Militant formula feeder v. Militant BFer
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:04pm |
I have always lurked here because I find the breast/bottle debate interesting. I had an interesting experience at a baby shower today and thought I'd bring it here.
I exclusively BF my 3 month old son. It has not been easy or natural until the past few weeks. He had jaundice, bad doctors, we've both had thrush on and off for 2 months, dairy allergies, etc. I spent a lot of time while I was pregnant educating myself about the benefits of breastfeeding, common mistakes that new mother's make, why doctors are often incorrect when it comes to BFing...
Anyways, I was the only BFing mother at the shower today. I left my son with my mom (sleeping) and the host knew that I would have to leave as soon as he woke up (he doesn't take a bottle). I was ridiculed and made fun of by the women at the shower. They thought it was cute, I didn't. Comments were made such as, you just have that baby attached to your boob, huh? He's going to be so spoiled..what a moma's boy, blah, blah. Another mother told me that she wouldn't breastfeed because then the baby only sees you as food (ummm..what about the comfort and bonding part?!)
When the pregnant woman at the shower told me that she was interested in BFing and asked if I had any advice, etc. the other women went on and on with mistruths about BFing (how they didn't have enough milk, the baby was allergic to their milk...) I tried to divert the conversation, but I was outnumbered, so I told her to call me and we could talk then.
This is not the first experience like this that I've had. I am constantly encountering people with these attitudes. If they aren't perpetuating mistruths, they are saying things like, "boy weren't you lucky to be able to BF.." I wasn't lucky, I had a very hard time. I was PROACTIVE because he is my CHILD and I want him to have the best start possible. I don't expect a pat on the back, but don't undermine my devotion to my son.
I guess this is my issue/question: Why do I hear so much about militant breastfeeders when FF moms are just as bad? Why do I become portrayed as militant when I'm simply trying to educate a new mom about the wonderful aspects of BFing? Honestly, I don't really care what people do with their own kids, but I do think that it is important to educate new moms about the benefits of BFing.


Pages
<<>>
I think you are very fortunate to have that kind of support and positivity surrounding you when it comes to BF. Enjoy that privelege, and spread the good word about BF wherever you can! :O)
<<>>
Just out of curiosity, why would you choose to ignore posters on a debate board? Don't you want to hear what they have to say for the sake of the debate? I don't think you need to be afraid of what they are saying, unless you know it's going to be something you don't want to hear; that to me, is what would make visiting a debate board "futile", in the words of the other poster. JMHO, of course.
<<<"many will"...and she knows "many" ff'ers will prop a bottle? Where is the reasearch on that? her local mall?>>>
Again, why so sarcastic? Everyone else here wants to be spoken to repsectfully, just like you do. Cathie doesn't strike me as to type to hang out and listen to gossip at her local mall anyway. ;O)
Since it was Cathie's point and not mine, I can only answer you by assuming that she has had personal experience with FF moms "propping" their children's bottles for them. It really did used to be standard practice, whether you have seen it yourself or not. If you want me to, I am sure I can even dig out some old Kodak Instamatic photos of myself as an infant in the 1970's, lying in my Bobbie Mac chair with a rolled-up receiving blanket on my chest, on which is propped a big Playtex Nurser bottle full of formula. I can show you pics of all 3 of my siblings in the same position, and they were all born in the 1980's, so it had to be going on for awhile!
I can only speak from my own experiences with this practice, as Cathie can only speak from her own. I don't think it's something you can "research" at all; it's just from experience and observations over time.
<"Just out of curiosity, why would you choose to ignore posters on a debate board? Don't you want to hear what they have to say for the sake of the debate? I don't think you need to be afraid of what they are saying, unless you know it's going to be something you don't want to hear; that to me, is what would make visiting a debate board "futile", in the words of the other poster. JMHO, of course.">
In this case, it was really more of a style issue. Trust me, I am not "afraid" of what anyone here has or might say. What is there to be afraid of? I put this particular ignore into place a while back, maybe a couple of years ago or so. As far as why, I'll just say that I personally found her sarcastic tone to be unnecessary and rude, and it made visiting the board a better experience for me to just not have those posts appear at all.
FWIW, I have found much that is worthwhile on both sides on this board, though more so in years past than in its more recent history. For me, the current domination of the board by the more extreme end of the breastfeeding spectrum has made it a little too lopsided for my interest level.
Hope that clears it up. :-)
<<
Maybe it is a small town thing.>>>
Even if she lives in Podunk, USA, she is entitled to good advice and support from others. She felt like people were putting down her preferred feeding method. FF moms feel this way, so why can't a BF mom? I don't think it has anything at all to do with age, location, size of city, or number of baby showers attended. It has to do with people being respectful and open with one another about a topic that gets shoved under the rug far too often. Most importantly, these adults should be discussing the topic maturely and without judgement because of the people who don't get any say in the matter. In this case, it was an unborn baby who needs to be fed somehow, no matter what.
Why should any mom have to listen to untruths, myths or bullying about *any* parenting choice? It happens plenty, and I am sure you'll say "not in my social group!", like you did on this topic already. Unfortunately, the kind of situation discussed by the OP seems to happen most often around the topic of feeding, which is about as basic as it gets for the baby. The OP was speaking from her own experience, which is also one that others of us have had. The fact that you have not experienced it yourself doesn't make it so that it isn't happening to other people at other times. It is a real issue, and it isn't fair to suggest that she was imagining it or overreacting.
Edited 4/9/2007 3:21 pm ET by thistlemchays
>>Spud! The hairs on my arms are standing up. That is a beautiful poem, and it brings me right back to those first few weeks when sleep and patience were low but the overwhelming love got me through!>>
Thank you Mary! I do not get a lot of replies, however, it feels good when someone reads my post and relates.
It takes a lot of patience and time to raise a child no matter how you feed them and I am determined to try the "other side" now. It will still take a lot of patience and learning, but I am willing to do it because there is nothing like falling inlove with a child!
Spud...
>>The fact that a woman who is making milk would choose to go to formula rather than pumping to bottle feed (if the child is not latching) is beyond me>>
I do not know if my milk ever came in, but I never was engorged or in pain. By the time I went home, I had decided to formula feed. I was not really supported to pump. I think by then I was so overwhelmed by a child with such severe breast aversion that I never really thought about it again. It was a matter of survival. I was already severly sleep deprived.
It will be an idea if my second baby has breast aversion now that I have more knowledge going in.
That is my story!
Spud...
LOL, you think "not all ff'ers do this" amounts to a "sweeping generalization"?
Cathie
Pages