"Proud Formula Feeder"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
"Proud Formula Feeder"?
1054
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:27pm

In my playgroup, I've noticed some members have a blinkie I haven't seen before: "Proud Formula Feeder". In the past, I've seen the "Formula Feeding Mom" and "It's formula, not rat poison", but this new one struck me as odd. I can understand simply stating that you formula feed or saying that formula isn't rat poison (because it isn't), but I've been trying to figure out just why someone would be "proud" to FF.

While I don't think that women should necessarily feel guilty about not BF, I don't get what about FF there is to be proud about. Most (or maybe even all) of the women with said blinkie acknowledge that breastmilk is better, so why would they be proud to feed their babies something they know is substandard, even if they couldn't BF and FF was their only choice? What do you ladies think? Is/should there be such a thing as FF pride?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 3:11pm

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Is it the advice you object to, or the ad nauseam repetition? Honestly, I can't really seeing anything wrong with saying to a pregnant women "Nursing's great. It's tough at first, but if you research it you'll find it's so much better for the baby than formula. I'm glad we stuck it out. Call me if you have any questions."

I personally like to "spread the word" so to speak to pregnant family and friends, basically to let them know I'm a source of support if they need it. I remember when I was pregnant, I didn't think too long and hard on breastfeeding. It was just something I would "try." I don't think it would have bothered me to be given a pep talk by a BTDT mom.

Avatar for mrsmichael6300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 3:19pm

>>Had no support system because no one in my family had ever BF, and so depressed, I just had to think about my boy and realize that while "breast might be best" it wasn't best for him....<<

I'm sorry to tell you that this statement is wrong. First, breast is normal, not best. And it's not "might be" normal, it's "is" normal. Breastmilk is still what your children were supposed to receive, regardless of your difficulties, and just because you were having problems does not mean that the formula had no risks to your son and that it was better for him than breastmilk. That's never true.

Did you seek out a lactation expert to solve your problems? Did you know that sleeping through the night is abnormal at only 7 weeks, and that by doing so your son was at an increased risk of SIDS, which was further increased due to the formula? What education and research had you provided yourself in regards to bf'ing?

Why did you formula feed your 2nd child?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 3:20pm

>>Is it the advice you object to, or the ad nauseam repetition? Honestly, I can't really seeing anything wrong with saying to a pregnant women "Nursing's great. It's tough at first, but if you research it you'll find it's so much better for the baby than formula. I'm glad we stuck it out. Call me if you have any questions."<<

As I said before, if she had said something like that, and let it go, it wouldn't have been an issue. The *forcing* of it into any and all conversations we had was somewhat patronizing. I have never cared for proselytizing. Actually she and my brother had both invited me to feel free to ask questions; it was her harping that made me feel uncomfortable with that - she never gave me a chance to do any asking.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 3:24pm

>>Did you seek out a lactation expert to solve your problems? Did you know that sleeping through the night is abnormal at only 7 weeks, and that by doing so your son was at an increased risk of SIDS, which was further increased due to the formula? What education and research had you provided yourself in regards to bf'ing?

Why did you formula feed your 2nd child?<<

Isn't that *exactly* what she said she got tired of having to hear from complete strangers? The 'You didn't try hard enough' mantra?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 3:40pm

Maybe she really didn't. So, more information is being requested.

This is not a "pat your back, of course you are right no matter what you say" board, it's a debate board. Statements need to be backed up. Opinions are never accepted as facts.

If this mother has the backbone to stick around and listen without getting defensive, she may learn valuable info that she can use with her next child or pass on to someone she knows and/or cares about who has the same or a similar issue.

I hope she does. Education and factual knowledge are good things.

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 5:06pm
little condescending are we?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 5:14pm
What exactly constitutes "trying hard enough"? Isn't that kind of subjective (ie opinion)? What is "trying hard enough" to you may not be "trying hard enough" to the next person and vice versa. You say you don't accept opinion as fact, but it seems as though that is a selective rule.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 6:17pm

Where in this sentence does it say, 'you didn't try hard enough'?

"Did you seek out a lactation expert to solve your problems? Did you know that sleeping through the night is abnormal at only 7 weeks, and that by doing so your son was at an increased risk of SIDS, which was further increased due to the formula? What education and research had you provided yourself in regards to bf'ing?"

These are valid questions with no implied meaning. Really. They are merely to be answered. I would assume that someone who initiated bfing actually wanted to succeed. And further, to post on a debate board would want to talk about the subject. These questions are means to determine if help was sought or if bad info was the cause of the end of bfing. How do arrive at 'didn't try hard enough'? If you have a problem you see an expert to solve it.

Debbie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 6:25pm


If we're not allowed to ask for more info on a debate board, then we need to totally ignore any posts of personal experience and only debate hypotheticals.

The other poster said she tried hard enough, but she also said that "breast MIGHT be best" (emphasis added) and that it wasn't best for her son. Both of those show lack of knowledge. Breastmilk would still be *best* for her son, but in her case she apparently was unable to access it.

If she refuses to explore why she had problems, she's not likely to succeed at bfing her future children. And might give erroneous information to other people, based on her own experiences, which could lead to an "inability" to bf on the part of someone who believed her, all because we were too "polite" and "supportive" to question her statements.

Her lack of knowledgeable people to question and request help from do not make formula "best" for her son. Thank goodness it was there, so she didn't have to make up some concoction like the Karo syrup and condensed milk some of us got, but it's still not best, in and of itself.

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 6:43pm
I suppose I am guilty of anticipating. I anticipated that she would come back with her list of attempts to fix the problem. I anticipated that someone else would come back at that with a list of things that if she was "trying hard enough" she would have done. Of course she never said that she *didn't* see an expert, but I think there is a tendancy to say that anything short of success means the woman didn't try hard enough. I suppose I jumped the gun - sorry.
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