20 years from now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
20 years from now...
128
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 6:36pm
...who, if anyone will care what you chose to do today, WRT this debate? And what will they care about?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 6:43pm

No one will care what my working status was. All they'll care about is the financial ramifications of my past working status. And we moms like to think what we do is oh so important, lol. In the end, no one cares what we did. Just where they end up because of what we did.

This is why I could never SAH. To derail the rest of my life for just a few years that won't make a difference anyway just doesn't seem right to me.

I know my working will make a difference because it means college will be paid for for my kids and retirement well funded for dh and I. My kids won't have to worry about helping support me in my old age and I'll make sure they get off to a good start in life. Those things will happen because I worked today but they're really all anyone will care about WRT my working status now 20 years from now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:11pm

I'll care. To me, the memories I'll have from this time, at home with my children, will be invaluable. I don't argue that I'm doing a better job rearing my children than a WOHM. I don't believe that children of SAHM's are any smarter or better behaved or more lovable or in any way better off than children of WOHM's. I just know that *I* enjoy being with my children as much as possible and I think it makes life a little easier and smoother for us to have a SAHP. We aren't sacrificing much by living on one income, either. My husband's career has been very successful and we live well, and save for the future, on his income.

I hope my kids will be glad in 20 years that I was here, but that isn't why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because I love it and because I can. 20 years, or 50 years won't change that. My own mother had 2 different careers and stayed home for a dozen years as a SAHM in between. I'm still grateful she was home with me, and I'm also proud of her career success. I think I can do it all, like she did. I'm just happier not doing it all at once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:51pm

Why do you think people will care about the financial ramifications of your working status is?

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Seems contradictory to me to say this. Just a few years will derail the rest of your life? How is that? What sort of work do you do that a few years will derail the rest of your life?

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I agree that having a well funded retirement is very smart. I just won't be paying for my children's college. My working status doesn't change that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:57pm
I don't even know what to say to this. It's all about the financial ramifications? It's all about *money???*

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 9:07pm

Perphaps dh since my working has enabled him to pursue his career/avocation. Erica is very proud and grateful for what we did as parents in raising her. For Joy, Dylan, and Angela, I highly doubt that dh's and my work status isn't going to be the first thing that pops into their minds when asked about parents and childhood.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 12:36am
...who, if anyone will care what you chose to do today, WRT this debate? And what will they care about?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 12:42am

I just know that *I* enjoy being with my children as much as possible and I think it makes life a little easier and smoother for us to have a SAHP.

I hope my kids will be glad in 20 years that I was here, but that isn't why I'm doing it. I'm doing it because I love it and because I can.
----------------------------------------------------
You know, if I had the right circumstances to SAH, that would be exactly my feelings!Contentment - whatever the circumstances may be - is a very good environment to bring up a child in (WOH or SAH). I think that's why I dislike the debate at times. Some folks on both sides aren't necessarily where they wish they'd be (including me on some days) - it can foster discontent in an already potentially difficult circumstance.

Mondo

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 1:29am
20 years from today...hmm. Well I had a SAHP my entire childhood and I appreciated it. So hopefully our kids will appreciate that they did too.
20 years from now I'm fairly certain *I'll* be glad I chose to WOH given the professional name I've made for myself (I won't be retired yet:) ) and the money I've made to augment our assets.
20 years from now many of the people whose careers I've impacted positively will likely be glad I did so.
Hopefully my kids will also be proud of what mom's accomplished too.
I think that covers it.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 2:09am
Yeah, my dh and I both had sahms (me longterm, dh until he was in jr high), and we both appreciate it. It's one of the reasons we wanted a sahp for our own kids when they were little, and it's one of the reasons I work pt now that they're older.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 6:04am

The people who it impacts will. My working now impacts mine and my dh's future and my kid's futures. My kids will care because they will have had college paid for and they won't have to worry about supporting mom and dad in their old age. My working today makes those things possible. I didn't mean to imply that others will care. Others don't give a hoot what we do, lol.

Yes, a few years off does derail the rest of your life. Women who take time off never recover financially from the time lost. They lose not only their wages when they didn't work but also future wages as it's typical to reenter the work force at a lower wage and never catch back up. You can lose more in future wages from SAH for 5 years than you lost SAH for those 5 years.

A woman who SAH who can end up making only half of what she would have if she'd never quit. Some careers are derailed by a SAH stint. SAH is often viewed as evidence of lack of committment to one's career. Something I don't see at my company is women who leave to SAH coming back. They don't seem to want to hire them back. They'd rather take a new hire out of college than a returning SAHM. The SAHM has to go elsewhere to reestablish her career.

Honestly, in all my years in automotive, I've never known one returning SAHM in the professional ranks. That's kindo of WOW. I never realized I simply have never seen that happen. You'd think somewhere along the way I would have run into some CEO's dd who got a break no one else gets. Once they leave, they're gone in this industry.

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