Militant formula feeder v. Militant BFer

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Militant formula feeder v. Militant BFer
515
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:04pm

I have always lurked here because I find the breast/bottle debate interesting. I had an interesting experience at a baby shower today and thought I'd bring it here.

I exclusively BF my 3 month old son. It has not been easy or natural until the past few weeks. He had jaundice, bad doctors, we've both had thrush on and off for 2 months, dairy allergies, etc. I spent a lot of time while I was pregnant educating myself about the benefits of breastfeeding, common mistakes that new mother's make, why doctors are often incorrect when it comes to BFing...

Anyways, I was the only BFing mother at the shower today. I left my son with my mom (sleeping) and the host knew that I would have to leave as soon as he woke up (he doesn't take a bottle). I was ridiculed and made fun of by the women at the shower. They thought it was cute, I didn't. Comments were made such as, you just have that baby attached to your boob, huh? He's going to be so spoiled..what a moma's boy, blah, blah. Another mother told me that she wouldn't breastfeed because then the baby only sees you as food (ummm..what about the comfort and bonding part?!)

When the pregnant woman at the shower told me that she was interested in BFing and asked if I had any advice, etc. the other women went on and on with mistruths about BFing (how they didn't have enough milk, the baby was allergic to their milk...) I tried to divert the conversation, but I was outnumbered, so I told her to call me and we could talk then.

This is not the first experience like this that I've had. I am constantly encountering people with these attitudes. If they aren't perpetuating mistruths, they are saying things like, "boy weren't you lucky to be able to BF.." I wasn't lucky, I had a very hard time. I was PROACTIVE because he is my CHILD and I want him to have the best start possible. I don't expect a pat on the back, but don't undermine my devotion to my son.

I guess this is my issue/question: Why do I hear so much about militant breastfeeders when FF moms are just as bad? Why do I become portrayed as militant when I'm simply trying to educate a new mom about the wonderful aspects of BFing? Honestly, I don't really care what people do with their own kids, but I do think that it is important to educate new moms about the benefits of BFing.

hhh


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 8:58pm
FWIW, I've never observed any FF I know prop a bottle. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I think the whole point is that it *is* a common practice, even if it's not something that's practiced by all, or even most. Just a significant "many." I've definetely seen it; just not amongst the people I keep company with.
Avatar for tanjanika
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:09pm

What a great poem. I hope you save it for her. It's wonderful prose that sums up all that we have to do, as Mothers, and how when it's quiet-- usually at night, we do what we love. Baby gazing, baby drinking-in, and baby loving!

You'd better save that!

Jani

Jani

"Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense."

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:13pm

Thank you Jani!

I will. I sometimes just keep it tucked away and on crazy days or when I am just in need of a reminder, I read it.

And then sometimes it is nice to remember that it was not all just sleep deprivation etc., that sometimes I would finish up and have put her to bed, and I felt good, as a mother and that she was content!

Spud...







Lilypie




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:17pm

>>FWIW, I've never observed any FF I know prop a bottle. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I think the whole point is that it *is* a common practice, even if it's not something that's practiced by all, or even most. Just a significant "many." I've definetely seen it; just not amongst the people I keep company with.>>

I think that sort of thinking is what keeps the gap between FF and BFs. Yes, BFs cannot prop a baby as it is not physically possible however, to say it is common practice without at actually knowing it is quite a slight to a FF mother. Just keep in mind if you have not done the research and you have not seen it with your own eyes, then to make those kinds of comments is, in my opinion, rude!

Spud..







Lilypie




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:19pm

<<>>

I'm guessing this is more of your famous sarcasm shining through. If you would just speak from your heart, respond to posts as they have been written, and stop trying to be so glib, we could get somewhere!

Cathie (along with all other women on this board) is entitled to discuss her observations. If she saw it, then we have to believe it is true, at least in the cases she has seen. We give each other the benefit of the doubt here, because we are adults and because we each bring something to the table, so to speak, in this debate. But once again, Cathie never said "most", and she never accused anybody of not "actually lik to bond" with their babies. Why do you insist on reading into other people's posts and seeing things that aren't there? It does nothing to further the debate, and we end up arguing like this, not actually debating at all.

I, too, would love to hear more about your having "done both", i.e. BF and FF. I think that would be a great contribution to the debate. You seem to have a vast amount of confidence in your decisions to both BF and FF and I would like to hear more about how you arrived at that state.



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Avatar for tanjanika
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:28pm

<>

You're getting a "feel" via the internet?

<>

And again I'll ask, how do you know what people are "thinking" vs. what they're *typing*?

<>

So, nobody has ever *said* it, typed it, or implied it, but you know what they're really thinking, huh? And we just won't say what *you* know that we're secretly thinking, for fear of being "chastised" with a wet noodle?

...and you're calling other people "extremists"?

<>

Yes, I imagine that this would be exceedingly difficult.

<>

What's the three rules? Did you make them up too? Do you have a link to the thread or the direct posts where someone has so moderately shown up to explain their situation (not to be confused with posting a debate topic, mind you, and getting the debate that they asked for), and got "slammed"?

<>

What does your being "all for debate" have to do with your desire to hang out with men vs. women? My, isn't it just a bit catty and hyper-competitive to make such a broad generalization?

Jani

Jani

"Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:32pm

Why is it "rude" to make an observation? Bottle propping DOES happen. I don't think it's being rude to make an observation and report on it. I've heard FF friends comment on bottle propping with disgust. It is a common practice -- theres quite a few products devoted to it! Check out:

http://babybungalow.com/babohu.html

http://www.greatbabyproducts.com/Baby_Bottle_Holder_p/prod-mm220.htm

http://www.bottlesling.com/

The variety of bottle propping devices available is a testimony to its prevalence.




Edited 4/9/2007 9:38 pm ET by cyber_steph27
Avatar for tanjanika
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:35pm

<>

In absence of any *extreme* views that have actually been stated, I can't agree that there tends to be an extreme view due to lack of experience. Most people here have plenty of experience with formula feeding, either directly, or by way of being around FFers & FFed kids on a daily basis.

Of course, if one thinks that "disagreement with my position" = "your views are extreme", then I definitely see where they're coming from.

Jani

Jani

"Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2000
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:38pm

Well, do I get a cookie for doing "all three?"


I donated my freezer stash of EBM to another mom through


* Milk Share *

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:40pm
You just reminded me of a shower gift I received when I was PG. It was a "bottle holder" that you would screw onto the nipple-ring, and it had handles coming down for Baby to grab onto. It was made of hard plastic, as I recall. I wish I could find a pic of it, as we no longer have the item. I do know she bought it at Dollar Tree or Dollar General, and it's probably still available.


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