I'm sure my attitude is influenced by my life, respect and admiration for my mom. She had it really rough in my early childhood years and always did her best. Your mom sounds more in the category of my skids mom, and I wouldn't have encouraged her to bf'd when she didn't want to because the risk related to her "impulse control" (as someone else put it) problems might have gone up.
"But if she told me she hated the feeling of bf'ing, she miserable every time she bf'd, and I could tell her now what I think even knowing what I know, I'd tell her not to be miserable and ff'ing was okay. I wouldn't want my mom to hate feeding me and since bf'ing is so personal, I'd consider that a personal choice on her part. If pumping was an option for her, I'd probably tell her that is better than formula."
Like I said, it's not that my mom's happiness doesn't matter to me.
I don't think that she would have harmed me, if forced to continue nursing. She wasn't that kind of mother. I don't know how long she might have nursed me - 3-6 weeks, maybe not at all? She seems to have no true memories of our childhood and contradicts herself constantly. I often
No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...
Personally I would not equate choose formula for my infant as abandoning my unruly teenager. If that analogy works for you, okay, it doesn't ring true to me.
>>>It's nice on the one hand that you'd be so quick to let your mom 'off the hook' so to speak, but while we are playing the what-if game, what if you had been severely allergic to formula and had a terrible reaction that left you brain damaged?<<<<
You'll have to find a link or something for me to read up on formula leading to brain damage.
>>>>Would her happiness be so important under those conditions, or would you want her to bf even though she was 'unhappy' to spare you irreparable damage? Extreme example, but I think it's easy to say 'ffing is okay' if you lucked out ;) If you weren't so lucky, would it still be "okay"?<<<<
Well as I said earlier, I have an immune disorder that can be helped by having been bf'd and no this does not change my answer. I take over $3k of medications every month and if I went without, I'd become seriously disabled in short order. My mom has the same disorder (she is seriously and permanently disabled even with the medications) and she was bf'd. I fully believe my disease was triggered by stressful events during my first marriage, which I do not attribute to having been ff'd as an infant. I couldn't tell you if I lucked out or not due to formula. Based on genes, environment and infant feeding, the first two were much larger factors IMHO. Even when I do play the what-if game I usually end up with a list of blessings I can count and not at all in blame mode.
No I wasn't trying to say your mom has the same impulse control problems as my skids mom - just that it sounds like she fits into the same broad category of "mom's that leave a lot to be desired" or something like that. Mom's you can see a child "not feeling the love" from.
I had the "ick factor," but I had to get over it, and I did many years ago. I had the ick factor with people touching me (I mean anyone, and I mean any kind of touching beyond a handshake).
But the years passed, and I had to go through high school friends who wanted to hug me, nephews who wanted to cuddle with me, boyfriends who wanted to kiss me, and boyfriends who wanted to do what?!?!? with me and I got over it.
Then I met my husband, who reveres breasts beyond all other female anatomy (besides the obvious). I swear if he could get down on his knees and worship them in a religious ceremony, he would. I have never understood this male fascination with breasts (and particularly my DH's fascination with mine), but it's even more pronounced now that I am providing the nutrition for his daughter with them.
So now I've got two people who think my breasts are the greatest.thing.ever. So when Elizabeth was taking a nap while nursing in my lap last night (the only place she'll nap in the late afternoon/early evening), and I discovered that she had been sucking but not swallowing and had drooled milk all over my bra and down my belly, I wiped off the worst of it with a towel and moved on. Meh.
"Or the getting up in the night, or off the computer or stopping sex because the baby needs something."
Now, sex is one scenario in which I will let the baby wait a little bit (if she's not in urgent need of care, of course!). We did this morning and thankfully she went back to sleep after babbling for a few seconds.
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Oh sorry :(
I'm sure my attitude is influenced by my life, respect and admiration for my mom. She had it really rough in my early childhood years and always did her best. Your mom sounds more in the category of my skids mom, and I wouldn't have encouraged her to bf'd when she didn't want to because the risk related to her "impulse control" (as someone else put it) problems might have gone up.
Malcolm Gladwell Blink
"But if she told me she hated the feeling of bf'ing, she miserable every time she bf'd, and I could tell her now what I think even knowing what I know, I'd tell her not to be miserable and ff'ing was okay. I wouldn't want my mom to hate feeding me and since bf'ing is so personal, I'd consider that a personal choice on her part. If pumping was an option for her, I'd probably tell her that is better than formula."
Like I said, it's not that my mom's happiness doesn't matter to me.
<>
I don't think that she would have harmed me, if forced to continue nursing. She wasn't that kind of mother. I don't know how long she might have nursed me - 3-6 weeks, maybe not at all? She seems to have no true memories of our childhood and contradicts herself constantly. I often
~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.
<<Are you my long-lost sister, Catherine? ;O)>>
Maybe? Did you feel abandoned at birth? ;)
~*~ Catherine, "Internet Research Specialist" ;)
No matter what decision you make in your life, or your child's life - there will always be someone just waiting to tell you what a stupid idiot you are for doing so...
Some of my blogs:Life Begins... (miscarriage)
Frugal Baby Tips
Frugal Freebies
Pregnancy Stories By Age - 43-56+yrs old!
You Can Get Pregnant in Your 40's
~*~ Catherine, mom to three grown men - Jason, Michael & Joshua and Granma to Christopher & Leia.
Personally I would not equate choose formula for my infant as abandoning my unruly teenager. If that analogy works for you, okay, it doesn't ring true to me.
>>>It's nice on the one hand that you'd be so quick to let your mom 'off the hook' so to speak, but while we are playing the what-if game, what if you had been severely allergic to formula and had a terrible reaction that left you brain damaged?<<<<
You'll have to find a link or something for me to read up on formula leading to brain damage.
>>>>Would her happiness be so important under those conditions, or would you want her to bf even though she was 'unhappy' to spare you irreparable damage? Extreme example, but I think it's easy to say 'ffing is okay' if you lucked out ;) If you weren't so lucky, would it still be "okay"?<<<<
Well as I said earlier, I have an immune disorder that can be helped by having been bf'd and no this does not change my answer. I take over $3k of medications every month and if I went without, I'd become seriously disabled in short order. My mom has the same disorder (she is seriously and permanently disabled even with the medications) and she was bf'd. I fully believe my disease was triggered by stressful events during my first marriage, which I do not attribute to having been ff'd as an infant. I couldn't tell you if I lucked out or not due to formula. Based on genes, environment and infant feeding, the first two were much larger factors IMHO. Even when I do play the what-if game I usually end up with a list of blessings I can count and not at all in blame mode.
Malcolm Gladwell Blink
As for pain, cracking, blisters, etc, that's pretty commonly experienced
Malcolm Gladwell Blink
I had the "ick factor," but I had to get over it, and I did many years ago. I had the ick factor with people touching me (I mean anyone, and I mean any kind of touching beyond a handshake).
But the years passed, and I had to go through high school friends who wanted to hug me, nephews who wanted to cuddle with me, boyfriends who wanted to kiss me, and boyfriends who wanted to do what?!?!? with me and I got over it.
Then I met my husband, who reveres breasts beyond all other female anatomy (besides the obvious). I swear if he could get down on his knees and worship them in a religious ceremony, he would. I have never understood this male fascination with breasts (and particularly my DH's fascination with mine), but it's even more pronounced now that I am providing the nutrition for his daughter with them.
So now I've got two people who think my breasts are the greatest.thing.ever. So when Elizabeth was taking a nap while nursing in my lap last night (the only place she'll nap in the late afternoon/early evening), and I discovered that she had been sucking but not swallowing and had drooled milk all over my bra and down my belly, I wiped off the worst of it with a towel and moved on. Meh.
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"Or the getting up in the night, or off the computer or stopping sex because the baby needs something."
Now, sex is one scenario in which I will let the baby wait a little bit (if she's not in urgent need of care, of course!). We did this morning and thankfully she went back to sleep after babbling for a few seconds.
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Thanks to Heather (blessedmom0508) for the beautiful signatures!
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