We know better

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
We know better
64
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 10:04am

Yet another mother who tried desperately to breastfeed, had troubles and eventually quit.  Twice ~ with her first child and again with her second child.  Is anyone in a position to say yet again this is another mom who didn't try hard enough, and we know better?

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/the-purple-fig/women-struggling-to-breastfeed_b_2820088.html ("Breastfeeding Sucks")

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 2:31pm

Sweden , a country  with one of the highest rates in breastfeeding in the indsutral countries  ( aparently 95% the first 3 months).  The reason we dont  go for formula or see it as choice is because that is the way we are brought up.  We dont know any better, we dont know we should have a choice instead we do as nature intended nor do we get  flyers with cupon or test portions of  formula and also it is called milk replacement here maybe the word makes us think twice.

Here is an Americans womans view on  us Swedes and breastfeeding.

http://survivinglifeinsweden.blogspot.se/2011/01/breastfeeding-in-sweden.html

 Should say, yes in larger cities people stops  at 6 months but most  keep breastfeeding until they are 8- 12 months. It is due to the paid materinty leave we.  I havent found a lacavist outside our Capitol,  they are more international then the rest of us, most of us dont care about breasfeeding mums in public.

I been breastfeeding my little rugrat for 10 months now, on busses, at resturants, in stores, doesnt matter no one cares because it is normal here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 2:41pm

This article is like so many others I've read over the years. Woman has dreams of nursing contendedly from the time Little Bebe comes out until {whenever, I'll save the XBF for another debate}. Woman actually gives birth, then finds out nursing is not as easy as the Internet said it would be. Woman thinks she's {insert problem here} because Little Bebe is not acting like she thinks a newborn should. Woman has told the LC/Nurse ahead of time that she wanted to BF, and LC/Nurse is doing what she thinks Woman wants her to do. Which is not to give up at the first sign of trouble, because in MOST instances, these issues can be resolved so that mom can get what she wanted for her baby. In this story, the Woman has hired three different LCs.  This tells me she did not want to give up. Her path stayed difficult, unfortunately, and she was at the end of her rope. That is unfortunate.

In walks some woman who says what she wants to hear, which is "It's OK to give up." (in this case, she doesn't even say who this woman is. A nurse? Someone who walked into the wrong room? A formula rep? Who knows? We can only infer based on our own bias.) Woman does, and from then on she feels defensive around the very people who only wanted to help her based on what she told them! I don't see anywhere in this story where she felt like she had to hide to bottle-feed her little bebe. I read it 3 times, and I only see a hyperbolic reference to that unidentified woman who said she would bring a "secret stash" of formula to the Woman. Seriously, if she had just come out and said "I've changed my mind, I would like some formula please," does anyone believe that any hospital employee would have said "No"? Or maybe given her the Pointed Finger of Shame?

Do I think this woman didn't try hard enough? I don't know, because I don't know her personally. I believe her when she implies that she was ready to snap. I know that feeling exactly. My firstborn had an improper latch and it took weeks to correct it. I didn't give up or give in, even though there were plenty of people who told me that it was OK to give him formula. It was OK to give up, formula wasn't poison, it would be fine, I should stop being a martyr...Hey! I could write my own article about how guilty those people made ME feel! /snark

So; my first born not only didn't starve, he's now a 95-lb 3rd grader. After we got the hang of breastfeeding it all worked out just fine. My 2nd baby seemed to have read a manual in utero, because she latched on like it was her job (I guess it WAS her job) and got it right from the get-go. I guess I knew what to expect, so I helped her latch on, making it easier on me. It's not easy with the first, and sometimes the 2nd doesn't turn out the way you may hope. I had my own stubborn attitude and absolute determination that my kids would never have a drop of formula, and that got me through. That's me, though. I tried hard enough for ME. This woman tried hard enough for HER. As Bordwithyou said, it's her baby, her boobs. I'm sure Little Bebe is thriving and healthy and all those happy things.

I dislike when a story about ONE woman's experience becomes "See? You militant boob-mongers are just mean. She had to HIDE to feed her BABY!" @@ Unless there was a note in the comment section, which I make a point not to read in these articles, there was no mention of her having to hide from the hospital employees.

Kevali


 Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 2:52pm

Nisupulla wrote: 

Maybe MissTrygg will chime in, but you clearly read what she wrote differently than I did.

To paraphrase, I read that she lives in a country where you have to be successfully feeding the baby before you leave the hospital. If you are breastfeeding, you have the support you need. When there are breastfeeding challenges the first option is not to try formula, that is the last option. If you are formula feeding, it is not presented as an equivalent choice, it is presented as a breastmilk substitute.

Nothing is mentioned about third party judgments, formula needing to be hidden, or anything along those lines. You inferred them, maybe she impled them. Either way, they are not written on the page.

I didn't say anything about formula needing to be hidden, and I didn't use the word "judgment," so I have no idea what you're talking about there.

Here are the words that were "written on the page" by Misstrygg: "I live in a country here we arent allowed to leave hospital until we have one successful nursing or found out why we can't."   (emphasis added by me)

The only thing I inferred was that there was a "third party" involved who allows mothers to leave the hospital only if they successfully nurse or have a reason why they can't successfully nurse.  Do you think there is no third party involved?  If not, who's allowing or not allowing people to leave depending on whether they've successfully nursed? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 3:44pm

>>The only thing I inferred was that there was a "third party" involved who allows mothers to leave the hospital only if they successfully nurse or have a reason why they can't successfully nurse.  Do you think there is no third party involved?  If not, who's allowing or not allowing people to leave depending on whether they've successfully nursed?<<

It sounds to me that you are committed to your belief in the Big Meannie who goes from mom to mom judging whether she has tried hard enough. I don't believe the Big Meannie exists.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 4:16pm

Nisupulla wrote: It sounds to me that you are committed to your belief in the Big Meannie who goes from mom to mom judging whether she has tried hard enough. I don't believe the Big Meannie exists.

It sounds like you are very committed to making every debate about whether Big Meannies exist.   That's an interesting debate, for sure, but it's not the topic I've been discussing in this thread.

I was discussing Misstrygg's statement that she was happy to live in a place where women are not "allowed" to leave unless they either succesfully nurse or they have a reason why they "can't" nurse.  I said I was happy to not be in such a place.  It's fundamentally a debate about a specific hospital policy.  Arguments could be made for it or against it.  Want to make any of them? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 7:00pm

I've already said that it is a good policy not to let breastfeeding women out of the hospital until they are breastfeeding reasonably well.

Your position is different? Or do we agree that it is a good policy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 7:15pm

I believe it is a bad policy to say that women are not "allowed" to leave the hospital unless they successfully nurse or have a reason why they "can't."

I believe would be a good policy to say that a hospital be required to allow a woman--who wishes to--to stay in the hospital until she successfully nurses or has a reason why she can't. 

Those are different things, and the policy Misstrygg described was the first. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 7:56pm
I don't think my milk was in with either kid when I left the hospital. They were both good sucky babies. But nursing was vastly different once the milk came in. I had a nurse do a home visit as part of my insurance about five says after birth. I found that really reassuring.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 8:49pm

I think you are reading what you want to see in MissTrygg's post, not what is acutally there. Her post did not imply that mothers are forced to stay at the hospital until some third party allows them to go home. That is just your interpretation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 10:36pm

Nisupulla wrote: I think you are reading what you want to see in MissTrygg's post, not what is acutally there. Her post did not imply that mothers are forced to stay at the hospital until some third party allows them to go home. That is just your interpretation.

Misstrygg said, "we arent allowed to leave hospital until we have one successful nursing or found out why we can't."

I described the policy as follows:

"at least I can be happy that I live in a country where I am 'allowed' to decide not to use my own breasts to feed my baby without having to demonstrate to some third party why I 'can't.' 

and later

"women are not 'allowed' to leave the hospital unless they successfully nurse or have a reason why they 'can't.'"

For the most part, that's quotation, not interpretation. 

The "third party" part was interpretation; I asked if you had an alternative interpretation earlier, but you didn't respond.

Pages