Should Children Be Forced to Write Thank-You Notes?

Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Should Children Be Forced to Write Thank-You Notes?
21
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 10:09am

Are good manners going the way of the Dodo bird? While most of us were raised to write thank-you notes promptly, it seems some of us haven’t passed that bit of etiquette onto our kids. 

Philip Galanes, New York Times columnist and author of the book, “Social Q’s: How to Survive the Quirks, Quandaries and Quagmires of Today,” discussed the disappearing thank-you card and other etiquette dilemmas facing parents on TODAY.

Galanes recounted the story of a grandmother of nine who wrote to him that she has never received a thank-you card for any of the birthday and Christmas presents she has given her grandchildren over the years. She was annoyed, but unsure how to demand a bit of gratitude – a predicament that offended Matt Lauer, father of three. “I think it’s unacceptable that they don’t write any thank you notes,” Matt said.

Should children be forced to write thank-you notes?- http://www.today.com/moms/should-kids-be-forced-write-thank-you-notes-1B8057224

Where do you stand on the issue? Should children be told to write thank-you notes each time they receive a gift?

 photo snowsiggy.png

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001

Each situation is different to me too, When my kids get/got gifts for Christmas or/and their birthdays I looked at that as an opportunity for them to pick up the phone and thank the family member themselves (we live away), and 9 times out of 10 they did! Most of my side isn't linked up to facebook and other social media and I'm grateful that still forces traditional/old fashioned thank yous and greetings in general! Inlaws otoh are all over fb, Even MIL has resorted to just fb tags to wish my kids a happy birthday, I've started to return that courtesy - Instead of buying her a birthday card I just send her a happy birthday over there now too, Why waste $2.99 on the cost of a card, Lol! 

edited.

 

 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001

My siblings and I started work in the Summers of our 16th year and ahh, my own child will be there next August! Dad instilled into us that we always follow up with the employers we delivered applications to, I even remember the resumes we hand wrote and carbon copied (olden days, Lol!).. Yea, I think those small things make a difference too, Many kids learn that young.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009

I always had my kids write thank you notes for any gift received.  Further, the notes had to contain at least three sentences.  If the parents don't teach the kids how to do these things, who will?  My older son recently was offered a position, and after he was hired the boss told him that he was the only candidate interviewed who wrote a thank you note after the interview.   I don't know if that note was the thing that got him the offer or not, but it obviously didn't hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012

I have my children write thank you notes when they get a gift in the mail - and it depends on who sent it on whether they send it via email or snail mail. Grama like snail mail, but their Aunts and Uncles are "green" and prefer email or a proclamation on a social web site. :D

Each situation is different in my eyes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010

I have my children write thank you notes for any gift they get in the mail from others.  It may seem outdated--but when they are adults if they want to call the person or email them etc that would be fine too.  For gifts they get directly from the person they thank them in person and do not write thank you notes.  I think it is rude to not ever let people know if you received a gift when sent by mail or not given to the person to open i their presence; they are left hanging, thinking maybe it was lost etc.  

The grandma said she never got any thank you--I am assuming that means by note or also by phone call or email.  That's very rude.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  It is good manners and cements relationships.  Even business books are telling to WRITE thank you notes.  I have heard many time a person relate they won't help another because of the lack of a thankyou note.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2012
I agree that formal invitations require formal thank yous, such as graduations, weddings, etc. . I won't be expecting my child to write thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts, unless guests were invited to a birthday party, for example. They will be required to tell the person thank you, either in person, by phone or an email.
Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001

I agree and thanks to social media a fb tag or email does suffice..  But for occassions where formal invitations are mailed I think formal thank yous (for gifts) should go out too. 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013

It's silly and outdated. A quick text message, e-mail, or FB message thanking the person works perfectly fine.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 12:06pm

Deleted, Double post.