What Makes The Difference?

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
What Makes The Difference?
10
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 3:33pm

From: ugc - Breastfeeding and Parenting . . . in Real Life

What is it that makes one mother work so hard to breastfeed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 4:59pm

People can be very different, can't they. In so many things, you see people battle all sorts of odds, with a smile on their face. And others give up. I recently read statistics which said how a really huge proportion of US soldiers who had become amputees due to wars in the Middle East declare how much life is worth living. An inbuilt mental attitude is important.

Different end of life to a newborn breastfeeding, but here in Australia, some years ago, there was an older woman in the media, pushing very hard for her 'right to die' due to her alleged painful terminal cancer. She ended up somehow, with her children present, getting a fatal overdose of morphine or some other painkiller, under the guise of palliative care. An autopsy was carried out and found no sign of any cancer anywhere in her body. Makes you wonder why she gave up on her own life, along with her children.

I wonder what the generation growing up now will be like. There is a proportion of the children in that generation who are given so much of everything in the way of material goods by their parents, that it stuns me. The latest in everything possible. It does not seem to make them any happier, rather, those particular children seem to have a sense of entitlement, and a feeling that if it is notfun/enjoyable/in the moment, then don't do it. I wonder how those girls will perceive motherhood in general as well as breastfeeding? I am not painting all parents these days and all children with the same brush here, but it is something that is prevalent all the same.

Especially given the learning curve for breastfeeding, and how many of us know the first weeks can be the most difficult, and the rewards are often later.

Teresa

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 5:57pm

I wonder if the difference would be what keeps you alive in the midst of a disaster (i.e. pinned under a collapsed house for days, trapped in a snowbound car for weeks). Might not be the same thing, but something keeps us going where others might have given up and died.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 2:29pm

Wow, I thought that article was awful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 5:23pm
jessica765 wrote:

Wow, I thought that article was awful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 9:50pm
jessica765 wrote:

Wow, I thought that article was awful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 9:20am
I do think that attitude & education make a difference. I was going to breast feed my babies, barring some huge physiological malfunction. About three months into it I ran into a friend. I asked her about breast feeding, how it was going. - we'd had our babies about a week apart, and she left the hospital as a bread feeding Mom. She told me she was in the process of weaning entirely because breast feeding was so awful. When I asked her what was wrong, it was all about interrupted sleep (check), smelling like milk all the time during the first weeks (check), leaking all over her ubergarnents(check), days when the kid wanted to do nothing but nurse (check), yeast infections/thrush (check), and finally mastitis (check). Basically, we'd had the same experience, but while I checked off each unpleasantness as a temporary bump, for her it was all part of the nightmare of breast feeding from which she could not wait to awaken. I could relate because for me, pregnancy wasn't ever magical. I never got the glow, was sick all the time, hated all the physical changes, etc. other women going through the same thing considered it magical.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 6:36pm

I never got morning sickness apart from once I was nauseous with my second child when I had not eaten breakfast straight away. But I can still relate about feeling awful in pregnancy. I felt yucky the whole time, whereas apart from early difficulties, I felt good while breastfeeding.

I suppose one of the differences is that if you want a baby, you can't just decide to 'wean' from pregnancy half way through, because you don't like it much. But with breastfeeding, the option of weaning is very easy to do, if you decide you are sick of any negatives you encounter.

I too have met women who weaned for issues I had encountered but worked through.

Teresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 10:32am

bordwithyou wrote:
I do think that attitude & education make a difference. I was going to breast feed my babies, barring some huge physiological malfunction. About three months into it I ran into a friend. I asked her about breast feeding, how it was going. - we'd had our babies about a week apart, and she left the hospital as a bread feeding Mom. She told me she was in the process of weaning entirely because breast feeding was so awful. When I asked her what was wrong, it was all about interrupted sleep (check), smelling like milk all the time during the first weeks (check), leaking all over her ubergarnents(check), days when the kid wanted to do nothing but nurse (check), yeast infections/thrush (check), and finally mastitis (check). Basically, we'd had the same experience, but while I checked off each unpleasantness as a temporary bump, for her it was all part of the nightmare of breast feeding from which she could not wait to awaken. I could relate because for me, pregnancy wasn't ever magical. I never got the glow, was sick all the time, hated all the physical changes, etc. other women going through the same thing considered it magical.

Yes, I think a lot of it probably comes down to whether the mom is inherently inclined to like and value

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 7:47pm
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Well, it's always possible that you have dysphoric milk ejection reflex disorder. It's rare but not unheard of. But I think it's more likely that maybe your expectations were unrealistic? I have nursed for very close to four years straight now (tandem nursing for 13 months as of today :-) ) and I have yet to feel what you would describe as a "magical bond," either. It was more that I enjoy the time and closeness it has given me with my kids. Sure, nowadays I would prefer that my almost-four-year-old be done, and nursing her is rarely an enjoyable experience for me. Probably because her suck is light and fluttering (she's not nursing for sustenance) as a consequence of nursing through my pregnancy with my son, and it drives me crazy.

I didn't enjoy nursing my daughter nearly as much as I've enjoyed nursing my son, I think. If I had to hazard a guess as to why, it's probably a combination of first-mom syndrome and the problems I had nursing my son at first. With my daughter, I overthought it probably way too much. I was always stressed-out that she was getting enough. Then she had weight gain issues and bf (and worrying I wasn't giving her enough) caused a lot of stress for me. By comparison, my son did not nurse well for the first few weeks, so I mostly EP during that time. Getting him back to the breast was such a relief and a pleasure for me that I have reveled in it much more than I did with my daughter. Now that I know what the alternative is, I have a much greater appreciation for the simplicity of nursing a baby whenever, wherever.




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Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 12:01am
jessica765 wrote:

Wow, I thought that article was awful.

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