Militant formula feeder v. Militant BFer
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| Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:04pm |
I have always lurked here because I find the breast/bottle debate interesting. I had an interesting experience at a baby shower today and thought I'd bring it here.
I exclusively BF my 3 month old son. It has not been easy or natural until the past few weeks. He had jaundice, bad doctors, we've both had thrush on and off for 2 months, dairy allergies, etc. I spent a lot of time while I was pregnant educating myself about the benefits of breastfeeding, common mistakes that new mother's make, why doctors are often incorrect when it comes to BFing...
Anyways, I was the only BFing mother at the shower today. I left my son with my mom (sleeping) and the host knew that I would have to leave as soon as he woke up (he doesn't take a bottle). I was ridiculed and made fun of by the women at the shower. They thought it was cute, I didn't. Comments were made such as, you just have that baby attached to your boob, huh? He's going to be so spoiled..what a moma's boy, blah, blah. Another mother told me that she wouldn't breastfeed because then the baby only sees you as food (ummm..what about the comfort and bonding part?!)
When the pregnant woman at the shower told me that she was interested in BFing and asked if I had any advice, etc. the other women went on and on with mistruths about BFing (how they didn't have enough milk, the baby was allergic to their milk...) I tried to divert the conversation, but I was outnumbered, so I told her to call me and we could talk then.
This is not the first experience like this that I've had. I am constantly encountering people with these attitudes. If they aren't perpetuating mistruths, they are saying things like, "boy weren't you lucky to be able to BF.." I wasn't lucky, I had a very hard time. I was PROACTIVE because he is my CHILD and I want him to have the best start possible. I don't expect a pat on the back, but don't undermine my devotion to my son.
I guess this is my issue/question: Why do I hear so much about militant breastfeeders when FF moms are just as bad? Why do I become portrayed as militant when I'm simply trying to educate a new mom about the wonderful aspects of BFing? Honestly, I don't really care what people do with their own kids, but I do think that it is important to educate new moms about the benefits of BFing.


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Yikes, is this your opinion of most females? I have seen men be just as competitive and catty as any group of females. Maybe it is just your company of men/women.
In my opinion, this board has a lot of groupthink.
Melissa
I had never heard of the word "hyperlexic" so I did some reading....Apparently I am/was??? I was reading at age 3, but didn't communicate well until I was about 4 (I would repeat what was said, but never said anything on my own.) To this day, I can "speed read" although I've never learned how, and I can't explain to anyone how I do it...I just look at a page and know what's written on it. I had a HORRIBLE time learning how to type (but I now type about 90 WPM,) almost didn't graduate from Katharine Gibbs (secretarial school,) with straight A's only because I couldn't get the whole typing thing down. Realized through trial and error that I was confusing myself by reading faster than I could type, or paying too much attention to what was being said on tapes (during transcription,) and not enough attention to the actual *words.*
Funny. Seems that all of my other kids are either very bright or gifted (we don't really know about the 2yo yet,) but although they're all reading above grade level, none of them were precocious readers...a little early maybe, but nothing extreme.
Sarah's the only one who has presented with an actual learning disability so far...I hope to keep it that way!
Karin
Sounds like you were 'echolalic' when you were a kid...my Andrew is echolalic and it's typical of autistic kids (not saying you were autistic, lol).
I was hyperlexic as was my younger brother. He's got a genius level IQ but couldnt' manage to graduate high school with more than a C average.
What I find interesting is the wide range of learning disabilities out there. The school found out that my nephew has trouble learning through seeing...he has to do it through hearing. He's also got trouble with writing (he's in eighth grade) in that, he would be doing his creative writing assignments and by the time he was getting toward the end, the thinking would become jumbled, couldn't finish and his penmanship went from neat to illegible. Now he dictates his stories to his mother, who types them on the computer and he's pulling off A's again. He might have to do tests orally when he gets into high school.
Knock wood, our littlest seems to be ok so far...I sat on pins and needles with him for a while. He just started using real words and he's developing on schedule.
Judi
<"See you made the mistake I have made so often... You came on the Hooray for Breastfeeding Board (they really should re-name this thing...who do ya email to suggest that?) and failed to engage in the endless high-fiving and back-patting.">
I like your idea for a name change. It would be far more accurate, LOL.
<"There are a few here though that seem to be of the opinion that there are no valid reasons for using formula, and though it's never been said I get the feel that they think if you can't/don't wish to bf you shouldn't have had children in the first place. You know... perfect people who know it all.">
You're not alone in this feeling. I've found the ignore button to be helpful on that front, since they thankfully are not the majority, at least not yet.
I have to laugh when I come here as a breastfeeder, and find myself more aligned with those who debate on the "other" side.
Great progress for Andrew there!
I know what you mean about "assuming" about other people, but you know, the thing I assume is...there can't be THAT many kids who don't want to be held...from what I saw in Québec, it was like an epidemic of bottle propping in seats. :-(
Fio
Sandrine is a bit like this. She always wanted to be NEAR me...ie wouldn't sleep unless her nose was in my armpit ;-) but never liked being HELD closely with arms around her. Nyssa OTOH is the queen of cuddles. She cuddles all the time. And Sandrine is probably closer to ADD type personality than Nyssa. She definitely is a lot like me when I was in school and I'm sure I'd have been on ritalin if I was in school in today's day and age. I am working with her on getting her to take fish oil pills though and they seem to help to a certain extent...with her *ahem* unique personality LOL.
Fio
I was very startled to read your post!! I am a new mom (my son is 7 weeks) and I have been breastfeeding him since he was born. Only recently have I decided to supplement with formula, to go out to dinner, over to a friends house, etc. I understand what you are going through because before, when I was exclusively bfing, It was hard to even make a decision to go to the store with him. Many people I spoke with encouraged me to bf which made it a little easier. It is the best thing for your baby, no matter what anyone says and I think it is very insensitive for anyone to make fun of someone that is trying to do the best thing for their child. It's very sad how society makes it almost immodest to breastfeed your kid!! I think it is wonderful that you are making this early bond with your baby and I don't think you will be sorry if you decide to continue breastfeeding. Good luck!!
Mandi
>>Here's a tip: never point out any of the following:
1. Nobody's perfect, not even bfers,
2. Not all ffers deserve to be demonized, or
3. Bfing is a relationship and like any relationship, the needs of *both* parties need to be considered.<<
>>There are a few here though that seem to be of the opinion that there are no valid reasons for using formula, and though it's never been said I get the feel that they think if you can't/don't wish to bf you shouldn't have had children in the first place. You know... perfect people who know it all.<<
I will just chime in and say this kind of generalization about this board is inconsistent with my experience here. I have never read a post by a "perfect person" who thinks people who don't bf "shouldn't have had children", and what's with the so called "unwritten rules", sounds like pure BS to me.
In another post you've stated that it's better not to identify the poster who's supposedly said this stuff, but the least you can do is back it up. It comes across to me as baseless as the mythological guilt-inducing Tittie Taliban, et al.
OTOH, you've made excellent points in other threads. And this lop-sided debate board would be very boring without at least few dissenters.
>>Here's a tip: never point out any of the following:
1. Nobody's perfect, not even bfers,
2. Not all ffers deserve to be demonized, or
3. Bfing is a relationship and like any relationship, the needs of *both* parties need to be considered.<<
>>There are a few here though that seem to be of the opinion that there are no valid reasons for using formula, and though it's never been said I get the feel that they think if you can't/don't wish to bf you shouldn't have had children in the first place. You know... perfect people who know it all.<<
I will just chime in and say this kind of generalization about this board is inconsistent with my experience here. I have never read a post by a "perfect person" who thinks people who don't bf "shouldn't have had children", and what's with the so called "unwritten rules", sounds like pure BS to me.
In another post you've stated that it's better not to identify the poster who's supposedly said this stuff, but the least you can do is back it up. It comes across to me as baseless as the mythological guilt-inducing Tittie Taliban, et al.
OTOH, you've made excellent points in other threads. And this lop-sided debate board would be very boring without at least few dissenters.>>
As a formally ffing mother, I have come across threads where I am, wow, that does hurt alittle especially when there was talk about bonding. I believe what was said (biologically, there are hormones released that enhance bonding etc.) but not how it was said. Yes, I can see bonding as easier if you breastfeed even from the stand point of how one must feed (ie, close to the chest, suckling from the breast). There is a natural closeness. I sometimes wonder if by having to strap Kylie's hand under my arm, that it made it even harder for her to take because it was all about confinement and how I might hold my next if s/he has the same problem...
So, there have been harder words and I tend not to jump in because I feel differently from the other side of the fence. I also find people do not respond often to my posts. I still enjoy learning but if you have never done ff, then sometimes you may not understand or even if your experience was extremely difficult (mine never was), then like smokers who have quit, there tends to be an extreme view (all ff babies spit up terribly etc. or are often sick which again was never my experience knock on wood).
One thing that is interesting with Kylie who at two hours old onwards could not stand being confined, held long or swaddle. And this lasted until 9 months. I worried about how she would turn out. Then she went to the opposite end and did not want me to put her down...now she has evened it out at 20 months deciding when she needs comfort. I almost wish you could go back and start again because I am sure now she would have no troubles bf...
Spud...
Like I said, I am sure most kids do like being held and we are the exception, not the rule. I do see people feed the carseat so to speak, but rarely see a propped bottle. I guess it just varies from area to area. I also see far more people nursing than bottle feeding on a regular basis anyway.
And yes, thanks, Andrew has made great strides! He was actually denied the funded Intensive Behavioural Intervention (IBI, also called ABA) recently. The psychologists decided that he would benefit more from a pre-school program with *regular* (whatever that means,lol) kids and an aide, than from IBI. So, he's starting preschool in the fall, two or three afternoons a week.
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