Ok.....I've got one!!....

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Ok.....I've got one!!....
13
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 3:39pm
Seeing as the "natives" are getting restless, I'll start a debate.....hopefully;)


Are there judgments made regarding those women who choose not to attempt bfing?? If someone bf'd for even a few days....are they *better* or are you more able to understand why she tried and "failed??"

I must admit I don't understand a woman's unwillingness to even try to bf. I realize I'm not in her shoes...but find it difficult to know where she is coming from when the reason she is NOT bfing have nothing to do with any sexual abuse she may have received.

I am a ffing mom, but have bf'd for a time. And would bf for a longer time if I felt I was able to and was receiving support and seeing progress. I have no problem switching to formula, but would give bfing a "college try."


christine


~christine~

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Avatar for kfira71
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 4:55pm
<<"Are there judgments made regarding those women who choose not to attempt bfing??">>

Absolutely. I've seen it time and again on this board. If a woman doesn't "at least" try, and makes the decision to FF from the start, she is viewed as extremely selfish by many. I know several people IRL who chose not to BF and, though it is not the decision I would make, I don't see how anyone can label that person selfish, unless she knows the mother inside and out. Perhaps the mother *does* have deep-seeded, emotional reasons for not wanting to BF at all, and chooses not to share them (or is maybe even unaware of them herself, but just knows it's not for her). Or perhaps she has done her research, has seen FF children thrive beautifully, and believes that the possible benefits of BFing are not worth the effort.

Anyway, as I said, I personally would want to give it a try. Like you, I have (and had) no problem with switching to formula. But I view this choice as a personal, family decision, and no outsider can say what is truly "best" (not speaking only of nutrition in terms of this word) for any particular family of which they are not a part, when it comes to this issue. To try to do so, and to label a mother selfish, is assuming too much about that mother's view of the issue and her state of mind, IMO.

~Kim

"Becoming a parent means agreeing to allow your heart to go walking around outside of your body."

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 5:18pm
Excellent post.

christine


~christine~

Avatar for queen_brat
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 7:51pm
Unfortunly alot of women do judge other women for many things nad hwo they feed thier child is one of the biggest. I think it is terrible. But both sides have people who judge. I do think it is stronger on the side of nusers thou unless it comes to NIP. But then you get everyone judging you. I don't judge but do think everyone should try to bf but it is up to them. I do thou think part of why I feel this way is I tried to nurse and it didnt work out. So I understand how hard it can be. I almost didnt even try to nurse my 3rd baby because it had failed twice already. I am glad I tried again! But it was my choice to make either way and my mil did judge me over but well everything I do is wrong in her eyes anyways, lol. She also judged me for nursing past a year.

April


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Registered: 07-31-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 11:28pm
Oh yes, there are judgments made on those who don't breastfeed. Why not?

I don't distinguish between those who give it a "try" and those who simply don't do it. The majority of moms are able to do it and simply give up because of discomfort, time constraints or some other excuse. I find myself rolling my eyes more often at those mothers who claim to have breastfed for "a while" and then go on to explain it was 6 weeks! Big whoop!

I'm trying to get control of my feelings when it comes to formula feeders. Not because I think it should be accepted as okay, but because I get myself SO upset about what someone else chooses to do to their own child and I should just be proud of what I've done for my own child and forget them! But, that's off topic.

I think there are judgments made on bf'ers too. Especially those of us who do it for longer then 6months!

Kimberley

Avatar for cl_sunny_side_up
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 11:32pm
Interesting that you don't distinguish between the two. I know I do.....maybe for obvious reasons;)


christine


~christine~

Avatar for kfira71
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 9:07am
Didn't you post a while back that you had been asked to work a help line for BFers who needed support? I'm just curious how you plan to respond to your callers. I suppose since it's over the phone, a mother wouldn't see your "eye rolling," but will you share the same judgements you've made in this current post, or do you only voice them here because it's a debate board? In other words, if you could not convince a mother who had been BFing with difficulty for 8 weeks that she should continue, would you give her the "big whoop" line, as you have here, or would you commend her for the 8 weeks she managed to do and let it go at that?

~Kim

"Becoming a parent means agreeing to allow your heart to go walking around outside of your body."

Avatar for yogamom4
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 9:21am
i am all for breastfeeding and the thought of ff never crossed my mind but for those that do that is also their choice but what gets me is when they don't give the colostrum in the first few days,,thats what gets me,,, my sil ff and didn't give the baby colostrum and he was also a preemie!!

yoga

Vicky ~32~

SAHM  To

Kelsey The Brainiac

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Registered: 07-31-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 11:32am
I would commend her on the 8 weeks and let her know that it does get easier as time goes by. Rarely does a woman simply "fail" at breastfeeding. THey do give up but it isn't my stand to support giving up in any way. If they want advice then I'm guessing it's to continue to bf and not to quit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 1:21pm
Its easy to understand why someone wouldn't even try. Some people just don't want to. Simple as that. Sometimes its fear based (will my child be getting enough?) sometimes its the absense of other close friends or family members who breastfeed. Lots of reasons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 4:32pm
I feel I am better able to understand someone not bfing if they have tried it...with the exception of certain situations that are pre-determined, like chemo or other incompatible drugs. :-)

Fio.

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