What the hell is UP with some parents?

Avatar for cl_annieb67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
What the hell is UP with some parents?
12
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 8:57pm
Dd got an invitation to a Birthday party. FOR STARTERS...written on the invitation was the following:

Gift idea! $$ for Florida trip.

Okay, tacky, I thought. But forgivable.

Then, she goes to the party. This party is for 20 or so 10/11 year olds. Hmm, okay. Let's talk about what went on. Truth or Dare involving blow jobs, humping, and hand jobs. Blindfolding a kid and having him walk around with an axe. The little girl who asked for money slammed ALL the presents down, and took away only the money. Having skits where they pretended to be "high". Holliann (my dd) and her friend had enough after an hour and called her friends mom to come get them early.

She tells me about all this tonight, and how disgusted she was. How she had a horrible time. Of course, my question was: "WHERE were the parents?" Her answer? They came down to watch them open presents, that was it. Apparantly the adults had there own get-together upstairs.

Call me dense, but is there something WRONG with this picture? No, you don't have to hang onto their every moment, but don't you think with THAT many kids a little supervision is warranted? Maybe I'm a prude, but at my parties, the first kid to mention "blow job" would be out the door so fast, he wouldn't know WHAT hit him/her.

"There in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I close my eyes, feel their beauty and follow where they lead."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 9:47pm
OMG. I'm positively stunned.

Every time I'm sure I've finally heard it all, Annie's kids get invited to another party. ;-)

No, I don't think you're a prude. I think these people obviously needed to be supervised. I have to wonder if these parents are the type who would hotly deny that anything like that could ever have taken place in THEIR house. I knew a couple like that when my brother was in middle school. They had 5 11-year-old boys spending the night in a tent in their back yard, locked the house up so that the kids weren't able to get inside, and then squawked a LOT when these kids, whose parents believed were being supervised by this couple, got picked up on a curfew violation, walking around the neighborhood. All the kids & their parents had to go thru a court counseling program, and the people who were hosting that sleepover had a cow...they absolutely insisted that their son would never do such a thing unless he were influenced by other children. That may or may not be true, but I daresay NONE of these kids would have been running around on the streets in the middle of the night if they had been properly supervised by an adult.

I would feel the same way you do in this situation, and I'm very glad that your dd was at least mature enough to recognize the inappropriateness of the party games. Sheesh.


Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 11:01am
Wow! I told you what I thought of trolling for gifts on the other board.

We recently had a party for our 9 year old son. We had it at the house and we invited about 20 kids, plus there were a few siblings around. I felt guilty because I chose not to dress for swimming and stayed out on the patio while the kids swam. I was worried that the parents would think an adult should actually go IN the pool with the kids. Like you said, they are past the age of needing to hang on to every word they say and most of them really don't want to spend loads of time with adults hovering over them.

I put food out for the adults downstairs (with a view of the pool from 2 sets of glass doors) and dh and I took turns socializing with the adults but one of us stayed on the pool deck the entire time the kids were in the pool. I do not consider myself to be overprotective at all but I am STUNNED that the parents just excused themselves to another part of the house. IMO kids this age do not have the good judgement to supervise themselves. I find that if I am around, but not taking part in their conversations they keep their conversations clean and pretty well mannered. I try to be there, but not interfere if you know what I mean.

One other thing. I HATE the idea of public gift openings at kids parties. I know it is a common practice, but I try to have my kids open gifts privately. IMO it encourages materialism. It makes me uncomfortable.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 1:50pm
OOOHHHHHH I would be dialing the phone so fast that my fingers would be on fire. It should not matter if those parents thought that "their" child could be a part of any of this, what matters is that they know it happened and maybe next time they will be more careful on who they invite. I would also take heart to maybe call some other parents who I knew had kids there. I am that kind of mom though. Kuddos to your kid for knowing this is inappropriate. This is a hard one though because no kid wants their parent to be seen as the "rat" parent cause that takes away any coolness they had in the eyes of their peers but I think that a phone call to the parents of this party is called for along with a careful discussion with my child on why I was doing it would be wise. You don't have to go into huge details because at her age, she is old enough to understand most of what you are saying to her and even she knows what is appropriate and what is not. These are the kinds of parents that you will have to watch out for as those 10/11 yo become teens. They will be the parents that allow "supervised" parties (with alcohol) and then try to cover their own ass when something happens.

On the other hand, now is a good time to reinforce with your dd that you are proud of her and her friend for trusting their own judgement and that will lay the ground work for her continuing to be open with you as she gets older. (something my mom never did with me or my sister) I will do this with my dd when the day comes (she is only 3 1/2) LOL!!

ttyl

nikki


sorry I rambled so much, I do that when I am irritated!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 7:50pm
Excellent question. all i can say is, it takes all kinds....... what do parents think? personally, i think a good portion of parents want and force their kids to grow up so fast its rediculous. do they think if they dont let their dd's shave their legs and put on make up at 9yo, they wont ever get to see it????? blechchchchch, plainly, these parents make me sick!!!!! how damn stupid can you get? kids are going to get into stuff no matter what kind of parents they have, but personally, i worked hard at not providing opportunity while trying not to stifle them. there have been a gazzillion occasions when i said "no" to something, just because "i didnt feel good about it". and amazingly, have been thanked by my kids occasionally for saying no. they *wanted* the limits.

i had a conversation with my dd when she was 10yo, and had asked if she could do something(i dont remember exactly what)i didnt think she was ready for. i explained my answer this way....... lets say your life expectancy is 80yo. you are ten years old right now, and in 8 short years you will be considered an adult. you will be an adult forever after that, and never get to be a child again, so why dont you be 10yo today, and after you turn 18, you can do grown-up things forever. she looked at me for a long minute, and said, yeah, ok, and ran off humming. she is now 19 and enjoys lots of "grown-up" priveleges, but we still let her know when she is out of bounds, which isnt very often.

it truly saddens me, when i hear and see parents allowing their children to participate in situations beyond their age. you should be soooooooooo proud of your dd for getting the hell out of there. obviously she has excellent guidance!!!! good job mom!

beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 12:32am

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 9:12am
I don't drop my kids if I don't know the parents either. I don't let my older sons sleep away from home unless I know the parents WELL. That's my comfort level. But as they get older you will have to start to let them become more independent and let them go to parties even if you don't know the parents. I am not sure what age that will be, but as of ages 4, 6, 9 I need to know the parents before I just drop my kids off somewhere.

I think Annie's daughter handled herself well and is probably ready for the responsibility. Annie-make sure you tell her how proud you are.

Jenna

Avatar for bobcatkathi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 11:29pm
Annie you are not a prude. I am and would have had a cow about that party. You have every right to be upset. At least be glad your DD was offended.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 1:29pm
PLease keep in mind that anyone with a functioning reproductive system can breed.

It takes a lifelong committment with no assurance or guarantees to be a parent.

In other words, any moron can breed. To be a parent...THAT takes effort.

Avatar for graycygnet
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 4:14am
Annie, you are definitely not a prude. Those parents were way out of line. Thumbs up to your daughter for coming home. You have a great girl it sounds like. While I am saddened by the other kids behavior, I am not surprised. I think I would talk to the other parents, but definitely the parents of the birthday girl. Plus how spoiled can you get? Throwing a fit when you are getting gifts from other people. Ugh, disgusting.

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:04am
What the hell? Sounds outragous!~! I would call the parents and see what went on. ~cherrysnaps~ www.yourwebsister.com

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