Judgement-Free Breastfeeding

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Judgement-Free Breastfeeding
17
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 3:09pm

Do you think this will make a difference? Will you be signing the pledge? Will you display the badge?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 1:58am

I'd be happy to sign it.....as long as judgement free FF is also happens.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 9:53am
true.blue.strine wrote:

I'd be happy to sign it.....as long as judgement free FF is also happens.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 10:20am
witch_power wrote:

Take the pledge to agree to stand together for breastfeeding success and to support all mamas who desire to breastfeed, no matter what technique, position, frequency, equipment, duration or organization she chooses.

I won't be signing the pledge - I would agree to stand together for breastfeeding success, and to support all moms in their breastfeeding efforts.

But I think that the technique, position, frequency, equipment, duration or organization does matter. I don't care how an individual mom feeds, if it works for her baby, that's great! And I am not going to confront anyone about their feeding method.

But while I will respect the right for a mother to make the choice, it does not mean I have to or am willing to support that choice. If baby is not thriving - I can't agree with your choice. It is still yours to make - and unless you were my sister or best friend I probably wouldn't say anything unless you asked. But no, I can't support that by telling you it's a great choice just because you made it.

Community Leader
Registered: 06-10-2008
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:40pm
I agree with this only to a certain extent. I can help support moms 99% of the time. However, I have a hard time supporting breastfeeding moms who choose techniques, frequencies, etc. that I know from my education are a bad idea. Does this mean I need to support the breastfeeding mom who wants to put baby on a rigid schedule, does CIO from a young age and refuses to listen to tips that would make nursing more pleasant for both mom and baby?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 1:18pm
I'll have to agree with Catherine that I can't really see myself signing the pledge either for the same reasons she states. I too believe that "the technique, position, frequency, equipment, duration or organization does matter". While I also respect other mothers right to make choice with regard to BF'ing/FF'ing that I may not agree with, I am not going to support decisions I agree with though I will accept it's their right to make said decision. For example, If a mother decides that their is no benefit to BF'ing beyond a few say the first few months then I would have to respectfully disagree with that though I would still accept her right to wean at two months under that false belief.

I agree with other parts of the pledge regarding BF support and not confronting mothers who choose to either BF in a manner different then me or not BF at all, except in certain legitimate circumstances such as a debate board or if a mom asks my opinion on the subject.

I do have to part ways with you Catherine on one small part. If a baby was not thriving due to poor feeding choices or poor technique then I think don't think it really the mothers choice to make. We have child neglect laws that cover cases where a mother's babies has serious nutritional issues due to actions (or inaction) of the mother and these mothers can have their babies removed from them if they don't properly feed them. There was a couple of murder cases over the last decade where some vegan parent's choose to feed their kids some sort of homemade concoction as a substitute for formula and their baby ended up dying due to malnutrition and they where charge with a crime. There are circumstances where if I saw a baby who seriously not thriving and I know the mother then I might make an anonymous report to authorities before something horrible happens to the baby. Now that does mean I think that every instance of a baby sucking down a bottle filled with Kool-Aid would justify me calling CPS on them, only cases where it's clear the baby's life might be at risk.

Like I have said before on this board, not every parenting choice we make is a always going to be a great one and the fact that it's our own choice does not automatically male it the right choice for our family. Expecting others to fully support any parenting choice you make even when they don't agree with it assumes that all choices are harmless and will always work out better for the mother's family when sometimes that turns out to not be the cases. We can't always judge accurately how a particulate parenting choice will work out for family ahead of time and sometimes we discover after the fact it was the wrong choice. This can be especially true if the decision was made without being fully informed. You can't really make a proper decision on what's best for you and your baby if your not fully informed on all the choices.

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 2:02pm
charleen2008 wrote:

I do have to part ways with you Catherine on one small part. If a baby was not thriving due to poor feeding choices or poor technique then I think don't think it really the mothers choice to make.


Oops! Thanks for pointing that out! LOL

No, if a baby was clearly suffering I would not stand by and say nothing.

I guess I was thinking that I don't know the full story unless it is my sister or best friend (and even then not always). I was thinking that I was not going to go up to a stranger and tell them that their baby is not thriving, that is not my place to say.

It brings to mind a story I have mention several times before on this board, where a first time mom felt her 3w old baby was not thriving on formula or breast milk, so she switched the baby to rice milk and applesauce, nothing else. A few moms in her support forum told her that this was not a good idea, and she should speak to her dr. She came back to say that in fact it was her drs suggestion, and her baby was fine.

Then most of the other posters jumped in to say that she was a first time mom, and that she was simply doing the best she could and they had no right to force their opinion on her. That her baby would be just fine and to back off.

I always think of him, and wonder how he is doing. Considering that my son lived basically on sugar water for 3 months due to his allergies and survived, it is possible that he is fine. Looking back though, I do wish I had gotten some better advice and not put him at risk that way. Would I have listened? Who knows?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 6:17pm

>>The blogger saw it as judging her mothering abilities, I see it as someone who cares about how a baby feels. If we are never allowed to say anything helpful for fear of making a mom feel judged - the babies will suffer and no wisdom will be passed on to the next generation.<<

I can see where both you and the blogger are coming from.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 6:42pm
true.blue.strine wrote:

>>I wonder how the advice was given to the blogger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 4:50am

It is amazing how total strangers can accost you though. I still recall when my daughter was quite young, and I was playing with her in a public park. My daughter's name is Rosaria.

I was accosted by a total stranger who said to me that she coyuld not believe that I would have given my daughter that name.

I think that she had actually mis-heard me saying my daughter's name, and had thought I said 'Azaria'. That was the name of a baby girl that had disappeared on a family camping trip several years earlier. The parents had said a dingo grabbed her from the tent, but the mother was tried for murder and jailed for some years. Later evidence - the baby jacket was found obviously torn by an animal, and more recent cases where dingoes had attaked children, were eventually used and she was let out of jail.

I did find it strange that she would have accosted me and spoken the way she did. I just carefully asked 'What do you think is wrong with the name Rosaria?' with a very significant emphasis on Rose as the first syllable.

Teresa

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 9:20am

I remember that story, it left a stong impression on me. I was so relieved to hear that they had let her out of jail, but I can't imagine how awful it must have been for her to lose a child and then charged with her murder.

People can be so rude and awful - I have a friend whose daughter has a birth defect that she has one extremely short arm and tiny hand. My friend always had a sweater on the baby and left the sleeve dangling off to cover her hand. My own sister commented often (to me) about how she should not hide it, as if she was ashamed. I told my sister that she was not ashamed but protecting the baby.

One day when my friend and I were out, this woman approached us and started hitting the baby, screaming that she should not bring her out in public, that she was evil! Maybe the woman was just crazy, but people do say and do cruel things to children.

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