A vent I guess you could say...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
A vent I guess you could say...
7
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 3:10pm
I am a soon to be mother of four! All of my children have been breastfed for Atleast 6 months and then I pumped for Atleast a following of 3 months. Which many times I wish I didn't stop nursing but things in my life due to my first husband being abusive and my second not supporting me like he should has cause me to give up.. On that note my first two DS's are from my first marriage where I was in a bad spot and my 3rd son is from my new marriage where my husband and his family are not supporting and often question me on why I choose to breast-feed and now that were pregnant again my husband has said to me I don't want you to breast-feed unless you will pump so I can feed the baby too... I prefer to only use the breast for the first 6 months and I don't understand why he has to fight me on this! Our son Ethan was nursed until 6 months with not bottle and the only reason it got added at six months is because I developed a really bad infection in my left breast and could not nurse him on that side, they finally try to see if it was staph they cut into my breast and I started having trouble with my nipple being invert which sucked because it wasn't staph at all they never figured out what it was and no one has still been able to explain what happened but now I'm stuck with a nipple that is invert and one not but I will over come it that's for sure because I will nurse this baby as well even though my husband will complain! But I'm sure his complaining due to the fact that his mom nor grandmother nursed and nor does his sister who believes nursing is was stupid and she says that she has heard to many stories about how bad it hurts to even attempt!!! Trust me I've had my words with her about that lol but I'm starting to believe that his families bad thoughts on it is why he doesn't want me to nurse and it bugs the crap out of me that he would let their opinion be that importnant but then again his family does have alot of imput on our life which I hate that has almost lead us to a divorce!!! I dont know what Im really looking for here maybe just a vent and some imput on how I should deal with all this I mean DH even gets upset when I nurse in public so I dont know how I'm gonna make through thus again with him! I've done the it's cheaper to nurse and better to nurse and it's my body my baby speech as well nothing has worked so far! Thanks you listening Any comments welcome
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 4:16pm

First off I want to say I'm sorry for the difficult situation you are in.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 5:55pm
First question-With Ethan he complained the whole time he was homa and would get upset that we had to take him every where and things like that.. So yes he fought me the whole time but also he deployed when Ethan was 3 months old so there wasn't much he could say after 3 months! Lol

Second- he doesn't care! he really doesn't believe breast is better he says they all were on formula and his sister kids were and their is nothing wrong with them! So I normally just walk away or stop talking about it with him..

Third-- she's a whimp pain meds and a epi all the way lol Me on the other hand laid in labor for 26 hours no pain meds no nothing with my first until complication happened and had to be rushed to a csection :( and my 2nd and 3rd were sections as well but I refuse pain meds after I leave the hospital!!! Oh and she will rant and cry while her milk dries up I laugh and say u know if you nurse for a few week then let it dry it won't hurt as bad or pump alittle each day it wknt hurt as bad and she gets mad and says I'm not breadtfeeding kami drop it lol like it's gonna kill her!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 9:07am

Have you tried going to an easy to read information site like kellymom, or other sites, that list all the good reasons to breastfeed. Print it out and just leave him to read it.

Also tell him, formula may do for other children, but it is not good enough for 'our children'.

As well as that, have some other printed information about other ways to bond.

Teresa

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 10:37am

welcome

Welcome to the debate board. It's wonderful to see you posting here and I hope that you will stick around and post more often.

Congrats on your pregnancy! When you were pumping, how often did your husband actually feed the baby? Would he feed more often if you started pumping earlier?

Sometimes men make a big deal about something beforehand, but fail to follow thru when it comes to them actually having to do anything about it. Is this what he is like, or does your experience say that it will be a constant battle once the baby is here?

To be honest, if I was in that situation I would either pump a bottle occasionally and hand him the baby and the bottle - or even give him a small bottle of formula if the baby could tolerate it.

Unless your husband wants to feed the baby himself constantly, giving the occasional bottle after the first 6 weeks or so is usually OK for most babies.

Another thought is to try and get his mom and grandmother on your side, if they are open to learning more about BFing. Take them with you to a LLL meeting, so they can meet other moms who are BFing.

Making some friends with other moms who BF, and getting together with them and their husbands socially might help sway your husband too - when he meets other fathers who are comfortable with BFing.

Keep coming back and let us know what works for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 8:02am

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 2:31pm

Sounds like you are up against some tough obstacles.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 1:07am

You have the patients of Job.