Moody 10 year old girl

Avatar for mama2dutchess
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Moody 10 year old girl
8
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 12:00pm

So my DD turned 10 in April and it seems since then she has been super moody and not doing as well with her schoolwork and in general, backtalking, rolling her eyes at every request, yelling and just a general bad mood.


Today is the last day of school so I am looking forward to reconnecting with her over the summer.


Tiffany


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 2:13pm
Tiffany, I was reading an unrelated article the other day about ways to make sure your child didn't backslide academically over the summer. It was predominantly about reading, but one of the ideas might be a nice mother/daughter bonding activity:



7. Become movie critics. Read a book, and then watch the movie together. (Harry Potter, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or Hatchet are a few favorites). Then become movie critics and debate if the book or movie was better.




You could do something like this - or even a book club of sorts between just the two of you. It might help to get a book where the main character is a preteen, going through these same types of struggles. Even if your daughter is hesitant to talk openly about how she is feeling, she might talk about what the book character is going through which could open the door to conversation.



A few of our boards here on iVillage are doing a summer read-a-thon, which includes kids too. Here's the info:



The Christian Bookshelf is sponsoring a multi-board summer read-a-thon around iVillage.



These are the boards that will be participating:




Christian Bookshelf http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bcchristian



Authors, Books & Conversation: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bcbookmark



Mystery & Suspense
Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 3:24pm

I think anything that gets the two of you laughing will be a good way to reconnect. Your relationship can withstand the nagging and the eye rolls as long as that doesn't dominate the communication so when you feel that happening too much try for laughter (a funny movie, a game, being goofy).

My dh and were told by a psychologist not to expect kids to express their true feelings easily, that if you know or think you know what it is just say it, like "it must be frustrating to be 10 yo and have this additional responsibility and so many things to remember and get right" and be okay even if they don't answer they probably heard you. If her face has been like that for weeks it is probably more than that days lunch box. Sometimes just saying life can be rough and you love her will feel good and alleviate some of her stress. That plus laughter because laughter will help alleviate your stress too.

I like your rule and consequence for the lunch box. Sounds like an excellent approach to teaching personal responsibility.

"If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit.



Photobucket

Photobucket
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 8:48am

You know me and have probably seen that I believe teens are insane and not human. They truly can NOT help their behavior at times. I've been helping my sister with one of my nieces, going through the same thing.

Is dd wearing deodarant yet? If so, her hormones are probably going just bonkers and some of the eyerolls she really can't control.

She's also had a hard year and probably doesn't know how to express it, with losing DFS, ya know?

Now, does this excuse it? Nope! But it might make it easier for you to deal with it.

I would find one day a week to re-bond. The movie critic idea is awesome! I'd also take a calm day and meet with her.

Ask her how SHE would fix it. What does SHE want?

Special lunches? Dinner? Teas? Pedicures?

At that age my mom began teaching me to cook and not in a chore kind of way. Once a week we would plan a menu, learn how to write a grocery list and how to shop for it. Than we would cook it, with me doing most of the work.

Mom actually let me fail, which is so important!

This summer I am doing this with Danny, mostly because he is such a picky eater, especially for lunch. He is almost 9 and old enough to do most of it.

**hugs**


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 12:09pm

Did this change in behavior happen suddenly, or did it seem to be a slow slide? If it were just hormones (which start doing their jobs way before you see actual signs like hair and body odor), she would have begun slowly with the moodiness and eye rolls. If it seemed to be abrupt, this may be a peer issue, like a best friend suddenly dropping her, or being excluded from a group that's important to her.


Before you conclude that it's just the normal preteen stuff, ask her some direct questions about her friendships, especially if you've noticed that she doesn't talk about certain people as much as she once did, or if she's not invited to as many things.


In the fall of 7th grade, my DD started coming home from school in the worst sulky mood you could imagine. I just assumed that it was teen hormones because she was so dramatically different, but I soon found out that it was a friendship issue. It took 2 months to resolve, but I did eventually get my girl back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 5:31pm

First of all let me say, I am so thankful I am not alone!

Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 9:43am

My DD is also 10, and she's doing a lot of the same things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 10:23am

That was an awesome post it made me cry!

My dd is about to turn 9 yo and you guys are all freaking me out. I see signs of this sort of thing happening already - we've been through "friend issues" twice now and she can get on my nerves like nobody ever has (except maybe my mother, lol).

Deep breaths! I'll need that a lot in the next um, 10 years I think. Deep breaths.

"If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit.



Photobucket

Photobucket
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 12:58pm

"My dd is about to turn 9 yo and you guys are all freaking me out"


I was thinking that as well and mine is only 5! :)

Photobucket