35 hours in school vs. in daycare

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
35 hours in school vs. in daycare
188
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:03pm

I was trying to think why I've been having such a hard time with the idea of going to work full-time in the fall and yet I don't have any problem with my kids going to school for the same amount of time when they are school age. I know that we've asked the question a lot "Why is it okay to put them in school for 35 hours but not in daycare for 35 hours?"

My toddler doesn't understand WHY Mommy is gone. He doesn't appreciate the difference between Mommy going to work and Mommy just disappearing all day. A 5-year old does. I think that until they are old enough to truly understand the purpose and necessity of the separation, those 35 hours are going to be experienced very differently.

Discuss.

Photobucket

pregnancy calendar








Photobucket

Photobucket




Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 8:27pm

Ah but, remind me...were you a SAHM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 11:26pm
I'm not sure a toddler wonders why s/he is in daycare. I mean, if daycare is or becomes part of her/his normal routine, it probably never occurs to him/her that there is another option, i.e., that some toddlers are home with their moms, some are home with their dads, some are home with nannies or au pairs, some are at their aunt's or grandma's house during the day, some are in daycare centers, and some have some combination of these options or something else altogether. We, as adults, know what the options are and have our beliefs as to what the best one(s) is/are; but the LOs generally don't have the knowledge or experience even to wonder: why am I here and not there? When they get older, they may look back and question our choices; but not at toddler ages.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 7:48am

You underestimate your toddler.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 9:21am
If he'd been away from you 45 or 50 hours a week since 3 months, this wouldn't distress him at 17 months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 9:42am

"I think that separation from the primary caregiver is something whose developmental appropriateness increases with age."


So the issue is that you want to work full time, but you don't think it's appropriate for your children that you be away from them 35 hours a week?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 10:07am

Kids also usually happily accept new routines....as long as the new routine means a comfortable place and is fairly predictable. Ds started in dc at 20 months with absolutely no problems. Dd started in dc about age 2.5 with absolutely no problems. Both were the ultimate velcro babies until they turned about 18 months old (which was unusually late for getting over the clingy phase compared to the kids of my friends; most were over it by about 15 months). Once they got past that, they adapted easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 12:00pm

Good point about projecting your own anxieties onto the child.

Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man-The Big Lebowski 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 12:15pm

That is the one aspect, drama begetting drama. But your other point about projecting bears repeating a few times.

Just because the child cries at drop-off does not mean the child is heartbroken that MOMMY is leaving. Mine cried every day for a month when I dropped her at preschool. She was 3. She was used to being away from me. Besides, I never imagined that she would be distraught by my absence. Turned out that she wasn't. I had impressed upon her that she could not wear diapers to preschool, and she didn't. But thanks to her being my bio-child she has certain perfectionist tendencies, so every morning at preschool she was overwhelmed with anxiety that she might wet her pants. Once I figured it out, I talked to the director and we put her back in diapers for a few weeks. Problem solved.

Of course the poor child had tried to tell me. A few weeks before her 3rd birthday (which coincided with her starting preschool), I asked if she was excited about her upcoming birthday. She looked at me very seriously and told me after a pause, "not really, mommy, because now that I am turning 3, I worry."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 12:19pm

we seriously have the same child.


Liza would worry and cry every day -- it was b/c she was afraid when they'd have af ire drill. She told me the other day any time she saw the d/c owners husband (who was a fireman) come to the center and "not stop and say hi to the kids' she knew "they were in for a fire drill"


missing me had nothing to do with it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 12:38pm

Oh good grief, now you reminded me. One time they had a cop come to the preschool and talk to the kids about "stranger danger". First of all, dd was totally freaked out that the cop had a gun. She talked about it for months and had nightmares for a week. She also took everything he said VERY seriously, so for many years (yes, YEARS, thanks Mr. Policeman) afterwards she would scream and hide behind me if anyone said hello to her.

When she was starting 2nd grade we had a pretty bad earthquake. After a few months I had managed to calm her down more or less. This was, of course, the moment the school picked to give the kids an earthquake awareness and preparedness lesson, followed by endless earthquake drills. Again, for years, dd kept an emergency box under the desk in her room. It was a shoebox with a water bottle, a flash light and I think a whistle.

As I keep telling you though, she is today completely indistinguishable from a normal person, seriously.

Pages