Married to an agnostic

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Married to an agnostic
9
Thu, 01-17-2013 - 10:35am

Hi,

I was just wondering if there were any Christians out ther who were married to an atheist or agnostic? Has it caused any problems in the marriage? How do you handle raising the kids in regards to religion?

I've been married to an agnostic for 8 years now and overall it hasn't presented many problems. He's totally okay with me bringing the kids to church and even likes that they are involved with youth group. I just always feel so alone, though, when I see all these other couples and families together at church. Surely I can't be the only one in this situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2012
Thu, 01-17-2013 - 5:01pm

Agnostics, by definition are doubters, not unbelievers, so perhaps discussing your faith will open his eyes to the probability.  As a former skeptic, myself, maybe bringing in someone who has a lot of knowledge on the subject who might be able to share their knowledge on a higher level than just "faith" and provide a more compelling argument.

You could also just ask your DH to attend church with you and your kids, simply as a family event and to teach some family values to your children.  A family that prays together...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 12:01am
I've been married to an agnostic for 14 years. There have been very few problems about religion. There have been a few times my wife suggesting getting the kids involved with a religion, but she has never followed through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 12:24pm

Congratuations on a successful marriage.

I know many successful marriages (over 20, 30 years) between people of different faiths (or lack of faith). One couple,for example,  one of them is Jewish and the other, Muslem. Another couple is Hindu & Catholic.  These couples have all raised well-adjusted, intelligent young adults.  

I also know even more couples, in which one of the couple is agnostic or atheist. They too have all raised "good kids" and have close families.  (One, afterall, does not have to attend a church to instill family values in children.)

The common thread in all these marriages is respect and communication; the couple respects each other's right to their own personal beliefs. They have also, prior to the birth of their children, decided how the children would be raised with respect to religion. Some opted for one; some opted to expose the children to both;some opted to bring the kids up in no religion.

So yes, it is not unusal for an agnostic and a Christian to have a successful marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 12:24pm

Congratuations on a successful marriage.

I know many successful marriages (over 20, 30 years) between people of different faiths (or lack of faith). One couple,for example,  one of them is Jewish and the other, Muslem. Another couple is Hindu & Catholic.  These couples have all raised well-adjusted, intelligent young adults.  

I also know even more couples, in which one of the couple is agnostic or atheist. They too have all raised "good kids" and have close families.  (One, afterall, does not have to attend a church to instill family values in children.)

The common thread in all these marriages is respect and communication; the couple respects each other's right to their own personal beliefs. They have also, prior to the birth of their children, decided how the children would be raised with respect to religion. Some opted for one; some opted to expose the children to both;some opted to bring the kids up in no religion.

So yes, it is not unusal for an agnostic and a Christian to have a successful marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 1:30pm

So yes, it is not unusal for an agnostic and a Christian to have a successful marriage.

Thanks! I guess it just feels that way when I look around during service and see all these couples.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Sun, 01-20-2013 - 12:36am

My dad's brother (Irish-Catholic) was married for over 50 years to my aunt who was Jewish (my uncle passed away last July).

They got both sides of the family angry.  

First, they married in a Catholic Church, which her parents refused to attend, and then they raised my cousin Jewish, which meant that I did not see him until the 1970's when he was 6, by which time both families realized that they were being stupid about the whole thing.

Considering that my parents, and my dad's other brother both married within the faith and got divorced, I do wonder if dealing with the controversy of a mixed-faith marriage in the late 1950's helped strengthen the marriage (I am sure that there are thousands of other factors that were involved).

FWIW, my wife was born and raised Mormon but is now agnostic, while I am an athiest who believed in Santa Claus much longer that I believed in an deity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2012
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 11:48am

You should keep trying to convince your husband to attend church with you, especially for your children's sake. The percentage of children who continue to go to church as adults is VERY low if their father did not attend:

http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=16-05-024-v

I will pray for your family

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 3:12pm

mom_iteadrinker wrote:
<p>Congratuations on a successful marriage. </p><p>I know many successful marriages (over 20, 30 years) between people of different faiths (or lack of faith). One couple,for example,  one of them is Jewish and the other, Muslem. Another couple is Hindu &amp; Catholic.  These couples have all raised well-adjusted, intelligent young adults.  </p><p>I also know even more couples, in which one of the couple is agnostic or atheist. They too have all raised "good kids" and have close families.  (One, afterall, does not have to attend a church to instill family values in children.)</p><p>The common thread in all these marriages is respect and communication; the couple respects each other's right to their own personal beliefs. They have also, prior to the birth of their children, decided how the children would be raised with respect to religion. Some opted for one; some opted to expose the children to both;some opted to bring the kids up in no religion.</p><p>So yes, it is not unusal for an agnostic and a Christian to have a successful marriage. </p>

I agree, mom_iteadrinker! Mutual respect for each other's chosen spiritual paths (or lack thereof). One thing that can destroy a marriage and partnersnip, is presuming to arrogantly try to force one's beliefs on the other. Just like arrogantly presuming one can "change" someone. Children growing up in a home with love *and* respect, as well as sound values (don't have to include any particular religion or belief system, IMO) have a much better foundation to become adults with integrity as well as the ability to respect others and diversity in life. :) Children can seek and find their own particular spiritual or philosophical path as adults. Expose them to various belief systems as they grow up, but they will find what speaks to them on their own. I find it sad that in 2013 we still have religion as a "war zone" not only in families, extended or nuclear, in our communities or between countries as well. It's about time we accepted there is wisdom to be had in all belief systems, and that no one is above all the rest. Sigh...



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 02-19-2013 - 12:16pm

My cousin is married to an atheist, And they sent all their kids through the parochial school system, I think those kids were raised open minded to a lot of different beliefs.....  Open yourself up to church groups, ladies club, etc. and you may meet more moms like yourself, I doubt it's because he's agnostic that keeps him away..