"Proud Formula Feeder"?
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| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:27pm |
In my playgroup, I've noticed some members have a blinkie I haven't seen before: "Proud Formula Feeder". In the past, I've seen the "Formula Feeding Mom" and "It's formula, not rat poison", but this new one struck me as odd. I can understand simply stating that you formula feed or saying that formula isn't rat poison (because it isn't), but I've been trying to figure out just why someone would be "proud" to FF.
While I don't think that women should necessarily feel guilty about not BF, I don't get what about FF there is to be proud about. Most (or maybe even all) of the women with said blinkie acknowledge that breastmilk is better, so why would they be proud to feed their babies something they know is substandard, even if they couldn't BF and FF was their only choice? What do you ladies think? Is/should there be such a thing as FF pride?



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I never knew about donor milk however, the more I think about it, the more unfair the lack of knowledge and support I recieved from the hospital was. I was not given much time to make any sort of researched decision (3 days to decide on how I wanted to feed my baby), and I was never told about donor milk. I know that next time I am writing a birth plan to include all the things I need to support a good breast feeding start because the lack of support was not easy. On the other hand, a nurse did try so hard with me however, Kylie's breast aversion (which was quite servere from hour 1) was what made me give in. I never knew there was donor milk and I knew I could not pump in my state (PPD along with the lack of support for breast feeding never helps). Btw, Kylie is a mighty fine girl which does speak more to her general will then to formula being so hot. I hate formula. It is not an easy way to feed your kid and it stinks too. I never would have drank the stuff however, she loved it. No accoutning for taste and can we say stubborn? To this day, if she does not want to do something, my husband and her go into a battle of wills (talk about funny when a 16 month old can get a 31 year old riled).
I hope to have a great breast feeding time with kid number 2 and I will let you all know how it goes...
PS: I will give credit that the women here believe strongly in their convictions on breast feeding however, I will say that there is some speaking down. I am being honest and that is what can get mothers pitted against mothers. Whether it is 1st or 4th, the point is not where formula falls, it is about what the intention of the mother is. When I use to formula feed my child, it was not the question itself, it was the tone. It was the assumption I did not try to breast feed, it was the accusation. It was sutle, but it was there. No one says breast milk is not suprior, but some of us worked so hard to be good mothers, and some months were so exhausting that to have someone question any part of my mothering skills would have caused me to become muderous...especially since I would have loved to have breast feed and could not...and I will never know what breast feeding Kylie would have been like...I think that is punishment enough!
PSS: Btw, because Kylie was not breast feed, she does not know what breasts are. I took off my shirt with her there and she pulled on my bra. I showed her and she thought the whole thing was amazing. She started hitting me in excitement! I said gentle and showed her. Man, she laughed...child is formula fed and thinks breasts are a riot...which just makes the whole thing a gas!
Spud...
" No one says breast milk is not suprior, but some of us worked so hard to be good mothers, and some months were so exhausting that to have someone question any part of my mothering skills would have caused me to become muderous...especially since I would have loved to have breast feed and could not...and I will never know what breast feeding Kylie would have been like...I think that is punishment enough!"
I think it is great that you are going to give breastfeeding a shot with your next child. My DD1 had severe breast aversion, and I never was able to make BF work for us. With DD2 and DD3 bf was went very smoothly because I had the help and education I needed to make it work. I don't anyone here is questioning your mothering skills at all. I would like to think that each of us make the best decisions we can, with the information we have at the time.
Edited 1/3/2007 3:13 pm ET by momof3sprouts
I think it was the WIC comment that mothers should not get formula if they need it. I know that breast milk is free and it would have helped us a lot. We never got assistance however, formula made it much harder on us financially. Some of us cannot breast feed and I would not take assistance away from someone who needed it just because she could not breast feed.
OT: I remember my dog gave up nursing. She was old and tired and would simply walk off while her pups tried to find her, blind and deaf. She had had enough. My Dad had to hand feed each one (never knew what he would have used, I was five at the time). Sometimes nature is cruel. In the wild, her pups would have died and I wonder, is that what happens if a mother wolf is too old and has a litter anyway.
My Dad asked what would have happened to Kylie if she had been born before formula. She most likely would have died if I could not have gotten her to breast feed.
Was that what nature intended? It is a harsh reality. Hopefully my mother would have shown me how...unfortunately I was adopted so my mother was as clueless as me...
Just a thought...I am glad to be given a second chance because I want to however, I am glad that I had the resources to feed Kylie because the alternative does not seem like a road I even want to go down!
Spud...letting my mind wander...
"Was that what nature intended? It is a harsh reality. Hopefully my mother would have shown me how...unfortunately I was adopted so my mother was as clueless as me..."
I was adopted, too. As far as the WIC comment, I can see both sides. I understand the opinion of not providing formula for thoise women who just darn well don't feel like breastfeeding, and I think there is difference between someone who was unable to, for whatever reason, and someone who just thinks the government should pay for her baby's food because she is entitled to have a baby she cannot afford. I think the argument is against people who take advantage of a system because they think they are entitled to do so, not those that need the help because they have found themselves in a particularly difficult spot and need some assistance for the short term.
Thanks for that! It has been a long road for me. I have read a lot on this board and some posts are hard to read. There is nothing harder then overcoming PPD and if it were not for Kylie, I would not be nearly as strong as I am today. There is a lot of assumption on both sides and formula feeding was not easy by far.
I will do whatever it takes to breast feed because I know the other side and even if breast feeding is hard, I know bottle feeding all too well and it is not worth it...
BTW, for those that think Dads need to bond, they do and often you have to push...95% of the time I bottle fed so I know breast feeding will not leave him out as he hardly bottle fed anyway! LOL! In fact, now he has an out and I can assure you he loves his daughter, he does well on the play mode and she adores him!
Spud...
"I think the argument is against people who take advantage of a system because they think they are entitled to do so, not those that need the help because they have found themselves in a particularly difficult spot and need some assistance for the short term."
Thank you. That is *exactly* the point. I don't recall anyone suggesting that WIC not give formula to babies whose moms really can't breastfeed. The problem is with the moms who probably could breastfeed, but instead have that entitlement attitude where they're going to try to get as much as possible for free.
It's a moot point any way because it would be next to impossible to determine who truly can't breastfeed.
RPS
It would be really hard to differentiate between those who could have breastfed but wouldn't and those who couldn't, because any nursing mom who won't breastfeed, can't eventually.
Cathie
If Kylie was born before there was formula she would have either been fed some homemade concoction or straight cow's milk. It probably would have also been during a time when wet nurses were more plentiful. Plus, you probably would have had better support since your mom likely would have BF you, your aunts would have probably breastfed, your friends, etc. That's one of the big things that tends to be forgotten when people talk about it being natural and normal to BF. We're missing out on a few generations of nursing moms from which to draw knowledge and advice from.
-jeanine
Actually, that makes me a feel A LOT better. I said she probably would have died and that bothered me for months. Is it not amazing how such a small comment can make a mother feel low!
Maybe that is what happens. I was fighting so hard to be a good mother. I had never so much as held a baby. Before I gave birth I was nervous about what I would do when they handed her to me...what if I dropped her? That was what was going through my mind. See how little it takes to put a mother on the defensive because I think most mothers are trying to do what they think is best! I do give people the benefit of the doubt!
I wish I had had someone to have shown me or coached me who was close. My friend formula fed, my mother had never breast fed and my MIL had formula fed. I had no one to ask.
Plus, I was never engorged! Why was that? Did my milk never come in?
Spud...
"Maybe that is what happens. I was fighting so hard to be a good mother. I had never so much as held a baby. Before I gave birth I was nervous about what I would do when they handed her to me...what if I dropped her? That was what was going through my mind."
Some of that could have been (or been compounded by) the PPD too. I was an 'experienced' mommy when I had PPD... even when I had my first son I had grown up around babies and he was a *breeze* to bfeed and otherwise care for. When I had my daughter I was *shocked* to find myself terrified whenever I carried her. I just *knew* I was going to hit her head against the wall and kill her.... not just 'hurt' her... kill her! I couldn't shake the thoughts even though my rational mind kept yelling "You did this before and did just fine!!"
I'm kind of thinking I'm in for PPD again with this one (#4... #3 was another boy and another breeze... I hear girls can up you PPD odds )... I'm just halfway through and already I feel 'different'. I'm just more 'out of wack' than I remember being before. I keep wondering if I was like this with my DD before and don't remember it cause I wasn't on the defense for PPD. Anyway... like you seem to be I'm definately going to make sure I'm 'well armed' for another rough round! Always best to be prepared!
Kristy
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