how its spelled either ,, formula feeder,,,

i am really pro breastfeeding,, i have never thought otherwise,, i have people on my inlaw side that have never breastfed and some that only have for the first few mths,, my mom drank breastmilk till she was 6 or 7 ** out of a cup** i was formula fed,,, she fed me the ready made stuff,, she told me she thought it was better than breastmilk,,do they still sell the premade stuff??? but i would never try and talk someone out of their choice,, i would tell them my opinion of what i would choose,,, but not make them feel like crap for what they chose,,

yoga

Vicky ~32~

SAHM  To

Kelsey The Brainiac

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 6:59am

I have come across more militant bf'ers in my life then I have militant ff'ers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 8:00am
The only negative comment I ever got from a person who ff was that "breastfeeding is barbaric". I just shrugged and said "Well, then I'm a barbarian".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 8:18am

Although I can't "really" know how a bf'er feels when negative comments are sent her way, I can say that I "sorta" understand.


We were away on vaca this summer at an amusement park and the sun was shining in

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 9:02am
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Same with me. And unfortunately when caught off guard by a perfect stranger the debater in me draws a blank ;) I would think of exactly what to say to them AFTER the fact! Here is one example that probably pissed me off the most: DH and I were in Babies R Us about 3 weeks before the due date of my first son. We run into another couple from our Lamaze class. We chit chat, I say something to the effect of how we're picking up last minute things for baby. She looks in my cart and sees *GASP* bottles. She says point blank with a tone of indignance, "Can I ask WHY you aren't BREASTFEEDING?"

I was so caught off guard I didn't know what to say. I mumbled something about it not being right for me. But after the intital shock I was FUMING. Here, a woman who had not yet BF a day in her life and she's questioning my choice as if she had a say in how I choose to feed my baby!

Anyway there were several similar incidences to follow. But back to the original question,

I totally see that the discrimination goes both ways. I have a confession to make, the BF'rs on this board have made me more aware of the fact that BF'rs do get discriminated and judged as well. I guess I hadn't thought much about it before and assumed only FF got the finger wavings. But now that I think about it, I have witnessed judgements and comments to Bf'rs, for example when BF'ing was not going smooothly for whatever reason BF'rs are pressured to just switch to formula. Or a BFing baby that's colicky being told "It's that BM that's making her fussy. She'd do much better on formula". Most of the judging that I've witnessed has been from my parents generation (as another poster brought up) though I have witnessed it amongst my peers as well.

That being said, I strongly believe that BF'rs are much more vocal and outspoken about their disaproval for FF than vice-versa.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 9:20am
My MIL has always HATED the fact that I breastfed my kids. She would fall out of her chair if she knew I nursed them all for two years but we adopted the "don't ask, don't tell"policy. Over time I learned to ignore her comments like"Are you giving her real food yet?"(from about 3 weeks on...ugh!!!! She came from a strictly bottlefeeding generation with all the bf stereotypes like "only poor women choose to breastfeed," or "you will make your child too dependent," that's one of my personal favs;) I know she thinks of the breasts as sex objects rather than functional ones as well and that feeds into her discomfort. At first I would get offended but over time I learned to laugh it off because I am confident in the choices that I have made for my kids, that and I do ADORE my mil.

With my first two births, the hospital encouraged ff so "I could rest" and pacifier use. With the birth of my last two girls they knew better, I had a two paged birth plan that was loud and clear on those subjects, I haven't really experienced too many problems with public nursing, one probably because I was very discrete and two I never paid attention to the stares of passerbyers(is that a word?lol!) Also I am the type that if anyone said anything, they would get a reply, if you know what I mean. Well that's my more than 2 cents;)~Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 10:00am

I agree with you about the board opening my eyes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 10:07am
how would a formula feeder get a woman to ff? What sort of persuasive arguments couold she use? Why would she bother? For a love of "second best", for a "hatred of breasts"?

Also, the guilt you mention bothers me. I don't think someone can "guilt" someone into bf'ing. Guilt is an emotion/feeling that the person herself brings up in herself for her own reasons. Here is a great quote on guilt as it relates to not breastfeeding...

"Women should not feel guilty if they are unable to breastfeed, but they *should* feel guilty if they are unwilling to do so, and they should be intellectually honest enough to know the difference." -Elizabeth Gene

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 10:26am
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Taken right off of the "Militant Breastfeeding Cult" website. Here's the home page folks, see for yourself : http://www.militantbreastfeedingcult.com/index_a.html

When someone uses the words 'Militant' and 'Cult' to describe thier views I immediately know there is no point in debating with them as they are too extreme and radical in their views to ever open their minds to someone elses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 10:26am
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i honestly think this is a function of the board. i would NEVER say any of things I say here to someone who was FF-ing.

and, i've actually, NEVER heard someone in public make a horrible comment to a woman who was ff-ing...though, i've seen it with bf. of course, i know it happens, i've just not seen it. in most areas of the country ff is the norm (i wish i has stats on this regionally -- i'd be curious -- but that's another topic to bring up later).

otherwise, i'm in a playgroup with a woman who is ff-ing her second (she bf'd her first and was the brunt of some horrible comments). anyway, the 2nd baby is doing horrible on formula...he's been on about 6 formulas and now she's spending major $$$ on nutramigen, she struggling to lug around bottles while chasing her 2 year old and carrying an infant seat. the whole thing bugs me. she's even been encouraged by the pediatrician to re-latate. i find it sad. if not for a bunch of people saying horrible things to her when she bf-d the first one, she might be bf-ing this one. sure, maybe he'd still have issues, but at least the diaper bag would be lighter, the dishwasher less empty and it would be cheaper. its hard enough to take care of 2 babies.

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