Judging

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Judging
820
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 9:10am

Judging other people is a fairly common human behavior. We assess and compare ourselves to others all the time. Why is it that when breastfeeders are accused of judging, it is perceived as some sort of evil behavior?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 11:30am

"My point was just about the confusion that can occur when a new poster gets the totally wrong impression."


I hadn't really thought about how by not responding, others might think I (or others) agreed. It is certainly something to keep in mind. Since I don't naturally assume that everyone agrees with a strong poster, I didn't think about those that might think that way.


However, there are also times that a new poster comes on and says all the BFers (or regulars, or the whole board,etc) are all like this or that - and I know I am not like that at all.


And I wonder, at the time - should I stand up and say, "I am not like that" - and get drawn into the fight? Sometimes I have tried, but I don't think I come across strong enough to make a real difference when things get heated on the board.





No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...



~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 11:31am
Yup, that is upon talking with you and such, but just seeing you it is actually 12 seconds, scanning your overall appearance head to toe.



That makes sense that there is an initial visual judgement and then another stage after talking to the person. Since this is on-topic in a thread about judging, I'm going to say it can be bad or sometimes it's just human nature.



An example of bad: seeing a man of another race and assuming he is a criminal or uneducated, talking to him and continuing to have a negative view of him based on your own negative beliefs and bias, refusing to give him any benefit of the doubt, keeping a closed mind.



An example of not so bad or good: walking into a doctors office and within seconds concluding he is too young to know enough to help you, but giving him the benefit of the doubt and after a while talking to him realizing he really does appear qualified.



Judgements can be good you know :)

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 11:31am
date:

Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 11:40am
**
Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 11:45am

I absolutely think when a new poster makes a blatant mischaracterization it's okay to correct them. A misunderstanding has occurred by some posters using "we" and "us" and even if it's not corrected at the time it can certainly be corrected later. I think most of the time those types of comments from a new poster are *not* missed. Sometimes I won't comment on those because I see 10 other people already corrected them and I have nothing to add to what has already been said. But yes, I have no problem with new posters being corrected in general.

My point in bringing it all up was not to say anyone was wrong for how they are or have responded in the past, only to give food for thought and share my perspective. Since that's what this thread is about.

I do think you come across strong in a debate Catherine, whether it's heated or not. Strong in a positive, calming sort of way (even if I do occasionally disagree with your argument).

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 11:47am

***Then again, there will always be the insecure types that see a confident, goodlooking, well dressed and coifed woman walk into the room and right away they think the B-word about her or something , instead of thinking 'wow!, she looks great!'***


For instance, I *usually* get negative reactions from women and some men when I walk into a room. I'm almost 6 feet tall and with heels I'm 6'2 and 9 times outta 10 i find out from the people later that they thought I was some sorta ball buster upon walking in because Of my height and big curly long hair ( which I recently cut all off) And if i arrive on my motorcycle I'm immediatley some sorta *biker chick* whatever THAT is?


Once people start talking to me they see I'm warm and kind and genuine and one of the boys and one of the girls too.

Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 11:56am

" I did clarify that to harmony after I caught it."

I saw that.

Thank you for clarifying. It does make more sense with the new info.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:00pm

"I think most of the time those types of comments from a new poster are *not* missed. Sometimes I won't comment on those because I see 10 other people already corrected them and I have nothing to add to what has already been said"


True - most of the time there is no need for me to stand up then. But although I can't recall exactly what or when - I do remember there being times something has been said about the board as a whole, and nothing was said,



~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:03pm

"I hadn't really thought about how by not responding, others might think I (or others) agreed. It is certainly something to keep in mind. Since I don't naturally assume that everyone agrees with a strong poster, I didn't think about those that might think that way."


It's interesting when the claim is made that 'we're not a Borg' or we all think for ourselves but then later someone says 'we' and 'us' or 'our board' as if there IS in fact a collective or group think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:04pm

Yep. When I walk into a room people automatically think I am the babysitter or one of the kids. I am 5'0" and petite, with curly messy hair and usually dressed casually and a high pitched voice. I have had several comments from people thinking I am OSS's sister. Dh and I joke about me being the trophy wife because it looks like there is a much bigger age difference than there really is. When I was working this was a problem of credibility. People would think I was not knowledgeable or capable because I looked young. I had to speak in order to overcome that initial impression, once people get to know me it's usually not a problem. But you do need that person to give you the benefit of the doubt first.

If I'm being mistaken for a teenager age age 38 yo, imagine what it was like when I was a teen and in my early 20s. I waited tables and had a little girl ask me if I was a little kid like her. I delivered pizzas and had people ask me if I rode my bike there. I worked behind a counter and was asked about child labor laws. I even got carded to see a PG movie once, I think I was 21. :P People will say there are worse problems and they are right, but it can be a problem when you want the respect and credibility that should come with age, and you know you've got a big hurdle to overcome from your appearance.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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