What does your SO think of your choice? Does his (or her) opinion count?

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
What does your SO think of your choice? Does his (or her) opinion count?
8
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 6:08pm

You and your baby are not the only ones affected by your decision to breastfeed or formula-feed -- your husband or partner is too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
My DH and I where in 100% agreement both before and after the birth of our child about BF'ing and about doing it as long as our child showed interest (i.e. CLW). I was fortunate to have a husband who shared my views on the importance of BF'ing as well as being supportive of ext. BF'ing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
My husband was always for breastfeeding, but in some of our struggles, didn't understand why I was so against formula. Even now, he doesn't understand why I get so upset about it. To him, breast is best, and formula is acceptable. Yeah, we used some, but every bottle of it broke my heart a little. And the day DS was on a nursing strike so he fixed a bottle (even though there was EBM in the fridge) and told DS that he had the good stuff, I lost it. He won't make that mistake again...

But he's never been anything but supportive when I mention CLW, and he's told his non-supportive family that we're following DS's leads on this.
by sara photo sigbysara.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
My husband is very proud of me for breastfeeding my children, and was my original and only real continued source of support for it. He's the one who planted the seed in my mind long before we were even married, when breastfeeding was something that hadn't even occurred to me, both because of my young age and lack of experience, as well as my background which was not a breastfeeding one. He would have supported any decision I made with regard to infant feeding, but he would not have been equally happy about all of them. I do think a spouse or significant other's opinion matters, very much so. It should not be the deciding factor, and a woman should never have to feel forced to do something because it's what her spouse or SO wants, but that person's opinion should be carefully considered. I believe that's part of healthy, effective co-parenting.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008

My husband was very supportive. From this, I do often think that fathers need to be fully informed not just on breastfeeding itself, but how to best support the mother of their child to breastfeed. I have seen cases, where a husband may think he is being supportive, but in fact is insisting on practices that make it difficult for the mother. eg insisting the mother gets up in the middle of the night and sits up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
My DH was very supportive and pro-bf through early toddlerhood. He was very clear with the nurses at the hospital that our children were to have zero formula and was equally emphatic with family. Around the time my DD turned two and continuing until I had my DS, he was actively trying to get me to wean her. When DS was born and he gained weight rapidly early on, whereas DD had been slow to gain, he was OK with tandem to help DD through the transition to big sister. After the first few months he was again actively encouraging me to wean her. We finally agreed to a timetable when I started to have a physical reaction to DD nursing, but she weaned herself at 4, a few months before we were going to take the lead. I know he wants DS to wean earlier but he's way higher needs so we'll see...
Anyway, his opinion counted but I also took great pains to educate him when it was clear his opinion was based on myths about normalcy. We took a bf class that really made the importance of the first year clear, and that helped because he is the type who listens when an MD says nipple confusion is real. But after that it was up to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
teresagem wrote:

My husband was very supportive. From this, I do often think that fathers need to be fully informed not just on breastfeeding itself, but how to best support the mother of their child to breastfeed. I have seen cases, where a husband may think he is being supportive, but in fact is insisting on practices that make it difficult for the mother. eg insisting the mother gets up in the middle of the night and sits up

by sara photo sigbysara.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
cavenyee wrote:


I think you hit the nail on the head, Teresa. It's one thing to support; it's another thing to know how to support. I remember crying while pumping one day early on when I still couldn't get DS to latch at all, and DH telling me that I should get help if I kept having these feelings. I really just needed him to walk with the screaming baby I was pumping for, not try to convince me I had PPD. I was frustrated, not depressed.

My husband was truly great with soothing little babies - he has a knack for it. For those times when the baby really was perhaps overtired, not hungry, but if they were with me, they would squirm, not eat, but not settle either. He would have them asleep within five minutes.

I must admit that he's very vocal about the fact that we co-sleep and how much easier that's made our life. He sings the praises of breastfeeding and keeps telling his family that we aren't taking away something that comforts DS. We'll see if he still feels the same in another year. For now, he says he's ok with CLW.

We always had the baby in the same room, until they were more than a year, and often, the baby would end up co-sleeping for part of the night. My husband was quite happy with this arrangement. In fact, he slept lighter than I did, especially when I was sleep-deprived. He would, at times, wake up, change the diaper, put the baby beside me to feed, and so on. Of course, this way, meant that the baby was fed propmtly and did not get to the point of crying for food. Teething was a different story of course.

As for CLW, I did not know about that as an idea, but with our youngest, because of his allergies, I just kept breastfeeding until he weaned himself. My husband was supportive of this, although, like me, it was not something that we openly advertised to others. His parents knew and were approving, that's about it.

Teresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
teresagem wrote:
cavenyee wrote:


I think you hit the nail on the head, Teresa. It's one thing to support; it's another thing to know how to support. I remember crying while pumping one day early on when I still couldn't get DS to latch at all, and DH telling me that I should get help if I kept having these feelings. I really just needed him to walk with the screaming baby I was pumping for, not try to convince me I had PPD. I was frustrated, not depressed.

My husband was truly great with soothing little babies - he has a knack for it. For those times when the baby really was perhaps overtired, not hungry, but if they were with me, they would squirm, not eat, but not settle either. He would have them asleep within five minutes.

Soothing is not something DH is good with. Even now, he doesn't know how to help a crying baby. He gets too frustrated.


I must admit that he's very vocal about the fact that we co-sleep and how much easier that's made our life. He sings the praises of breastfeeding and keeps telling his family that we aren't taking away something that comforts DS. We'll see if he still feels the same in another year. For now, he says he's ok with CLW.

We always had the baby in the same room, until they were more than a year, and often, the baby would end up co-sleeping for part of the night. My husband was quite happy with this arrangement. In fact, he slept lighter than I did, especially when I was sleep-deprived. He would, at times, wake up, change the diaper, put the baby beside me to feed, and so on. Of course, this way, meant that the baby was fed propmtly and did not get to the point of crying for food. Teething was a different story of course.

That's impressive! DH only wakes up if he gets kicked in the face now. I also can't remember the last diaper he changed. (Man, that makes him sound really lazy...he does take DS outside a lot).

As for CLW, I did not know about that as an idea, but with our youngest, because of his allergies, I just kept breastfeeding until he weaned himself. My husband was supportive of this, although, like me, it was not something that we openly advertised to others. His parents knew and were approving, that's about it.

My parents know our plans, and maybe not approve, but know enough to keep their mouths shut. My MIL accused me of being selfish for breastfeeding in the very beginning, and was already asking when I planned to wean when DS was 2 weeks old. She finally agreed that DS didn't "have" to spend the night with her until he's weaned, so she may be in for a surprise...

Teresa

by sara photo sigbysara.jpg