Militant formula feeder v. Militant BFer
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:04pm |
I have always lurked here because I find the breast/bottle debate interesting. I had an interesting experience at a baby shower today and thought I'd bring it here.
I exclusively BF my 3 month old son. It has not been easy or natural until the past few weeks. He had jaundice, bad doctors, we've both had thrush on and off for 2 months, dairy allergies, etc. I spent a lot of time while I was pregnant educating myself about the benefits of breastfeeding, common mistakes that new mother's make, why doctors are often incorrect when it comes to BFing...
Anyways, I was the only BFing mother at the shower today. I left my son with my mom (sleeping) and the host knew that I would have to leave as soon as he woke up (he doesn't take a bottle). I was ridiculed and made fun of by the women at the shower. They thought it was cute, I didn't. Comments were made such as, you just have that baby attached to your boob, huh? He's going to be so spoiled..what a moma's boy, blah, blah. Another mother told me that she wouldn't breastfeed because then the baby only sees you as food (ummm..what about the comfort and bonding part?!)
When the pregnant woman at the shower told me that she was interested in BFing and asked if I had any advice, etc. the other women went on and on with mistruths about BFing (how they didn't have enough milk, the baby was allergic to their milk...) I tried to divert the conversation, but I was outnumbered, so I told her to call me and we could talk then.
This is not the first experience like this that I've had. I am constantly encountering people with these attitudes. If they aren't perpetuating mistruths, they are saying things like, "boy weren't you lucky to be able to BF.." I wasn't lucky, I had a very hard time. I was PROACTIVE because he is my CHILD and I want him to have the best start possible. I don't expect a pat on the back, but don't undermine my devotion to my son.
I guess this is my issue/question: Why do I hear so much about militant breastfeeders when FF moms are just as bad? Why do I become portrayed as militant when I'm simply trying to educate a new mom about the wonderful aspects of BFing? Honestly, I don't really care what people do with their own kids, but I do think that it is important to educate new moms about the benefits of BFing.


Pages
>>My point was that when nursing mothers come on here with their personal stories about the "other side," the BFing contigent seems to just assume that the mother's account of what happened must surely be true, since it's depicting FFing mothers, or anyone whom they deem unsupportive of BFing, in a negative light. So no one questions the validity of the account. But if a FFing mother tells a personal story, it's jumped on and picked apart immediately, searching for a way to render it untrue or somehow invalid. There was actually a thread posted about this a while back. Was it witchpower who asked whether different posters are treated differently, based on their side, or whether they're new or a regular? Can't remember the details now, but I think it's come up before, with people trying to figure out why the board is so heavy on BFers, and why FFers don't stick around. <<
Actually, the post that started that whole hollabaloo wasn't about anything that bf'ers said a ff'ing mom. It was actually someone who came to post about why she "had" to use formula and when she was questioned as to what support/education she sought prior to making the switch. She posted some incorret information, and when she was challenged she immediately became belligerant and hurled insulting remarks at anyone who questioned her. I for one took exception to her insistence that formula was best for her son b/c of the issues she'd encountered (I'm remembering PPD and she just plain didn't like bf'ing, she thought she was a better mom emotionally feeding formula); that's simply not true. Just because she chose not to provide breastmilk any longer did not render formula the best form of nutrition for her son. Just because someone makes a choice doesn't make their decision the "best" one.
If anyone, regardless of their debate position, comes to this board and posts a myth or fallacy s/he is going to be challenged on that point. Bf'ers have been challenged on their experiences just as much as ff'ers have, including on the negative things people say or do to/about them. I really don't think that we are more likely to believe a bf'ing mom over a ff'ing one -- I am sure that there really are people out there making negative comments to ff'ing moms. There's a lady who posts here quite often whose username is lucy (with some numbers, sorry Lucy!) and she has a bf'ing sil from Hades! I don't think any one of us has ever said her sil is in the right for the nasty comments she makes about Lucy's dd Lauren...not once. However, I take contention with the idea that bf'ing moms' comments to a ff'ing mom can "make her feel guilty." Guilt is an emotion which comes from the person feeling the guilt, not from an outside source. And we often note that the things which are often credited with the "guilt causing" are nothing more than facts! Which brings us right back to the OP of this thread: in many areas of our country, the mere mention of bf'ing raises hackles, regardless of the context. Simply giving a book about bf'ing to an expectant mom upsets many people (witchpower's mother, for instance, who told her that she was pushing bf'ing on her sister). But not many people would get that upset over giving a mom who intends to bf a case of formula or a bottle and artificial nipples. Do you not agree that there is a paradox there?
And again: one of the major objections to Debbie's string of posts on this thread was her flippant dismissal of the OP's experience as "just get new friends," and her insistence upon labeling statements throughout the thread as "generalizations" when they were, in fact, nothing of the kind. If a ff'ing mom came here and said she was at a baby shower and all the other women bf and sort of ganged up on her when she was asked for ff'ing advice, and one of us told her to just go find new friends, what would you think? And FTR: I don't think any poster here would feel as though the bf'ing moms in that hypothetical scenario were in the right for ganging up on the ff'ing mom, any more than we think that the op'ers ff'ing acquaintances were right for what they did. The behavior is rude regardless of the source from whence it spills.
No, not ignored at all. I was reflecting on it earlier. I think there's a small kernel of truth, but I also think it's a pretty big exaggeration. I don't think anyone -- a BF or a FF -- can get away with saying, for example, "I was harassed for feeding my child" without someone questioning whether they were really "harassed," or whether they were perceiving harassment. It's fair, when you throw a topic out for debate, to be prepared to have it debated!
That's not to say that the person's original gut feeling was incorrect. But I think it's necessary to peel through the layers to get at what really happened. If someone where to come here and say "I was kicked out of for breastfeeding" it would be appropriate to ask questions to find out if that's what *really* happened. Maybe poster was kicked out for being intoxicated and causing a public nuisance...and just happened to be breastfeeding at the same time.
Oh, wait. That would never happen. We're saints.
Edited 4/10/2007 1:08 pm ET by cyber_steph27
"Why would it be a slight to FFing mother... unless they also happen to be bottle propers?"
Why would any stereotype offend members of the group it is aimed at, unless they also happen to fall into that stereotype?
Why would bfers be offended by being being told that being 'militant' is common practice, unless they *are* militant?
Maggie's doing great!!! :) Thanks for asking... She had her 2 mo check up yesterday.... 10 lbs, 10 oz and 22 3/4" long - There is something gratifying about knowing that she is getting bigger because of me.... Very healthy otherwise, smiling and cooing up a storm now, and kicking those little legs like there's no tomorrow :)
We got a Basset Hound puppy while I was pregnant (I guess I was feeling pretty ambitious :)) Fred's a great dog and we have him pretty well trained, it's just that when dh is gone and I'm busy with dd, he gets board and acts up... can't say I blame him, but it *does* drive me nuts sometimes :) Oh well, dh got back from his trip Sun, so Fred's got his playmate again :) all is right in his little world.
"No need to be jealous. The point is being soundly ignored anyway, LOL."
Of course it is... because it's valid, lol
"I have a 5 month old, but I do post about cereal and about bfing issues (like, "I just dried up overnight and I am so devastated I have to switch to formula!" ). I word it very light and just stick to facts and links to things like AAP policy and kellymom. I haven't been flamed yet! I have to do it, I can't let the big pile of stinking bad info just sit there LOL!"
Yeah, I've posted kellymom links a few times if people are asking questions, but I have found that it often seems like the info just isn't what they want to hear. I have a hard time with tact on the internet...
<>
Well, why not get the ball rolling? Challenge the OP on her statements. As it so happens, the direction the debate took allowed her statements to go unchecked. If you feel they are a dramatic interpretation of what took place, why don't you question her?
Are you sure about that, or is it just all in your mind?
LOL, just kidding. Anyhoo...
<>
Well the key word there is Assume, and that's kinda what you're doing here, isn't it? What is being done is debating. Just good ol'fashioned debating. Many of us have heard so many myths and so many stories about this fanatic contingent of militant breastfeeders jumping on an unsuspecting mom who's about to put a bottle in her
>
Oh, yeah!! It's gratifying, liberating, empowering, I-am-woman-hear-me-roar kinda stuff!! :-)
Fred Basset? I love it!!!!
Mary
Mom to Kevin 11/04/2003
CL, Breast vs. Bottle Debate
Pages