Militant formula feeder v. Militant BFer
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| Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:04pm |
I have always lurked here because I find the breast/bottle debate interesting. I had an interesting experience at a baby shower today and thought I'd bring it here.
I exclusively BF my 3 month old son. It has not been easy or natural until the past few weeks. He had jaundice, bad doctors, we've both had thrush on and off for 2 months, dairy allergies, etc. I spent a lot of time while I was pregnant educating myself about the benefits of breastfeeding, common mistakes that new mother's make, why doctors are often incorrect when it comes to BFing...
Anyways, I was the only BFing mother at the shower today. I left my son with my mom (sleeping) and the host knew that I would have to leave as soon as he woke up (he doesn't take a bottle). I was ridiculed and made fun of by the women at the shower. They thought it was cute, I didn't. Comments were made such as, you just have that baby attached to your boob, huh? He's going to be so spoiled..what a moma's boy, blah, blah. Another mother told me that she wouldn't breastfeed because then the baby only sees you as food (ummm..what about the comfort and bonding part?!)
When the pregnant woman at the shower told me that she was interested in BFing and asked if I had any advice, etc. the other women went on and on with mistruths about BFing (how they didn't have enough milk, the baby was allergic to their milk...) I tried to divert the conversation, but I was outnumbered, so I told her to call me and we could talk then.
This is not the first experience like this that I've had. I am constantly encountering people with these attitudes. If they aren't perpetuating mistruths, they are saying things like, "boy weren't you lucky to be able to BF.." I wasn't lucky, I had a very hard time. I was PROACTIVE because he is my CHILD and I want him to have the best start possible. I don't expect a pat on the back, but don't undermine my devotion to my son.
I guess this is my issue/question: Why do I hear so much about militant breastfeeders when FF moms are just as bad? Why do I become portrayed as militant when I'm simply trying to educate a new mom about the wonderful aspects of BFing? Honestly, I don't really care what people do with their own kids, but I do think that it is important to educate new moms about the benefits of BFing.


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ITA. I am on another feeding choices debate board (on another website) for over 7 years now. I have never encountered so many people who make such comments about ff'ers in my life until I popped on this board. I have enver met so many women who praise themselves on a daily basis and sarcastically put others down.
I have done both so maybe I tolerate more. I have enough going on in my life that I do not need to criticize and judge every single mother I see.
I am also glad I never met most of these poeple when I was having trouble bf'ng my second dd. I would have run fo rthe hills and figured it out on my own.
"Why do I hear so much about militant breastfeeders when FF moms are just as bad?"
That is a generalization. Not all ff'ng mothers are militant. Personally, I have never met one ff'er who thought it was best. Most people I know who ff'ed did so after attempting to bf did not work out or they simply wanted to ff'ed. I have never heard one ff'ng mother who stated I ff'ed b/c it is best.
On the flip side, the only militant bf'er I ever met was my first LC. She was a *itch. My second LC was so much nicer and helped me alot!
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Again why such a generalization? Who said it was OK? Every single ff'ng mother thinks it okay? No, the vast majority of people (I am not going to lump all mothers as bf'ng or ff'ng like the two camps should never meet..yikes!) would NOT think it is okay. You can get a few nut cases from both sides.
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HUh? When the heck would that even happen? When I was ff'ng, I never, never had one bf'ng criticize me. The one time a firend of mine made a snide remark and called formula "crap" I cracked up laughing. She ff'ed her first child compeltely and bf'ed the second. I laughed and responded "Well, that "crap" helped your first child grow and develop". Hypocrite. I have also never heard a ff'ng mom comment on anyone of us who bf.
It is really ashame that so many people on this board have such a us v. them mentality.
I am glad I have friends and family who are diverse and accepting.
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Ha. Again more generalziations. When I told my group of friends that I was bf'ng my second, I got more than enough info. I asked for it and liked it. When I was ff'ng my first, not one drop of advice.
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Why don't you hear about "Militant FFers"?
Because they *own* the "war".>>
This post sums up the reason you will never have more ff'ers on this board. It is also the reason why moms will always be fighting each other and really never win anything in the end. It is such a hateful post and really, really sad that no one else on this board thought this post was outrageous.
This is a futile debate board to be on.
I was never a militant ff or bf'er. I really believe in bf'ng education and awareness. I just do not see the point in belittling ff'ers in order to get a point across. I do not see the point in making every bf'er into some great mother and every ff'ng mother is some idiot who props a bottle, put cereal in a bottle and goes around criticizing every single bf'er.
FTR: I have never felt or pretended to be victimized whether I ff'ed or bf'ed.
>>I have never heard one ff'ng mother who stated I ff'ed b/c it is best. <<
FFers may not say "formula is best", but I expect comments such "Ewww" or a distasteful "It's not my thing" or whatever slew of myths they choose to believe in. "I didn't breastfeed because I want my boobs to stay perky" "I'm not going to breastfeed because I want my husband to be able to feed the baby". They come a dime a dozen around here.
>>Most people I know who ff'ed did so after attempting to bf did not work out or they simply wanted to ff'ed. I have never heard one ff'ng mother who stated I ff'ed b/c it is best. <<
This is not my experience. Most women who ff seem to choose it (based on the whole "Ewww" thing). But that's not to say a whole lot of women don't try. Generally, if I'm BFing those who tried tend to talk about what went wrong when they tried. IRL there doesn't seem to be a lot of comments about in-your-face LC's sabotaging efforts.
>>I have never, never heard anyone getting that harassed by that many people at a baby shower. <<
A friend of mine FF her 1st and BFed her 2nd. Then she was pg with twins ( I think she was hoping for the girl she didn't get ;) I got her a BF pillow that was recommended to me as a must from another mom who nursed twins. When my friend opened it, she was clearly worried about comments and sort of deflected that issue onto me- This is from my BFing friend, or something to that effect.
There are definitely uncomfortable feelings about BFing around here.
>>not one woman I knew ff'ed from the beginning b/c of the "ewwww" factor. <<
Interesting, and great!
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