Judging

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Judging
820
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 9:10am

Judging other people is a fairly common human behavior. We assess and compare ourselves to others all the time. Why is it that when breastfeeders are accused of judging, it is perceived as some sort of evil behavior?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:27pm

Perceived agreement is the unintended consequence of silence.


Do not assume you know what the silent majority is thinking.


Good thoughts! I might even put one of them in my signature - think it would help? ;)


That reminds me - someone recently took me to task for my Village quote in my signature - and left me so shocked, I didn't even respond.


Mostly because all I could think of was that my kids were all grown up and it was a little too late to worry about the village I chose... LOL





No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...



~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:28pm

***If I'm being mistaken for a teenager age age 38 yo, imagine what it was like when I was a teen and in my early 20s. I waited tables and had a little girl ask me if I was a little kid like her. I delivered pizzas and had people ask me if I rode my bike there. I worked behind a counter and was asked about child labor laws. I even got carded to see a PG movie once, I think I was 21. :P People will say there are worse problems and they are right, but it can be a problem when you want the respect and credibility that should come with age, and you know you've got a big hurdle to overcome from your appearance.***


Aww,

Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:32pm

***I'm not short, but I have long, curly hair and a young face. I try to balance it out by emphasizing the fact that my voice is a little lower than most women's, and I have a firm handshake. I hate it when people shake your hand like a dead fish.***


RFLMAO!!! Men have actually *winced * when

Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:33pm
I do not believe Catherine has any obligation to post something specific, she can post whatever she likes whenever she likes. Though the CMs might like to see her contributing in some way it's up to her how. So I think we are all in agreement there.



I suppose you're right, that a new poster could see someone correcting their inaccuracies but not the inaccuracies of a regular poster who generally agrees with them and think, 'Why won't she criticize them, too?' I suppose it could feel like a conspiracy but it's probably more like human nature.



That's a little different spin. 'Why won't she criticize them, too?' wasn't where I was going with this. I'm saying if someone is a regular poster, obviously knows what this board is about and makes a general statement about what "we" do here and what "we" think about something and nobody objects, it can look like there is a consensus of the majority. Rightly or wrongly it can be interpreted as such. Later when the new poster makes a similar generalization they are criticized because actually there is no consensus.



It is human nature. It's human nature, especially in a debate, to take sides and to not object to your own side too much (in a given thread, not to say bf'ers don't disagree on cows milk). All I'm saying is it can cause miscommunications. Not that people have to start criticizing those on their team or correct them, or looking for things to correct. Just be aware, that is where some of the misunderstandings come from. It is *not* that new posters are unable to process the idea you are all separate individuals as is sometimes suggested.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 2:18pm
As you know, I meant that you were obligated to post to keep the board going if it was very slow, to welcome people, etc. No one else is required to be here at all.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 2:25pm

~~As you know, I meant that you were obligated to post to keep the board going if it was very slow, to welcome people, etc. No one else is required to be here at all.~~


Yep, that's what I figured you meant. :D


It just set me wondering about my other CL obligations - whether by IVillage, or the other posters on the board.





No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...



~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 2:28pm

<>

I think it's a misinterpretation rather than a miscommunication, but I see your point. But I already did.

I guess what I have to ask myself is how much I should be worried about new posters misinterpreting things I have said. Of course, I want people to understand what I'm saying, and that is why I try to speak in a plain language, identifying specifically what I'm saying. But beyond that, in a forum like this, there's bound to be some level of misinterpretation, particularly from people who haven't been around much and don't know the regulars' posting styles, usual positions (this sounds dirty for some reason), etc.

So if I must spend my time musing over (or even debating) what other posters might be thinking when they read my posts, it wastes a lot of my time that could be spent actually arguing content. And if I were obligated to make pre-emptive conciliatory gestures toward the idea that someone *might* misinterpret my posts, then I could imagine all my posts becoming full of disclaimers. This is a common communication style women are socialized to uphold (e.g. "I may be wrong, but" or "This is just my opinion, but"), but years of debate competition have taught me that this is no way to present an argument. It discredits you before you've even said a word, which is why I try to avoid saying it unless I'm doing it strategically.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 3:42pm

>>I'm saying if someone is a regular poster, obviously knows what this board is about and makes a general statement about what "we" do here and what "we" think about something and nobody objects, it can look like there is a consensus of the majority. <<

Reminds me of the objection I made about your post earlier in the thread.

It's good to know that you feel it's important to call people on it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:21pm

(1) the only reason I responded was b/c you were incorrect in what the already existing blinky said, AND b/c I know what the intent behind the blinky was, and it was NOT to belittle anyone.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
In reply to: nisupulla
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:24pm
I wonder why nobody asks me about my banshee blinky.




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