Marriage or Baby: Which Comes First?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Marriage or Baby: Which Comes First?
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Thu, 02-28-2013 - 12:46pm

Giuliana Rancic and her husband Bill worked really hard to have a baby. After she underwent a double lumpectomy and double mastectomy and failed to conceive on her own, the couple decided to bring in a surrogate and have their child through a gestational carrier. The plan worked, and the Rancics welcomed baby Edward Duke into the world in late August.

The obstacles that Rancic, 37, and her husband had to overcome would be hard on any marriage, but the E! News host says they made it through the trying time because they're "best friends." They'd have to be, because it requires a strong love to go through everything they did.

Still, Rancic is drawing some heat for telling Us Weekly that she and Bill put their marriage before their child. As she explains, "We're husband and wife, but we're also best friends, and it's funny because a lot of people, when they have kids, they put the baby first, and the marriage second. That works for some people. For us, I find, we put our marriage first and our child second, because the best thing we can do for him is have a strong marriage."

http://www.ivillage.com/giuliana-rancic-puts-marriage-baby-and-thats-okay/1-a-524561

What do you think of her comment?  Do you agree?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 3:56pm

 I do agree.

  Of course sometimes kids needs do take importance.  But that is generally temporary where a marriage (hopefully) is not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 5:04pm

Of course. The marriage is the primary relationship. This doesn't mean that the kids won't sometimes be first priority. For example, you have a date scheduled with your DH, but a kid is sick or has a crisis of some kind, or, for a more mundane example, your DH wants sex, but your infant is howling for milk. ;)

Parents who put their kids first all the time end up with entitled, insecure kids and very little in common when the kids leave the nest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Sun, 03-03-2013 - 9:28pm

In theory it sounds perfect. You have to have a healthy marriage to have a healthy family. But some people put their relationship first at the expense of the children and I don't agree with that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 1:01am

I think it's a little different when your DH is your kids' step dad. My marriage is very important, but my DD will always come first if there were to ever be any conflict of interest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 7:04am

Age,

I think it should be the same even in a relationship where both parents are the biological parents, depending on what the conflict might be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 7:16am

Why would it be?

My stepdaughter is as important as  the bio kid, how ever  to me and my husband our realationship has to work or we cant  put focus on the children.  I wouldnt say  the marriage comes first  nor second and the same as the children, it more of a  circle.  If one work the other works too.    Yes putting all focus on one thing only will not work,  it has to be a balance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 8:12am
I don't think a Hollywood couple is an accurate snapshot of marriage, But to take her comment on face value husbands and wives that can strike that right balance b/w satisfying their couple needs and wants and that of their children are doing it right. Life is all about give and take and no two dynamics are alike.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 8:21am
What do you do when children don't like the bf/gf or step parent? Curious, b/c it sounds like it could lead to a conflict that ends up on a Dr.Phil episode.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 9:10am

Hi there.  Yes I very much agree that working on the marriage comes first.  That is what the bible says because it is the foundation for the kids.  When the marriage unravels alot of things can become a source of instability for the children.  The only time for divorce is really when there is severe issues such as violence or infidelity.

sweets35
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 9:10am

Hi there.  Yes I very much agree that working on the marriage comes first.  That is what the bible says because it is the foundation for the kids.  When the marriage unravels alot of things can become a source of instability for the children.  The only time for divorce is really when there is severe issues such as violence or infidelity.

sweets35

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