What the hell is UP with some parents?

Avatar for cl_annieb67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
What the hell is UP with some parents?
12
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 8:57pm
Dd got an invitation to a Birthday party. FOR STARTERS...written on the invitation was the following:

Gift idea! $$ for Florida trip.

Okay, tacky, I thought. But forgivable.

Then, she goes to the party. This party is for 20 or so 10/11 year olds. Hmm, okay. Let's talk about what went on. Truth or Dare involving blow jobs, humping, and hand jobs. Blindfolding a kid and having him walk around with an axe. The little girl who asked for money slammed ALL the presents down, and took away only the money. Having skits where they pretended to be "high". Holliann (my dd) and her friend had enough after an hour and called her friends mom to come get them early.

She tells me about all this tonight, and how disgusted she was. How she had a horrible time. Of course, my question was: "WHERE were the parents?" Her answer? They came down to watch them open presents, that was it. Apparantly the adults had there own get-together upstairs.

Call me dense, but is there something WRONG with this picture? No, you don't have to hang onto their every moment, but don't you think with THAT many kids a little supervision is warranted? Maybe I'm a prude, but at my parties, the first kid to mention "blow job" would be out the door so fast, he wouldn't know WHAT hit him/her.

"There in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I close my eyes, feel their beauty and follow where they lead."

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Avatar for cl_annieb67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 6:48pm
That is very odd.

<< She had a *horrible* time?

That adjective used in this manner always raises my suspicions. >>


For me a "it was fine" and immediately going upstairs with no elaboration raises my suspicions. Vagueness is my concern. Not honesty. And honestly, I rented Minority Report the other night, and had a horrible time watching it. I had a horrible time at my dad's Retirement Party. I had a horrible time at my SIL's dinner the other night. Came home and announced to WHOEVER would listen that I had a horrible time.


My questions to my daughter would have been

<<1)You KNOW what a blow job is? (registering my surprise but also my awareness that I guess this wasn't the first time the subject had come up in my child's world)>>

No, not the first time. The first time was from me. She asked what it was and I told her. As delicately as it can be told, I suppose.



<<2)OK, so describe (registering my sense of humour)>>

Nope, I'm not about to feign a reaction. I was shocked and that's how I reacted.


<<3)I'm sure she liked your gift just fine (registering my awareness that that this may be at the route of the problem)>>

What problem? How did you leap from innadequate parental supervision to a gift? My dd gave her 10.00, so her feelings weren't hurt. But even an 11 year old can recognize rude behavior. I find it rather sad that some adults choose to condone it, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised, eh?



<<4)What KIND of axe (exercising my suspicion that my child could exaggerate things).>>

Nope, I don't care what KIND it was. If it had a shart edge, I could give a rat's behind the size. If you mean did she somehow transfer a plastic toy to an object used to slice through wood, spare me.

<<5)So, are you saying X was a completely different rude, obnoxious girl in her own house with her parents there, as opposed to out and about without parents to supervise (registering my surprise at that arrangement of things)>>

Read again. Parents WEREN'T there.

<<6)So, seriously WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT?>>

There was no fight. There was innappropriate behavior, my dd acted appropriately.



<>

So? I'm not sure of your point. Maybe "kids" do exaggerate. However, I'm not about to negate the seriousness of WHAT WAS TOLD to me. I'm presuming if my kid was exaggerating, others were, based on the barrage of phone calls I received in the days following.



T<>

Not in my world, perhaps in yours. But in my home, and in my world, kids are supervised. Period. And for the record, and once again, my dd's feelings weren't hurt because she gave cash. If you would condone/allow this sort of behavior, kudos. BUT...my dd based on her upbringing would also ask to leave your home.

<< My kids have both come home from bday parties distressed over a bday child who "didn't like my present". This typically means some other present was openned and played with first, or "everybody else" brought presents of one theme, my child something else. Perhaps it was that one boy wasn't paying attention. Who knows. I'd be wondering.>>

See, that's never happened to me. Not once. In 13 years of parenting this is the first time a child has come home upset. They are usually too excited over the loot bags to even ask if the child in question liked their present.

<>

They also learn "crappy" "sucks" "stinks" "awful" "bad" "awesome" and "great" if you want to study adjectives, how about "nonsense"? According to Websters Dictionary, it's an adjective which means: "senseless or absurd words ideas or conduct."









"There in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I close my eyes, feel their beauty and follow where they lead."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 12:48pm
She had a *horrible* time?

That adjective used in this manner always raises my suspicions.

My questions to my daughter would have been

1)You KNOW what a blow job is? (registering my surprise but also my awareness that I guess this wasn't the first time the subject had come up in my child's world)

2)OK, so describe (registering my sense of humour)

3)I'm sure she liked your gift just fine (registering my awareness that that this may be at the route of the problem)

4)What KIND of axe (exercising my suspicion that my child could exaggerate things).

5)So, are you saying X was a completely different rude, obnoxious girl in her own house with her parents there, as opposed to out and about without parents to supervise (registering my surprise at that arrangement of things)

6)So, seriously WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT?

My 9 yr old just had a sleep over with 13 friends. If they discussed blow jobs, it certainly wasn't within the hearing of an adult. Those kids are smart that way. Being as they were, 9 yr old girls, there were a few instances of little corner wisper sessions, who knows about what. Oh, also, they were playing with sand art in the kitchen and when I was helping them open the bottles, I spilled some blue on the kitchen floor and had to vacuum it up. Took, oh, 5 minutes? Well I later heard from the Mom of one girl who just couldn't believe it...she was under the impression I'd spilled it ALL OVER THE PLACE and that it took me hours to clean up?!?!?! Kids exaggerate.

The point is, by this stage in the game, don't they typically do the bday thing on a true "friends only" basis? I'd be suspcious that something directly between the bday girl and your daughter had gone down. Perhaps it wasn't that the child "tossed" the presents rudely, but simply showed an greater deal of happiness upon receipt of money? My kids have both come home from bday parties distressed over a bday child who "didn't like my present". This typically means some other present was openned and played with first, or "everybody else" brought presents of one theme, my child something else. Perhaps it was that one boy wasn't paying attention. Who knows. I'd be wondering.

And the "horrible" thing? Something about that adjective...seems to always be thrown in to add weight to a pretty light situation. Kids learn this young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:04am
What the hell? Sounds outragous!~! I would call the parents and see what went on. ~cherrysnaps~ www.yourwebsister.com
Avatar for graycygnet
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 4:14am
Annie, you are definitely not a prude. Those parents were way out of line. Thumbs up to your daughter for coming home. You have a great girl it sounds like. While I am saddened by the other kids behavior, I am not surprised. I think I would talk to the other parents, but definitely the parents of the birthday girl. Plus how spoiled can you get? Throwing a fit when you are getting gifts from other people. Ugh, disgusting.

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 1:29pm
PLease keep in mind that anyone with a functioning reproductive system can breed.

It takes a lifelong committment with no assurance or guarantees to be a parent.

In other words, any moron can breed. To be a parent...THAT takes effort.

Avatar for bobcatkathi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 11:29pm
Annie you are not a prude. I am and would have had a cow about that party. You have every right to be upset. At least be glad your DD was offended.
Avatar for 1969jets
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 9:12am
I don't drop my kids if I don't know the parents either. I don't let my older sons sleep away from home unless I know the parents WELL. That's my comfort level. But as they get older you will have to start to let them become more independent and let them go to parties even if you don't know the parents. I am not sure what age that will be, but as of ages 4, 6, 9 I need to know the parents before I just drop my kids off somewhere.

I think Annie's daughter handled herself well and is probably ready for the responsibility. Annie-make sure you tell her how proud you are.

Jenna

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Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 12:32am

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 7:50pm
Excellent question. all i can say is, it takes all kinds....... what do parents think? personally, i think a good portion of parents want and force their kids to grow up so fast its rediculous. do they think if they dont let their dd's shave their legs and put on make up at 9yo, they wont ever get to see it????? blechchchchch, plainly, these parents make me sick!!!!! how damn stupid can you get? kids are going to get into stuff no matter what kind of parents they have, but personally, i worked hard at not providing opportunity while trying not to stifle them. there have been a gazzillion occasions when i said "no" to something, just because "i didnt feel good about it". and amazingly, have been thanked by my kids occasionally for saying no. they *wanted* the limits.

i had a conversation with my dd when she was 10yo, and had asked if she could do something(i dont remember exactly what)i didnt think she was ready for. i explained my answer this way....... lets say your life expectancy is 80yo. you are ten years old right now, and in 8 short years you will be considered an adult. you will be an adult forever after that, and never get to be a child again, so why dont you be 10yo today, and after you turn 18, you can do grown-up things forever. she looked at me for a long minute, and said, yeah, ok, and ran off humming. she is now 19 and enjoys lots of "grown-up" priveleges, but we still let her know when she is out of bounds, which isnt very often.

it truly saddens me, when i hear and see parents allowing their children to participate in situations beyond their age. you should be soooooooooo proud of your dd for getting the hell out of there. obviously she has excellent guidance!!!! good job mom!

beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 1:50pm
OOOHHHHHH I would be dialing the phone so fast that my fingers would be on fire. It should not matter if those parents thought that "their" child could be a part of any of this, what matters is that they know it happened and maybe next time they will be more careful on who they invite. I would also take heart to maybe call some other parents who I knew had kids there. I am that kind of mom though. Kuddos to your kid for knowing this is inappropriate. This is a hard one though because no kid wants their parent to be seen as the "rat" parent cause that takes away any coolness they had in the eyes of their peers but I think that a phone call to the parents of this party is called for along with a careful discussion with my child on why I was doing it would be wise. You don't have to go into huge details because at her age, she is old enough to understand most of what you are saying to her and even she knows what is appropriate and what is not. These are the kinds of parents that you will have to watch out for as those 10/11 yo become teens. They will be the parents that allow "supervised" parties (with alcohol) and then try to cover their own ass when something happens.

On the other hand, now is a good time to reinforce with your dd that you are proud of her and her friend for trusting their own judgement and that will lay the ground work for her continuing to be open with you as she gets older. (something my mom never did with me or my sister) I will do this with my dd when the day comes (she is only 3 1/2) LOL!!

ttyl

nikki


sorry I rambled so much, I do that when I am irritated!!!!

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