Okay to Fight in Front of Your Kids?

Avatar for cmkristy
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Registered: 07-05-2005
Okay to Fight in Front of Your Kids?
5
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 8:39am

Every couple with kids has faced the predicament: Should you fight in front of your children?

Most parents know to take their fights elsewhere — at least that’s what conventional wisdom has dictated. But new research suggests the answer is slightly more complicated.

Some child psychologists told the Wall Street Journal it’s okay to argue in front of the kids — but only if both parents are doing it in a healthy way. That means with respect, and without any name calling or hurling insults.

http://www.today.com/moms/should-you-fight-front-your-kids-experts-say-maybe-4B11247074

What do you think?  Is it ever okay to argue in front of your kids? 

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Registered: 01-23-2003
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 11:25am
If you can argue without screaming, violence, name calling, and are not discussing something of a mature nature or something personal, and it's not something the child is going to internalize and think it's their fault, then I would say it's OK to argue. If you can show kids that you can argue productively, they might not be so quick to resort to violence and social media harassment themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2003
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 11:25am
If you can argue without screaming, violence, name calling, and are not discussing something of a mature nature or something personal, and it's not something the child is going to internalize and think it's their fault, then I would say it's OK to argue. If you can show kids that you can argue productively, they might not be so quick to resort to violence and social media harassment themselves.
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Registered: 05-27-1998
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 1:10pm

We've always argued in front of our kids unless it was about something really serious. I think it's healthy for them to see that mature people get angry, disagree, and resolve things. For people who have bad tempers or use a lot of bad language when they fight, I'd say no, keep the fighting behind closed doors, but don't assume the kids aren't worried. They always know when something's up.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 6:37am
I agree with this, emphasis on "healthy way". There's a huge difference b/w disagreeing or not seeing eye to eye about a particular issue - and - tearing one another down about something. The latter is harmful not only to the couple but to the children too.

 

 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 6:43am

gamegaga wrote:
If you can argue without screaming, violence, name calling, and are not discussing something of a mature nature or something personal, and it's not something the child is going to internalize and think it's their fault, then I would say it's OK to argue. If you can show kids that you can argue productively, they might not be so quick to resort to violence and social media harassment themselves.

I would also add that not only could kids internalize and believe it's "their" fault but also believe and probably learn to live that the violence/dysfunctional arguments are ok, normal and a way of life which is NOT ok.