1st time mom can't afford to be SAHM
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|Tue, 05-13-2003 - 6:49pm|
DH wants me to quit work and raise baby until he/she is old enough to go to school. Then I can go back to work part-time. Part-time being when the child is in school, no sitters or daycare. I'm more than willing to take maternity leave and breastfeed but I literally can't afford to take off for 5 years to raise our child. Pharmacy school isn't cheap and I have several student loans to pay off. My husband is an OTR truck driver and while he makes good money it won't begin to compare with what I'll be making. He wouldn't be able to pay all the household bills AND pay the minimum due on my student loans.
I'll freely admit that it's taken me a while to finish my education. And frankly, I don't want to put on hold what I've worked so hard to achieve! 8 long, hard years of study to be given up for 5 so I can go back to school to refresh my memory and catch-up on new drugs and rack up more loans and THEN only be there part time? I can't see myself doing that. I've spent in 8 years almost half of what it costs to raise a child to 18 years old. And I have to pay it all back.
I suppose I sound really selfish for wanting both. But being a pharmacist has been a lifelong dream of mine and don't want to give it up. If I become a SAHM it will make DH happy. But I'm afraid that I will become resentful of him and the new baby. Resentful of him because he gets to have his dream job and I had to give up mine because I'm the mommy. And resentful of the baby because he/she is the reason why I wouldn't be working. But if I go back to work it upsets the DH because he believes that nothing good comes of having someone else watch your child.
I'm so frustrated and upset! If I thought we could afford it I would take a year but we can't! And I can't seem to make him understand that. Any advice would be appreciated.