Judging

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Judging
820
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 9:10am

Judging other people is a fairly common human behavior. We assess and compare ourselves to others all the time. Why is it that when breastfeeders are accused of judging, it is perceived as some sort of evil behavior?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:13pm
LOL very true.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:35pm

My father is VERY youthful-looking. He is almost 59 but looks about 40. My whole life, people have mistaken him for being my older brother (I also look a lot like him, and am generally assumed to be younger than I really am as well). He would pick me up from a friend's house or a birthday party, and the parents would say, "Jenny, your brother is here to get you!", or he'd come to a school function and my girlfriends would be giggling, telling me how "cute" he was. When I got to be a teenager, people began mistaking us for a couple, which got pretty embarrassing sometimes. We once spent the day with some distant relative who hadn't seen him since he was a child, and when they introduced themselves to me, they said, "Oh, you must be his wife!"; meanwhile, my poor mom was standing there, getting annoyed with them. She is a few years younger than him, but looks like she is older than he is, to a lot of people.

The funniest episode of people thinking he was much younger than he really was happened when I went to a summer camp/eduation program in high school. They had a family day and my parents came up. The guy who led the camp group was around 30, and very into music and knowledgeable about rock history and so forth. He and my dad got to talking, and really hit it off because my dad is into the music stuff too (he was at Woodstock, at the age of 19). After my parents were gone, the camp guy said to me, "Wow, your dad must have been, like, 13 when you were born. What was it like having such a young father?" LOL, he was actually 28 when I was born. The camp guy didn't believe me when I told him, though!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:43pm

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I believe Catherine was asking whether or not she was obligated to correct them, not whether or not she should be allowed to do so. In the context of a discussion about people not responding to correct the inaccuracies of regular posters, that certainly makes more sense. Catherine, feel free to correct me.

Personally, I think that I have no obligations to correct someone or not correct them. In fact, the only people who have the obligation *to* post *anything* are the CL's.

I suppose you're right, that a new poster could see someone correcting their inaccuracies but not the inaccuracies of a regular poster who generally agrees with them and think, 'Why won't she criticize them, too?' I suppose it could feel like a conspiracy but it's probably more like human nature. There are many regulars here with whom I am mostly ideologically defined. If one of them is being criticized, I might defend them or not, depending on how I feel and how much time I have at the moment. And I might get into arguments with them, and I often do (over the subjects of cow's milk and Vitamin D are the most recent ones). I tend to post less if I wake up in the morning and discover a new thread with 150 posts already.

For me, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect (or least hope) the new poster to take a moment and see what it's actually like here before making grand generalizations about what it is like here. I lurked here for a few weeks before I started posting, and I read a fair bit at that point. Maybe some people just jump in and that's their nature- I certainly was that way when I was new to posting to bulletin boards about twelve years ago. But that doesn't mean that such an approach is always appropriate, and you better believe I got a response similar to what you see here when I came in with guns blazing.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:47pm

"It's interesting when the claim is made that 'we're not a Borg' or we all think for ourselves but then later someone says 'we' and 'us' or 'our board' as if there IS in fact a collective or group think."


I know it happens, but that person who says it, is still really only speaking for herself no matter how it might sound. No one person has the authority to speak for the board as a whole.


I can't speak for others, but if someone posts that "we" or "us" or "the board" - they are not speaking for me. I might agree, I might not - but I am not part of any group think or collective. I have my own opinions and thoughts - and they do not always agree with what is posted.





No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...



~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:49pm

If I hear one more person say that I'll be glad of this problem when I'm 40, I am going to scream. The worst, I think, was when I was considered by people to be a child member of the 5th-grade Girl Scout troop I led. Yikes!

I'm not short, but I have long, curly hair and a young face. I try to balance it out by emphasizing the fact that my voice is a little lower than most women's, and I have a firm handshake. I hate it when people shake your hand like a dead fish.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 12:59pm
Well said, and that would be a great way to explain it to new posters when they come here although we might need it to be in bold, red, underlined and large font so the message isn't lost.



Perceived agreement is the unintended consequence of silence.



Do not assume you know what the silent majority is thinking.



How are those messages? I think it's applicable to all sorts of settings, not just this board. It speaks to both sides. If you disagree, speak up. If you don't hear anyone speaking up, don't assume you know what their position is.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:03pm

I get that all the time. Just recently we were picking up our car at the shop after Jason, a mechanic worked on it. The people in the sale office were teasing about Jason's workmanship and I said don't do that, I am his mom. Their faces dropped, and they said no way - you can't be Jason's mom!

Jason came into the office, and they are practically yelling at him - she cannot be your mom! He is obviously getting tired of hearing this, and says, yea, I am adopted... LOL

When we moved into one neighbourhood, before I met Rob, our new neighbours thought Jason and I were married and Josh was our child.

When I got married the first time, my new landlord kept trying to send me home, convinced I was just a child.

When I got married the second time, Rob's family thought my boys were my brothers.

When I joined a gym, the personal trainer practically feel off his chair when I told him how old I was.

Poor Rob, he went gray at just 28y old, and everyone thinks he is much older than me, when in fact I am older than him by 6 years.

I figure I should enjoy it, one day it might stop, and people will think I am as old as I really am...





No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...



~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:04pm
Yep, ITA with all of it right down to the handshake. My mom went to work to support her two kids as a single mom in the early 70s. She was once told openly that her salary was justifiably lower because she didn't have a spouse to support and her male counterpart did. She taught me the secret handshake.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:14pm

That's funny.

Our family is big on teasing (well dh and his boys are). OSS is training for the upcoming band season right now and we are hosting one of the parties next week for the whole band (there's a party most nights so all the kids get to know each other and bond). We were joking around that I should mix in so I can get all the good gossip, find out what the kids are into these days, get scoop on OSS. I won't really do it but dh was very much torturing OSS with the idea and loving every minute of it.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:16pm

" In fact, the only people who have the obligation *to* post *anything* are the CL's."


I know that isn't what you are saying Holly, but that leaves me to wonder - do I have an obligation to post about inaccuracies when it comes to the board "thought", policies, "rules", etc - because I am a CL? When I became a co-CL, I was told to just keep being myself, so I have. I haven't stepped into an argument or corrected a fallacy - unless it was something I would have done anyhow.


If the board turned into an all out war, I suppose I would report it to Tasha to handle, but so far it hasn't ever reached that point for me.


I guess I don't feel that I can speak for the board, any more than anyone else who is a regular here. I can only speak for myself.





No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...



~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.


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